A/N: Love to reviewers and Countess Black

I had nothing to do with this one. I woke up from a nap and found it on my hard drive. If I have to suffer, so does everyone else... Bellatrix's parts are bolded and Narcissa's are regular.

Darlings! How good to see you again!

We have come to give you more Truth. I was giving the muggle girl Truth, but she's asleep. Or dead, I haven't bothered to check.

Now, my loves, we've already talked about finding that suitable muggle. Since you've found him, there's a few little tips that might help you to show him how beautiful and delicate you are.

Firstly, it's very important to keep that complexion smooth and pale. The sun is not your friend. Staying indoors, preferably behind heavy curtains, ought to help. Or perhaps a tinge of hinkypunk bile to give you that marble like glow. Just be sure and wash it off promptly-wouldn't want to accidently melt your nose off, would you?

Or go to prison for your political beliefs. Nothing like a decade and a half of starvation and torment to get that wilting look.

Prisons are nasty, darlings. My way is better. Anyway, the eyes are very important. Do make sure to use a little eyeliner, some light dye on the lashes, and plenty of blisterbeetle wing extract to make them luminous. As it is highly hallucinogenic, it might be best to plan to have the servants on hand, in case the walls should start to run or the furniture talking-nothing like listening to the settee prattle on to ruin an evening.

Not if you've spent fourteen years in prison. Babbling settee is a dream compared to that. Also, your eyes will burn with righteousness after your Master frees you to continue His noble designs. It's cheaper than the alternative.

Not for the taxpayers, preciouses. Anyhow, you want that roses and lilies look, so try a little carmine dabbed on with a nice bat's wool puff. Not too much, though-your fiancee will think you flushed with health. Balance it by using some blue on your veins, to make your skin even more translucent and fragile.

Go to a good Revel. That always gets the blood up. Or else try and dodge an automobile machine.

We shan't have a replay of last time, Trixie. I mean it.

I suppose it's my fault Rodolphus can't outrun a lorry-automobile? And anyway, he's fine now that he's stopped writhing and bleeding everywhere.

He's unconscious. I think he's fainted.

And?

Moving on. Now, the lips are very important as well. Redden them a bit. Try for that dark, drinking wine look. But not too much. It might your muggle want to kiss you, and we can't have that, can we? Not until he's married you. And given you a nice bracelet. Can't have them thinking these things come cheap.

Or just drink some wine. It's easier for us to catch you that way. While you're at it, bind yourself and send up some sparks to let us know where you are. A good Revel would break the monotony.

Bellatrix...

Are you tired, Cissy? Shall I finish enlightening the muggles so you might rest?

It might be better if I stay.

Don't you trust me?

On to hair! Men have an instinctive urge to touch the hair of their fiancées and wives ( because, darlings, I just know you'd not let a man that close until he'd promised to marry you, hmm? It would just make me so awfully sad if I thought you had.) So it's best to discourage it before it even starts.

Elaborate hair will do the job, especially with pearls in. Or perhaps some nice sharp dragon bone hairpins. Once you're married, you'll have to let him, but not in front of people. And if your maid has done her work properly, it would be impossible anyway. Smooth it with some unicorn oil and even gale force winds won't move it.

Or find a man more vain than yourself. He'll be too busy playing with his own hair to notice yours.

Trixie, precious, we've been through this.

I never said your husband was a strutting pillock, Cissy. It isn't my fault he spends half his time fixing his hair.

He most certainly doesn't.

Does.

Does not.

Does so, and don't contradict your elders, Narcissa.

Darling, Madea is stirring. Why don't you go and help her?

Very well. MUGGLE, PREPARE FOR MORE TRUTH. STOP TRYING TO GET OUT, I'VE WARDED THE DOOR.

Well, this should buy us some time. And I'm sure Madea can handle it-stop scrabbling at the knob like that, love, you'll ruin your nails-she's quite resilient. Now, onto clothing.

Men, my angels, are not so controlled as we are. So remember, layers. Lots and lots of petticoats, underskirts, wool stockings and good, thick outer dresses will help your special muggle keep his hands to himself. And, if you're very lucky, you'll faint with the heat and he'll see firsthand how precious and frail you are.

And of course, if you've any questions, you might always ask. Until next time, my darlings.