Mahou Sensei Negima and all its characters belong to Akamatsu Ken, and the author of this fanfiction hasn't made any profits from it, nor will he ever do.
All other mentioned characters also belong to their respective copyright holders, and don't forget it.
No resemblance between the events, institutions and characters portrayed here and any real life people, situations or institutions, out of the legally allowed parody purposes, is intended.
This fanfic is part of the Negima 101 fanfiction pieces challenge at the TV Tropes Forums. Check it out of you can!
Thanks a lot to Shadow Crystal Mage, Darkenning, Sereg, Japanese Teeth and the rest of the gang for their inspiration and support.
THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING CHAMO-KUN: PART 3
No Familiars have been Killed or Injured during the creation of this Fanfic…
"I'm Horo, Negi's childhood friend and helper!"
"Wh-Why aren't you wearing any clothes?-!" Asuna yelped.
No wonder why the brat never felt as awkward around female nudity as Asuna had believed he should be...
"Please don't be so harsh to act, Mister Fate," the pony shyly asked, "and at least listen to what Master Negi has to suggest, will you...?"
Fate casted icy eyes on her. "What? Why, may I ask, should I waste my—"
Then she gave him that stare.
"— my time listening... to that—"
She continued staring, not making any sound.
"—I mean, he couldn't possibly have anything of any value... to offer... in this—"
Fate sighed and turned to Negi. "Very well, what sort of inanity do you want to propose?"
"I can't remember!" Negi grabbed his own head. "That stare always affects me so much, even if it isn't directed at me!"
Asuna looked dubiously at the towering metallic abomination.
"So... it will draw a circle," she said.
"Yes!" Negi nodded nervously, with his eyes very open.
"Brat, it doesn't have freakin' hands," the schoolgirl reminded him. "HOW CAN THAT STUPID THING DRAW A CIRCLE ON THE GROUND?-!"
The machine zoomed its massive guns down, then shot down several times all around Negi and Asuna's feet, making the girl to yipe in terror. A few moments of thundering bangs later, they were surrounded by a glowing circular figure made of cracked bullet holes on the ground.
Negi smiled. "See? 209's actually very efficient, as long as stairs aren't involved in any way!"
Asuna blushed bright red, pressing her hands down on her crotch. "Tell your efficient robot buddy to efficiently bring me a spare pair of panties. RIGHT NOW!"
"Setchan? Um, not that I mind, but you're being awfully affectionate today..."
"Sorry to be so hasty, Kono, I mean, Ojou-sama, but I only have five minutes to do this. I'll explain my reasons tonight..."
A second Setsuna appeared right behind the Setsuna currently on top of Konoka, firmly holding Yuunagi against her throat. "You bastard...!"
Negi laid back on his futon, with his arms crossed behind his neck. "I wonder what's taking Oolong so long..."
Asuna shrugged from where she sat struggling with her homework. "Dunno. But somehow, something keeps telling me a few things about Setsuna enjoying a bacon dinner, or something like that..."
Asuna's last thoughts as the thing bursted out of her was they really shouldn't have allowed Negi's pet to sleep at their room.
"But Master!" the doll still implored. "He's the love of my life! I can feel it! We share the same tastes in fine knives! And mercilessly mocking others! And then slicing them open! He's the only one who UNDERSTANDS! You can't take him away!"
"Sorry, Chachazero," the undead mage dryly said. "They said they had no room for two murderous creepy dolls in the same storyline, and that's it. Unless YOU want to go instead of him..."
Chachazero paused, open mouthed, before slowly tilting her head towards the male doll now in Anju's arms. "Sorry, lover. I'm not quitting this paycheck."
"You bitch," Boogie told her. "That's why I love you. Goodbye. I'll see you in Hell."
Chachazero sniffed. "Don't say that! You'll just make this even harder!"
Negi, Konoka, Setsuna, Chachamaru and Nodoka waved their goodbyes as Evangeline sneered dismissively at the slowly distacing Anju. "Inferior vampires..."
Chachazero had started to bawl, drying her theoretically impossible tears with the blood stained handkerchief he had left her. Meanwhile, Asuna just stood next to her, both her hands covered with bloody bandages.
"At least my fingers will be safe now."
Asuna pointed a finger at her, incredulously. "And you... are the little animal friend Negi told me about...?"
The girl wagged her tail and nodded.
