DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or the characters, I just play with them.
Previously on C&G (EPOV Ch. 39) …
Taking a huge deep breath I closed my eyes and turn my arms wrists up. "You know the tatts I did in memory of my parents?" I asked.
Bella nodded and her eyes quickly went to both my wrist. She carefully lifted one of her hands and started tracing the ink with her fingertips with so much reverence that it broke my heart. Because my actions had been weak and coward.
"They..." I stammered. "They have another purpose too."
Bella raised her brow, not really understanding what I meant.
"I...I...Bella..." I took a deep breath and willed myself to tell her. "Bella, these tattoos cover scars," I finally said. "Scars that I inflicted on myself."
"Edward." Her voice trembled as the wheels in her mind started to put together what I was so ashamed to say.
"That day in my uncle's house...that day Bella," I looked at her and looking her and just said it. "I tried to kill myself."
"Edward...wha..." I just couldn't even understand what he had just told me, or maybe I just didn't want to understand it. It was too much, too painful to even try and comprehend it.
He had tried to... No! I couldn't even say it in my own mind. A world without him, a life without Edward wouldn't be possible for me. I was here because of him. I needed him!
But I didn't let him finish, I knew I had heard him right and I wanted to know. I needed to know.
"Why?" I asked.
Edward lowered his eyes, shame coloring his features and for a second I thought it was better to tell him that it didn't matter, that the past was in the past and it was better to forget it. But it did matter, at least to me and I wanted to know if it had been a one time occurrence or if he had tried more than once.
"I..." He stammered, "I don't really remember much Bella, I mean I remember my aunt coming to my room and taking my tattoo supplies away from me, I remember getting pissed and stealing alcohol from my uncle. I told you that remember? I told you that after getting wasted I had done something; something I wasn't proud of."
I nodded. I did remember him telling me that a while back; when he had trusted me with his story just as I had trusted him with mine, but I had never thought he had gone to that extreme. Being honest I had even forgotten about that small part he had omitted while telling me about his past. I was sure whatever it was it may not be as bad as he thought it was. I guess I was wrong.
"Well," He sighed. "It looks like I drank myself into oblivion because I do not remember much after that. When I woke up I was already at the hospital. I had sliced my wrists with a blade." He chuckled, but there was not humour at all in the sound. "I don't even know where I got the blade from, but I did. I hit rock bottom at that point and I knew something had to change."
"So you didn't really want to..." I swallowed. "Die?" I knew it may have sounded stupid, but the way he said it, it looked like he wasn't thinking when he did it and even though it may have been stupid it gave me a little bit of comfort.
"No B," He shook his head. "My life wasn't in a good place, not by a long shot, but I had never considered not even once to take my life. I was so disgusted with myself after it happened, all I could think was how disappointed my parents would be, just like my aunt had said." He sighed sadly, "After that my uncle Carlisle asked me to start with therapy again and I swear I didn't even fight him on it I knew I couldn't continue with the path I was in so I started talking with a shrink and things got a little bit better after that. At least my aunt stopped being so obvious about her dislike towards me and as soon as I could I left that house, I left this city and started all over again."
"Your aunt, she is..." I sighed and tried to keep all the anger inside.
That woman didn't care about Edward, she had hurt him instead of helping him get over the loss of his parents. How could someone be so callous? And most of all, how his uncle could put up with her? It was obvious he was a good man, someone that cared for a little boy when no one would, because even though it was his responsibility as his uncle there were other relatives that didn't care, an example where Edward's maternal family, which as far as I knew had cut all ties with him after he went to live with Carlisle.
"She isn't worth it babe," Edward said, referring to her aunt Esme. "I just try to ignore her, but today she really got on my nerves and I couldn't just keep it together." There was a moment of silence both of us processing what had been said. "I'm sorry B,"
"You don't have to apologize for her Edward, you did nothing wrong tonight."
