disclaimer: every character mentioned below belongs to Stephanie Meyer, author of twilight.
Where I Belong
Chapter 1- Damsel in Distress
Bella 's pov
Edward walked away… he didn't look back. He just kept walking. I was shouting his name begging him to stay. I was begging him to spare me my life by staying. But he kept walking, I tried following him, but I reached no where near him. I was stuck in a same place. Then a large man, bare foot, with no shirt walked towards me from my right side. It was Sam Uley. He pulled me away and away… away from my life, away from my Edward.
I woke up, my eyes about to pop out. Then reality came crashing down to me. Edward left. He finally realized that I was not worthy of him. The Cullen's left. And all I was left with was a hole in my heart. I have no idea how I will survive the rest of the life that I am left with, without them, without him. I cannot even think about spending my life without him. I am not sure about anything at the moment except the fact that when he left, my ability to love anyone else left with him.
I have no reason to live.
I was ready to end my life then and there until I thought of the promise I made "nothing reckless or stupid". Does taking my life away for him sound reckless or stupid? It doesn't to me. But some part of me wants to abide by the vow I took. A last thing I could do just to commit to him, my last string that bonded me with him, to survive the pain with his memories. Even so I vowed to painfully abide by the last piece of commitment for him, it was agonizingly obvious that my life almost depended and revolved around them, and when they left, my life seemed meaningless to me, almost worthless.
"And I'll make you a promise in return, I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without anymore interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."
The final words he uttered replayed in my head once more as it has been doing for months now. It will be as if he'd never existed? What about the pain? Did he think that his absence would make me forget the best moments of my life? The days where I felt true love? If he thought that when he left then he's clearly not as smart as I gave him credit for.
After that night in woods, my life changed. I should've been prepared for it. I mean how can one expect perfection like Edward to fall in love with a clumsy ordinary girl like me? Edward and Isabella were never meant to be.
Months have passed since that night, but I still can't seem to grab the fact that Edward left. Even though I always felt that I didn't deserve him, I just….
Tears started welling up in my eyes as a fresh pain spread all over my body remembering the conversation that day. The day Edward Cullen broke up with me. The day my heart was punched with a hole and the day I lost my reason to live.
I often find myself questioning "will I survive?" And honestly I have no idea. I feel like a damsel in distress waiting for my knight in shining armor to rescue me, to show me the silver line.
I want my Edward back, even though I don't deserve him, I want him back just for one more kiss, one more touch, to feel that electric vibe flow through my body whenever he did. I want my room to smell that honey like scent once again. Even though I hate the coldness in the weather, I want to feel his strong cold arm around my body. I want to fall asleep to his cold chest. I want to be dazzled by him once more like I used to be.
My poor human memory of him doesn't do any justice to the perfection that Edward is. But even so I don't have any other means to rejoice his beauty except my faint and fading memory. By now I have questioned myself a millionth times if any of it was real… he did a thorough job in making sure that he left no trace of himself for me to hold on to. But still I can't forget him, because every time I take his name a new shot of pain courses through my body.
He obviously didn't think of that. He forgot how stubborn I can get. I can't make myself believe that Edward was not real, if he wasn't real than why am I curled up in a ball in my bed with eyes full of tears just because I allowed myself to utter his name?
Now all I can do is, wait for my knight to come save me from my so called life because as much as I want to move on with my life as any other girl would after a relationship ends, I can't. All I can now do is living my life like a robot, doing the basics, and if I let myself see the truth scare the shit out of Charlie and whoever bothers enough to look at me for more than a minute. I am a living corpse; I guess turning into vampire wasn't such a bad idea after all.
I want someone to save me… I want that someone to be him… even though he promised he'll never be back… I am making myself believe that he will break his promise like he broke his first one… I am waiting for that… I am waiting to be saved…
I hate being helpless, but there's nothing I can really do to stop myself from living like this. I can't gather myself up to care for someone, or to even care for myself…