A/N: Well this is long over due. I actually wrote this chapter and the one that follows, two years ago. I'm not sure why I haven't posted it or what took me so long to find it. But here you go...
~*~ 4:03 p.m. June 30 ~*~
I woke up frantically as if I had a bad dream. My heart was racing at the speed of light, and there was this annoying, rapid beeping noise. I try to open my eyes but they feel extremely heavy. The noise quiets down as I lay still.
My eyes opened finally after much concentration. I couldn't see much as my eye sight was very blurry. I lifted my fingers up slightly just so I could focus my vision. Eventually I was able to see semi-clearly. I hear the door open. On instinct I would sit up, but I can't really move at all. "You're awake!" Someone yelled, I think that it was a surprise to her. I haven't the slightest idea who the person is or where I am exactly.
The very last thing I remember was running and being in a graveyard, and that's about it. A few people walk in, all seem to be wearing white lab coats. Am I at some sort of laboratory that does experiments on random people for no reason?
One of the people rudely shines a light in my eyes, I shut them tightly in response. "Hello Sakura, I'm doctor Kono. How are you feeling?"
Strangely I feel like I got stabbed. "Eh." Was all I could manage to say, not because I wasn't in the mood to talk, but because I feel like I'm choking on the words I was trying to say.
"Do you know where you are?" I can only answer him mentally, hopefully he knows how to read minds. "You're at the hospital. You were in a coma for eight months." He said. Eight months? I was in a coma for that long? If I were them, I would've declared me dead seven months ago. "You probably don't remember what happened. You were-"
The woman nudged him with her elbow. "I think we should wait Doctor."
Doctor Kono sighed. "Fine," He said to the nurse. "You just focus on getting better." They all left save the nurse who didn't want me to know what happened.
"You're really lucky. A lot of people would have never survived what you went through." She said. I mentally scoff at her words. How am I lucky? Nothing good happened if I was stuck here for eight months. "It'll be awhile before you are completely healed." I move my head to look at her with a questioning look. "I don't want to overwhelm you with details, but you really can't leave until the cops have spoken to you and they figure out the custody issue."
Custody issue? What happened to Dan? I had no idea what she's talking about, but I really don't want to find out. I'm positive though that it'll come to me anyway. I don't go without knowing things for too long.
Another random person walked in and looked at me as if I were a ghost. Some tense moments went by before the guy said anything. He smiles. "For a minute I thought that I would have to arrange a funeral for you and your father!" He said in a way that I guess is supposed to be interpreted as a joke. My heartbeat dropped as indicated by the heart monitor.
The nurse had a flustered look on her face. She turned around and pushed him out the door. I felt so overwhelmed that I passed out.
~*~ 2:15 p.m. July 7 ~*~
My eyes shot open as suddenly I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was having this dream and it was rather odd. The last thing I remember was running through a graveyard; the dream sort of elaborated on that.
Dan was chasing me, he had a knife, we fought...he tried to kill me...and I killed him. My eyes widen in shock. It took a while for all that to soak in. Then it came to me, I did the single most important thing I would ever have to do in my life. I freed myself from him. Thankfully I'm still alive to enjoy that freedom.
Actually I take that back. I'm not really enjoying anything. I have to get out of this place, it feels like a prison. It's also moderately depressing, outside of the corner of the room which was decorated with balloons, flowers, and other various things. One of the balloons said 'I'm sorry' and another said 'Get well soon'. I wonder who they're from.
I groan as I force myself to sit up. I shouldn't be this weak, I have taken far worse beatings and was able to get up the next hour and walk like nothing happened. I began breathing heavily as I managed to sit up. I tore off all the tubes and stuff that were connected to me.
Now comes the task of getting out of bed and walking. My legs seemed like they didn't want to move on their own, so I used my hands to place them over the edge of the bed. Slowly, I pushed myself off the bed and onto the cold floor.
I stood there, using the edge of the bed for support. My legs were shaking underneath the weight of the rest of my body. I took one small step, releasing the bed, and collapsed to the floor. I know I wouldn't automatically be able to recover as quickly as I used to, but it shouldn't take too long.