"I'm not apologizing for my aunt, I'm," And when he looked down at his hands, more specifically his wrists, where his tattoos –tribute to his parents- covered the evidence of that horrible day, I knew what he meant.
"You don't have to apologize for that ether." Because even though it did hurt me that he had tried to end his life, I knew deep in my heart that it had been a mistake and that he regretted it. Besides, I hadn't known him back then. It wasn't me who he needed to apologize to.
"I don't deserve you B, I don't..."
"Please don't say that Edward," I said as I slowly, but surely, made my way closer to him. "I love you, so much and all I want is for us to go back home and forget all the bad things that happened in our lives. I want us to start looking forward to the good things in life, to start and build a future. You, me and our baby."
His eyes bored into mine, like he was looking for something. Our eyes stayed locked for a while, and then suddenly a smile started forming on his lips, a smile that was mirrored in my own face.
"Hey! Don't forget T," He said. "She is part of our family too."
I chuckled, the tension of the talk totally melting away. "Yes, and our T."
He quickly pulled me towards him, wrapping his arms around my body. "Home," He sighed. "I like that."
"I do too."
"Let's go, right now." Edward said excitedly. He stood up turning on the lamp next to him. "Let's pack our bags and go to the airport, see if we can get a flight to New York tonight."
I didn't have to think it twice as I jumped to my feet as well. "Let's start packing. I want to go home right now!"
And that's just what we did.
"I missed you too my girl! So much!"
I couldn't stop giggling at the sight in front of me. Edward was sprawled on the floor as T jumped all over him, alternating between licking his face and biting his arms or legs playfully. It was good to be home. It really was.
"What about me T?" I asked. "Didn't you miss me?" I said as I took a sit on the couch.
She suddenly looked at me, her head went slightly to the side and a look of sock crossed her face as if she hadn't seen me before; she quickly made her way towards me, jumping on her little two back legs and trying to get on my lap.
"Be careful T," Edward said. "Don't forget your little sister is chillin' there!"
With some assistance on my part, T was able to get on my lap. She placed her head on my growing tummy and stayed quiet.
"That's my T," I said with a smile. "She knows she has to be gentle, right?"
T looked at me, gave a small bark and then went back to rest on my lap and liking my hands.
"Thank you so much Angela," Edward said as soon as he started to stand up. "I really can't say how much I appreciate that you did this for us, it means a lot."
Angela waved him off and took a sit on the couch next to me. "No problem Edward. T and I had a great time, right girl?"
But of course T didn't pay much attention to Angela now that Edward and I were here.
"Besides," Angela said. "Sam was beyond happy to have her there."
And as soon as T heard Sam's name she quickly looked around the room. I giggled at that while Edward just shook his head.
"Why didn't you bring him?" I asked as I petted T on her head.
"Jasper has him for the day," Angela said. "I thought it was better that way, you two must be really tired after your trip and if I had brought him here it would have taken hours for me to be able and leave. Which by the way I'm doing that right now!"
"You don't have to leave Angela, we are just going to order something out to eat. What would you like?" Edward asked.
"No thanks," Angela said. "I really have to go. I promised Jasper that I would cook something for him. I hope all those classes Bella dragged me to paid off because I don't want to embarrass myself."
"Hey!" I defended playfully. "I didn't drag you anywhere. Didn't you say you wanted to impress your in-laws?"
Angela blushed scarlet which made Edward and I laugh.
After a few more words Angela finally left and Edward and I order in, but not before promising me that we would go grocery shopping the day following day. I was completely over take out and hotel food, at least for a while.
That night after eating we went straight to bed and much to Edward's whining T slept right there on the bed with us.
We were finally at home, all of us together and all I could do was to thank the heavens for some peace after all we've been through in the last couple of weeks. I just hoped the bad times were behind us and that things started to look up from now on. We both deserved it.
I deserved it.
Time flies when life is busy and most of all when after so much turmoil in life you finally feel like happiness does exist.