"Okay, I understand you have a tail, and animal ears, and a light layer of fur of sorts... but that isn't enough to make you count as a pet. Konoka will ask things, and so, you can't stay here."
"Oh, don't worry! Actually, I'll be staying over at Yue-sama's..." she pointed at the doorstep, where Yue stood with a dog collar, a bowl with the name 'Collet' written on it, and some racy lingerie in her hands.
"I'll take real good care of her," Ayase promised flatly.
Negi walked up to his old Familiar and pet, patting his head fondly. Behind him, his thirty one sexy loving wives waited.
"Buttons," he said, "Tonight, we'll be assisting a royal gala at Mother's palace, so please look after Nanami, Kyosuke, Nina, Arika-chan, the other Arika-chan, Multi, Rosette, Alex, Amaterasu, Rally, and all the others while we're out, okay? And don't let them to walk out of the house, get in troubles, or pick fights with Fate's children again, will you?"
Buttons yelped, jerked his head back to the bunch of children noisily playing around with wands and staffs, and then turned his widened eyes at the audience.
And he finally spoke, in a very Frank Welker-ish voice.
"You must be kidding me!"
The Pink Panther
For some reason, after Negi's familiar showed up, no one could speak ever again in the series.
Zazie never noticed a difference.
Satomi learned to cope by getting herself cartels and taking classes on speed writing in the Saotome Genma school. Even so, her info-dumps were never the same again.
Asuna and Ayaka had to resort to violent and rude hand gesturing for their fights.
Dynamis was left a broken shell of a man long before ever meeting Negi face to face.
Tippy Toe and Monkey Joe
"— and that's the story of how those two brave squirrels defeated Cosmo Entelecheia and the Lifemaker. All by themselves. With two paws tied behind their backs."
"Come on, Gramps, surely you are just bullshi—"
A squirrel jumped out of nowhere and dropkicked the insolent child in the head.
Puss in Boots
The combined forces of Cosmo Entelecheia gasped in impotence at the devastating sight deployed before them.
"NOOOO!" Dynamis dropped down to his knees, grabbing his head with both hands. "My only true weakness! Curse you! how could you know...!"
"It's... so simply adorable..." Homura's face winced time and time again.
"What... What are these conflicting emotions suddenly bubbling inside my chest?" Fate nervously wondered. "I must go on, and yet... I cannot walk past those pleading eyes..."
Quartum groaned in annoyance. "Buncha wimps. I'll do it." He cracked his knuckles and gave a first step ahead... right before Sextum punched him through three hills.
Koyomi panted, already tugging down on her clothes. "I'm so sorry, Fate-sama, but—!"
Chachamaru jealously grabbed Puss from behind, pulling him protectively against herself. "MINE!" she hissed.
Lobo's Frag Penguin Squad
That whole half of Mars was a scorched mess by the time they were done.
"YEAH! THAT'LL TEACH THEM BASTITCHES WHO'S BOSS, WON'T IT, BRO?" one of the heavily armed fowls howled, scratching his crotch with a flipper while holding a hideously huge hand cannon in the other.
"HELL YEAH! NO ONE MESSES WITH THE MAIN BOY AND HIS PALS!" another penguin guffawed, taking a deep smoke from his cigar before slapping Nodoka in the butt. "NOW BRING ME A BEER TO CELEBRATE, SKIRT!"
Nodoka sighed very deep and sadly, then began to stomp a foot down on the penguin's head, over and over.
"I LOVE WHEN YA GET FEISTY, BABE!"
"Yeah! It's party time, dood!" another penguin skipped around happily.
One of the largest frag penguins sighed and shot him through the chest. "WHY DO THESE WANNABES KEEP SHOWIN' UP?"
Chisame shot Negi a jaded glare. "I told you we should have left them with the crazy space biker."
Negi turned around to sulk. "I wanted the dolphins instead, but he wouldn't part with them..."
Extra: The Importance of Being Kyuubey-kun
"And to become Magical Girls... you will need..." the ermine grinned, holding a piece of chalk up, "... KISSING EACH OTHER!-!-!"
"... Ah?" was all Sayaka could muster.
Mami blinked very slowly. "Well, I... suppose it can be done..."
Homura briefly looked at the vaguely tempted Madoka, her small mouth half open in silent pondering. That made her smile a little.
She already liked that little thing better than Kyuubey.