I slowly got back up, swaying backwards before being able to stand still. I took another step towards the table with all the flowers and stuff. I could feel my legs trembling but I still kept going. I guess my longing to know who sent all that stuff served as motivation.
I got to the table and smiled in accomplishment. I picked up one card and read the name on it, it's from Kiba. Wow, that's shocking. I looked at the beautiful pink roses and saw that they were from Karin. A lot of this stuff is from people at school. How in the world did they figure out I was here?
A card from Ino explained everything:
I found out what happened and beat myself up for not noticing you leave. I hope you are okay, no wait-I know you're okay. You're the strongest girl I know. I told everyone at school about what you went through, I hope you won't be mad. Everyone felt like complete crap for the way they treated you. The principle made us go through several workshops about abuse and bullying and things like that.
Believe me, everyone is sorry. But I kept telling them that you will prevail.
Anyway, my mom has been talking with child services and the social workers and she said that she would love to take you in once you're all better. She even fixed up a room for you and everything. I hope you agree to stay with us.
There's a note somewhere on the table, it's from Sasuke. Do not read it. Trust me, you aren't ready to read it yet.
I reread the last part about Sasuke over and over, knowing that it can't be anything good. A thousand questions ran across my mind. I tried not to think about any of them. I saw the note and picked it up. Should I read it? I know I probably won't be able to handle it. I want to, but I don't. I stood still pondering what I should do.
After many minutes, my legs sort of gave out on me. As I collapsed to the floor, I decided that Ino is right. If it is bad news -which I have a strong feeling it is- then I want someone to be there to comfort me.
~*~ 3:30 a.m. July 23 ~*~
I have successfully gotten myself to walk without falling or using objects to help me balance. I snuck out of the hospital, knowing that this is the time where the hospital staff is low.
But before I left I looked at the calendar. It's his birthday today. I clenched my fist, grabbing the note from him and left. I wanted to know what it said, but I'm really scared. I walked out of the hospital casually to avoid suspicion. My destination is Ino's house.
The walk seemed to take forever. The feeling of anxiety was killing me. I paused while I was in my old neighborhood. I could almost feel Dan's coarse hands around my throat. I looked up at the sky as tiny raindrops hit me in the face. It felt cool against my hot skin. I kept walking, enjoying the light rain falling down on me.
I reluctantly knocked on the door. Maybe I should've waited awhile, it is three in the morning. Surprisingly, the door opened a few short moments after I knocked. I was pulled into a tight hug. "I knew you would be okay." I heard Ino say. She didn't seem tired or like she had just woken up. She ushered me in and closed the door.
She smiled like she was truly happy to see me. In all honesty, I missed her too, I just couldn't smile though. "How you been?" I asked her.
"Worried. I almost lost hope." She admitted, if I were her I would have. "How are you?"
I shrug. "I'm alive, so I guess I'm alight." We both chuckle lightly.
A comfortable silence fell between us. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. "I guess now would be the time to tell you." She said. My heartbeat increased as the words processed themselves into my mind. She seemed to be trying to think of how she's going to break the news to me. "Sasuke is…" My heart was now beating dangerously fast. "He's gone." She flat out said. I blacked out after she said that.
~*~ 12:30 p.m. August 17 ~*~
I have been in bed all day, staring at the ceiling. I tried desperately to forget what Ino told me. But when I think about it, how can I forget? If he wasn't gone he'd be here, but he's not so now I get to sit here and wonder why he left. After I had woken up, Ino told me that he had left, but he didn't say why.
That left me with so many questions; the main one being does he care about me? The answer: Probably no. What am I saying, of course he cares. If he didn't he wouldn't have bothered with helping me. I feel like he went out of his way to show me what happiness is. Without him I don't think I can ever feel joy again.
A knock on the door interrupted my train of thoughts. Ino walked in carefully to avoid making any sudden, loud noises. "How you feeling?" She asks.
"Horrible." I said. Before he came into my life I probably would have said that I'm okay, being as I have nothing to compare my feelings to. What I'm feeling now is what I like to call my everyday ordinary life.
"I'm sorry to hear that. I think I know what might make you feel a tiny bit better."
"I doubt it."
