Disclaimer: I do not own Megamind.
Summary: Minion hires a speech therapist for Megamind to help him better pronounce words.
A/N: I decided this would be quite funny, considering the whole speech issue is a major part of the movie. Also my mother is a speech therapist who teaches elementary kids how to pronounce simple and hard words, so I consider this a tribute to her profession, from which she is retiring in a few years. This story may contain spoilers for the movie! (Words he mispronounces are in italics once again.)
"This absurd waffle making device is driving me boonkers!" Megamind complained as he scraped several pieces of waffle off the interior of the machine.
"That's 'bonkers,' sir," Minion corrected gently as he shook some spray.
"Whatever." He sighed in frustration before tossing the spatula to the side. "Oh, Minion, why must break-fast be so difficult?"
"It's not, really... I just don't think you followed the directions." He pointed at a sign that said to spray the maker first before pouring the batter.
"Oh, as if I need that! I'm a super villain genius, remember? Hence the name of Megamind..." He grinned before snatching the spray can from his friend. "I shall conquer this contraption, or I shall hereafter be known as 'Bob!'"
Five minutes later...
"So, Bob," Minion started with a smirk.
"Not funny." The alien ripped the device from the wall, hurled it into the air, and blasted it to oblivion with one of his destructive guns. "Strike my declaration from earlier. I shall always be known as Megamind, despite my idiocy and eccentrifications."
Megamind poked out a pouting lip before turning with a frown to his best friend. "Why must you always correct me?"
"Sir, if you don't mind my suggesting, I think it would do you, me, and the rest of the world some good if we got a speech therapist to help you."
"Why?" He crossed his arms bitterly. "If they couldn't help me in shool, there's no way some egghead from an ooniversity can help me."
"It's school and university, and sure, he can!" The fish in the robot body put his hands to his knees and smiled encouragingly at his boss. "Come on, sir! It could be fun."
He scoffed and rolled his eyes before sighing. "Oh, very well. But beware that if this doesn't work, you can start looking for another monkey body."
"Eh, point taken, sir..."
Research benefitted Minion's plan as he located a man named Dr. Knows. He thought the name was rather telling and a little strange, but he didn't really let it stop him from hiring the man. After all, aside from taking it to court, one really couldn't help having a peculiar last name.
"Megamind," the middle-aged man guessed as he entered the lair one Friday afternoon. "Wonderful to meet you. I am Dr. Knows."
"Well," the blue-skinned alien began sarcastically with a tiny smirk, "I'm glad a doctor knows that you exist."
"No, my name is Dr. Benjamin Knows. I'm your speech therapist. We are going to get to the bottom of your mispronunciation about which your friend has told me."
"Smart and well-spoken," Minion gushed as he happily sat next to them. "Jackpot!"
Megamind looked at the fish pointedly. "Do you mind, Minion? You cannot sit in on my sessions. I forbid it."
"Did you just use a French accent to say 'sessions?'" The doctor chuckled. "I can see we're going to have fun with this..."
About an hour into the session, Dr. Knows was holding up flash cards with little pictures on them. The first one was a cow.
"Cow," Megamind said happily. "You know, cows make shlocolate milk!"
"Um," the doctor began with a hidden smile, "they just make milk... The chocolate is added later." He then held up a new picture of a dragon.
"Ah. Oh, that is a drag-on. I read about those things. They're all scaly and rude."
"Yes, but it's pronounced 'dragon,' without any separation of the word."
"Let's try something a little more difficult." The next card was a picture of a comic book with words like 'pow' and 'bang' inside. "What word do we use to describe words like 'pop,' 'bang,' and 'boom?'"
"Oh, simple. Onomatopoeia."
The doctor gaped at his patient. "Do you mean to tell me that you know the correct pronunciation for onomatopoeia, and yet you can't even pronounce school?"
"Well, it was never the long words that troubled me..." He grinned. "Getting a little too heavy for you, Dr. Know-it-all?"
He cleared his throat before he could correct the younger man. "Let us continue..."
A few hours later, the good doctor resigned from his hiring, explaining to Minion that it would be virtually impossible to teach Megamind the right way to say words due to his internal preconceived pronunciations.
"Is that really why you're quitting?" Minion asked skeptically.
"No, I'm just sick of him mocking me." He left without another word.
"Welcome to my world..." The fish shut the door and turned around to see a smirking Megamind. "What?"
"So it turns out that you're not so good at making masterminded plans. That's why they should be left to me." He flipped his cloak behind him. "Metro City is used to my slip-ups by now, and so is Roxanne, so just jump on the bandwagon, you fantastic and faskinating fish." He chuckled and left the area.
Minion sighed. "Of all the arrogant super villains I could have ended up serving, I had to end up with the one who murders adjectives..."
(A/N: I know some words are spelled wrong, but I figured it'd be easier to imagine Megamind's pronunciation if I spelled it like he would say it. lol Hope you all liked this! Have a great day!)