I had been in high spirits this past couple of months. I was beginning to see happiness in my life. And time was passing faster than ever.
After our unexpected trip to Chicago Edward had changed, it was subtle, but I knew him well enough to notice this changes. It seemed as if a big weight had been lifted off his shoulders and he now smiled more, laughed more, sang more. He was writing more music now with the band and we spend many evenings in Mike's townhouse; the guys rehearsing while Jessica, Lauren, Angela and I cooked, laughed, joked and talked. Jessica and Lauren would tell me about their experiences as moms and Angela and I would listen with fascination at everything they said. I couldn't believe having a baby could be as hard as they said, they were just so small, how much trouble could they be? Of course when I voiced my thoughts they would laugh and said I would find out soon enough. I guess I would.
Edward's uncle hadn't come to visit us yet, but he and Edward had been talking regularly and their relationship -as per Edward's words- was better than ever.
The shop was getting so much business we could hardly keep up, we were all working hard and Edward had told me time and time again how proud he was of his crew. The guys knew this, and they in return worked with everything they had to prove themselves even more. We had even a new girl in the shop, her name was Leah and she was going to be with us for a few months, at least that was the plan as of right now. The shop couldn't be doing better.
With Angela's help I had finally been able to get my GED and I couldn't feel more proud about it. I didn't know when and if I would pursue a College degree, but at least I had the option. Maybe one day, the possibilities were endless now. For the first time in my life I felt like I could do what I wanted to when I wanted to and I knew that if I wanted to study in the future I could, just because that had been my choice.
The lawsuit against the hospital had ended before it even started, because thanks to Caius and a friend of him -who was an excellent lawyer- we were able to get a settlement. The hospital had agreed on paying me a good amount of money for what they called a 'mistake'. Edward was not too happy with the decision, saying we needed to take them to trial and make them pay even more, but being honest I didn't have the time nor energy to do that, besides I couldn't say I didn't feel a little bit guilty, because even though at that time it had been an extremely horrible situation to be in, now I couldn't wait to meet my little girl and I felt bad for getting money suing people because of her existence.
To add to that, I was just a few weeks away from my due date and I had told Tanya that I wanted to start fresh, that I didn't want to taint my daughter with my past and all I wanted was a new and fresh start, so I wanted everything over and done with.
Of course I knew it was impossible to erase my past and start anew. All the things that happened to me would always be there, but I hoped I saw them now as that, my past. It would always hurt, of that I was sure, but it wouldn't stop me from being happy, not anymore.
With everything settled and Edward's house in Chicago sold we had jumped right into buying a place for us, for our family. We had found a small three bedroom town-home close to the shop that we hoped to call our own if everything went well with the negotiations. It was a scary thing, but I couldn't deny the exciment I felt at contribuiting to our future since we both were going to pay part of the mortgage. It hadn't been easy to convince Edward but in the end he understood that I wanted, needed to do this, for him, for our little one, for me.
And one of the changes I was the most happy about was the growth in my relationship with Edward. My Edward.
Our emotional relationship had always been strong, but now it seemed as if we had known each other since the day we had been born, as if our souls had been created for one another; and our physical relationship -I smiled just thinking about it- was great despites me getting bigger by the day. We hadn't made love, not yet, but we didn't need that to go all the way to show the love we had for each other, at least that's what Edward told me every time we tried but I just couldn't go through with it. We were taking everything day by day and I was sure soon enough I would be able to show Edward my devotion with my entire body, it was just a matter of time.
"What are you thinking B?" Edward said as he placed a kiss on my shoulder and embraced me from behind.
I shivered at the contact and smiled. "About everything," I sighed.
"What does that mean?" He asked with a small chuckle. "You can't possibly be thinking about everything at the same time."
"Just that time is going by so fast," I sighed as I placed a hand on my belly. "She will be here soon,"
Edward smiled. "Four weeks," He said.
