I haven't written an SPN fic in a super long time but this idea just won't get out of my head after last nights episode!
It had nearly been impossibly but finally Castiel had forced Crowley to give Sam back his soul.
Dean listened behind closed doors as his heard Sam scream in agony. He closed his eyes and winced, as if breathing in the pain himself. Castiel walked out of the room with a calm but serious expression.
"His soul is in tact again," he said slowly and Dean nodded, wanting to be relieved but he knew the healing process had only just begun.
Sam's soul had been in Lucifer's cage for a little over a 100 years. He could only imagine the kind of damage that Sam's soul had endured.
"How...is he right now?"
"About as well as to be expected in a situation like this."
Dean swallowed and nodded again.
"I want to see him."
"Of course." Castiel stepped aside allowing Dean to push open the door.
There laid Sam on a bed in the corner, his back turned towards the doorway.
"Go away, Dean."
"Come on, Sammy, talk to me!"
He saw his brother's shoulders slump and then shake.
"Sammy...please..." His heart ached. He wanted to help Sam but he didn't know how. This was different then his experience.
When he came back at least his soul was in tact...he couldn't imagine feeling all these emotions at once.
Sam jerked away from Dean's touch.
"Please Dean...I don't want you to see me like this."
"I don't care," said Dean with a snarl. "I want to help you, Sammy, PLEASE let me help you! Just let it out...you can't repress it."
"Why not? That's what you taught me to do."
Dean winced at the truth of Sam's words.
"I was wrong, Sam...I...you can't let this much emotion in or you'll burst..."
"Basically you don't trust me still!" Sam shouted and he sat up. "You think I'm a walking time bomb! That if I bury these emotions I'll just snap!"
Dean didn't argue with Sam. What Sam was saying wasn't true but he was glad Sam was finally expressing what he felt, even if it was anger at Dean. At least he was feeling something again, that was the most important thing.
"You still think I'm a monster!" Sam continued to shout as he suddenly turned his face and stared at Dean. "You can't trust me again! Not like you used too...you still see me as someone who's addicted to demon blood!"
He stared at Dean's calm, but sad, face.
"Why are you saying anything back?" He snarled with such venom in him.
"Because," sighed Dean. "I'm just glad you're feeling things again. Even if it's anger towards me."
Sam stared at him in utter shock, feeling tricked he turned his back.
"Sammy...please just open up to me...like you were doing, and have done in the past." Dean was begging with his eyes now.
"No!" Snarled Sam. "I can't...it's just...it hurts...too much to feel..."
Dean could tell he was starting to shut down.
"I still love you, you know," he said softly. "More than you know."
"Why?" Whispered Sam suddenly. "Why after everything I've done? After how I changed when I came back? Why?"
Dean sighed with sadness in his tone.
"Isn't it obvious? Because you're my brother. Because we're family. And family's the most important thing in the world."
Sam laid back down and curled into a fetus position.
"Please...just go away, Dean...leave me alone in my misery."
"No," Dean snarled suddenly. "You're stuck with me, whether you want it or not."
Sam closed his eyes tightly, as if trying to chase everything away.
"Please...don't," he said, a tear rolling down his face. "Just don't...please..."
And suddenly he convulsed into sobs and Dean held him into a tight hug as his Sam's body rocked back and forth as he prepared himself for the long night, as well as the next few months wondering if Sam would ever be the same.
If They would ever be the same, if they would ever be the Brother Winchesters again.