She sat down on the bed next to me. "It could do you some good to finally get up and leave this room." I sighed. There was really nothing I could say that could counter that. I haven't traveled past the bathroom in weeks. I slowly got out of bed with her assistance. I instantly wanted to fall back and stay on the bed.
She tossed me some better looking clothes and I quickly got dressed. Ino smiled and adjusted my shirt. "You look great." She said. I can imagine so since she did pick my outfit out. I grabbed a random pair of shoes that I found in my closet and followed her out my room.
I noticed that she had gotten a new car. I mean it's brand new, it has the new car scent and everything. The interior was purple and white, something that doesn't surprise me because purple is her favorite color. She let the top down of her car and drove off. The ride to wherever was silent. I want to say something to her, like thanks for taking me out my cave, but the words couldn't form themselves.
If only I could say something to her. I spent the entire ride trying to think of any type small talk. So far, I'm coming up short.
I didn't think Ino's way of healing wouldn't work. Retail therapy didn't seem like the kind of thing that would help me forget all my problems. But I'll give her props because it slightly worked. We sat down at this little café that Ino is fond of. I haven't been here with anyone for years. After ordering our food we sat there silently. I could tell she wanted to say something but wasn't sure of what to say.
I wanted to say something too, but I couldn't. "Ino?"
She looked up and seemed surprised to hear my voice. "Yes?"
I honestly have no idea why I called her name. "I'm glad we're friends again." I said.
She smiled. "I am too. I know I have said this many times before, but I really am sorry for deserting you." Before I could open my mouth to say something, I saw the counselor from our school. I slightly narrowed my eyes at her. Ino turned around and looked in the direction I was looking in. "What's wrong Sakura?"
The counselor turned around, saw me and smiled. I looked at Ino and motioned towards the lady who was now walking over to our table. I groan quietly. You would think she would have the common decency to leave me alone.
"Hello Sakura, do you remember me?" She asked.
I rolled my eyes. "Unfortunately." I know what's coming next, a bunch of senseless and meaningless words.
"I heard what happened." Yeah join the club. "And I'm sorry." Sorry isn't going to change what happened. "I want to talk to you about your father's death." At that point, I have had it with her voice. I get up and storm out just as the food came.
I feel kind of bad for leaving Ino like that, but I know she understands. It has been like almost nine months since we have last talked, and that lady is still nosy. I guess some people don't change. That is a painful lesson that I have yet to fully learn.
~*~ 2:39 a.m. August 29 ~*~
I should be asleep like every other normal person, but I can't. I don't know what it is about the ceiling that is so fascinating that I just have to stare at it for hours and hours on end. A lot of thoughts are coming and going out my mind. Some of them make sense, others are just random nonsense that I don't bother to think twice about. Right about now, I wouldn't mind being buried alive. From what I understand it's a terrible experience. It's not physical torture it's psychological torture.
I remember reading this book about these scientist who gathered up a group of suicidal people and people who didn't seem to do much with their lives and they would simulate burying these people alive. Some were downright mortified, but others never felt so alive before in their lives. The scientist claim it was the adrenaline from anticipating death that made them feel that way.
Maybe I could go through that same process. I groan, I think it's pretty sad that I actually have to think of alternatives to happiness.
I can slowly see myself falling back into old habits; I'm digressing and I guess it's because I really don't have much will to blossom and become a bright and shining person. The changes aren't physical at least not yet. It's all emotional.
I want to take a class that can help me fake happiness. I don't want to experience it anymore because all happiness does for me is bring sorrow...so the whole thing just seems redundant. But if I fake it, then I won't have to worry about any additional pain. I rub my forehead and groan. Why can't I be happy like everyone else? If anything, I should be the happiest person alive. The man who made my life a living hell is dead.
Maybe I'm just one of those people who can never be happy, no matter what. Ino came into my room silently and sat next to me. "I just got off the phone with one of your uncles. They said they would love to come visit you."
"I wouldn't want to see them even if they held the key to saving humanity." I could hear the bitterness in my voice. She left thinking that it would be best to give me some space. It's just like the people in my so called family to want to help all after the fact.
I think I hate them, but I'm not entirely sure, for now I'll just say I'm indifferent to trivial things like that.