"Yes," I smiled as well. "Four weeks and we'll have our little girl here with us. Or who knows it can be sooner or later, you heared what the doctor said, you just never know for sure."
Edward didn't say anything and when I turned my face to look at him I could see it was his turn to look deep in thought, maybe even a little nervous, which puzzled me. As of lately I would caught him all lost in his own mind and when I asked he would always say it was nothing, that he just had a lot on his mind, but I was starting to believe it wasn't just that.
"What's wrong? What are you thinking?" It was my turn to ask.
He shook his head and took a step back. "Nothing, well...ok I have to... I think, ugh!" He groaned. "I have to tell you something,"
My face must have been full of worry because he quickly added.
"Is nothing bad, I swear. Well at least I think is not."
"What? Tell me,"
"Come sit with me," He said as he guided me to the sofa.
Once we were both sitting down he took a deep breath and looked at me right in the eye.
"Bella," He said. "I want you in my life forever, both of you," He said as he placed a hand atop my tummy.
"I know you do. I want that too, you know that right?" I asked.
He nodded his head and took a deep breath. "I want...I mean if you want..." He stammered.
"Just tell me Edward, please," I begged.
"I want our baby to be my daughter, in every sense of the word." I must have looked a little bit confused because he clarified. "I want her to have my last name B, I want to adopt her as my own."
There was never a doubt in my mind that Edward wanted this child, not a doubt that he would love her as his own, but I had never even thought about the fact that he may want to share his last name with her, which was kind of stupid since we were already a family, at least in our hearts we were. Of course he wanted our girl to be legally his as well.
"I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to..." He quickly amended. "I was just thinking, I..."
"Edward stop," I said placing my hand atop his mouth. "Do you really mean it?"
He looked into my eyes and with my hand still pressed on his mouth he nodded. "I do, I really do B,"
I couldn't have been able to stop the tears even if I wanted to, it was just too much; this man, my man, he was way and beyond what I deserved.
"Of course I want her to be yours Edward. I want our little girl to be a Cullen."
I nodded through blurry vision.
"But not just her," Edward said, a blinding smile on his face.
"What?" I asked totally confused, my tears halted for the moment.
"T! Come here T!" Edward quickly yelled and not a second later I could hear tiny steps coming towards us.
I didn't know how or when Edward had gotten that ridiculous outfit for T, but there she was in a pink tutu with a horrible hat that was almost bigger than her head. Poor thing. She seemed totally ok with it though, not at all uncomfortable as she walked towards Edward.
He quickly picked her up and with one hand started removing the contraption on her little head.
"Good idea!" I laughed, throwing my head back into the couch. "That thing is bigger than her,"
Edward didn't seem to be paying any attention to me as he maneuver the hat out of T and when I looked towards him I realized why; my laugh stopping alltogether at the sight in front of me.
Edward wasn't sitting on the couch anymore, he was sitting on the floor, at my feet, with the contraption on his hands.
It was there when I realized that T wasn't wearing an actual hat, but a proof of this beautiful man's love for me.
"Bella, would you marry me?"
A/N.- Is anybody there? Are people still reading my story?
I'm so sorry for the delay and thanks so much for being so patient with me. I can't thank you enough for your support and please believe me I'll try to have this story finished as soon as I can. The story is almost closing, don't know how many chapters left so I won't give you an exact number, just a couple more I think.
This chapter wasn't pre-read or betaed so all mistakes (which may be a lot) are completely mine, don't blame Lynn or Mony please! Love you my girls :) I just wanted to have it out there for you to read and didn't want to bother my girls since they are both super busy!
Next week I'm off to Los Angeles for a very deserved vacation! I'm taking my little one with me of course; he is already 8 months! Can you believe it? Wish me luck on the flight because I'm a little bit nervous, is just a 3 hours flight but still, it's the first time I do it as a mommy!
Lots of love for all of you :D