It was a peaceful, sunny day in the sunflower field. Or it would be, if I were not being disturbed by cat hell spawn. "Well, well," I say, gritting my teeth. "Aren't you a brave kitty. What's your name?"
"Rin Kaenbyou, ma'am. And I take it you're Miss Yuuka Kazami, master of flowers and genocide?"
"One and the same," I reply, politely but firmly. "It's so rare for fertilizer to come willingly, you know, what makes you so foolish today?"
"Well, I had some time off, and I'm a huge fan of your work, you see, will you sign my remains?" the cat asks, pulling a skull and a pen out of her wheelbarrow.
"I suppose I can give a last request," I say, signing the thing's forehead and handing it back to the cat.
"EEEEEEE, thank you thank you thank you," Rin says, squealing as I point my umbrella at her.
"Goodbye," I say, aiming my umbrella slightly upwards so as to miss the sunflowers. With a flash of light, I obliterate all in the path of my umbrella, and peace returns to the field.
"That. Is. So. Cool!" the cat squeals.
Looks like I was mistaken. I turn around to face the girl. Fast and annoying. She will be troublesome.
The girl goes on, "Is that how you wipe cities off the map?"
"No, it's too small for that, at best I'd take out a small village. Now cities, on the other hand," I say, as every sunflower in my field turns to the cat. "Well, I am a gardener, and cities are weeds."
Every sunflower in my field lunges out of the ground towards the cat, who weaves around the rapidly ascending stalks as she throws herself to the sky. "You really are as amazing as they say, I can't get near you at all like this!"
Unfortunately, I can't seem to touch the girl either. This is why I hate cats, they have no problem cheating death eight times in a row.
"If you'd be so kind as to stop moving, I'd love to show your how my roses get their lovely red hue," I say.
"Ooooo, you use blood too. It's got a great hue," the cat yells, rapidly retreating from my flowers, "Back home we only use it on the walls."
I snap, and my flowers return back to earth, losing the massive size they gained to chase the cat.
"Alright girl," I smirk, "You've got my attention. Where is this home of yours?"
"It's the Palace of the Earth Spirits."
"And who are you," I continue.
"Ah, well, I'm Rin Kaenbyou," the girl starts before I cut her off.
"Yes, that's your name, but who are you?"
"Well, I suppose I'm the girl responsible for feeding bodies to the fires of hell. Somebody's got to keep the furnace fueled."
"Ah," I say, "Well, you may be the big-shot in hell, but up here, let's just say you do not want to cross me."
"Cross you?" Rin says. "No, no, no, you've got me all wrong. I happy just meeting you!"
"That is a surprise," I say, "But I'm afraid I'm only good at making bodies, not disposing of them."
"True, but you are the best at making bodies!" Orin says. "Your record back in 1944 has never been beaten. You're a living legend!"
"And yet you still come to me," I say.
"Of course." Rin says. "You're the last big name left."
"I am?" I say, a little shocked.
"The big killers are all dead. The world isn't as twisted as it used to be. Sure, their spirits live on, and I love talking to those guys. Henry and Genghis can be a real riot sometimes," the cat explains. "But you, you have one thing they lack - You're still alive. You're still raking up bodies. And you're still the best at it."
I look at the girl. I say, "Alright, I'll amuse you. What do you want to know?"
"Well, the big stuff," Rin says, clutching her signed skull. "How many. Your methods. And why."
"Well, the number depends on who you include," I smirk. "Sure, I killed millions of humans, but what about livestock foolish enough to eat my flowers? Deer who trample them, wolves who dig them up, there are billions of creatures I have decided needed my help to cease acting inappropriately, usually by ceasing their functions completely."
"Ah," Rin says, pulling out a notebook from her wheelbarrow as she begins to take notes. "And what about the youkai?"
"Youkai foolishly think they count more than humans, and both think I care about them more than worms. I couldn't begin to distinguish them from that tally, but then again, why would you? And I suppose you think you're somehow above my judgment as well?"
"Oh no," Rin says, "I'm just good at running. So now, how do you do it?"
Glancing at the roots at the girl's feet, I admit this girl would make an interesting flower. "Well, I suppose that depends on my mood. I mean, some days you want to do a little gardening, some days you want to blast the weeds away, and some days, you want to rip the heads off the fertilizer. Of course, it's even easier if you're subtle; I've poisoned my share of water supplies. And then there are days when I just let civilization grow. Cultivate. Spread. What fun is gardening without letting it become a challenge?"
"Ooooo, I think I'm starting to get you," Rin says. "And the why is starting to look obvious. Wait, lemme guess, you love your garden more than anything, and kill anyone who gets in the way of it?"
"Close girl. The flowers are my friends. Fauna are their butcher. And I am their caretaker," I say, as the roots slowly work their way around the ignorant girl's legs. I walk up to the girl, pointing my umbrella at her throat. "And since the weed stands before me, let me pluck you now."
A flash explodes from the tip of my umbrella. I look down, seeing the girl lying under me, the roots cut. I point my left index finger at her, and another flash explodes, this time from my free hand.
"Oooo boy, that must be a dual spark!" Rin says from behind me again. "Whelp, gotta get back to work sis! So, I'll be seeing ya?"
I smirk, clapping twice. "You, I think I'll cultivate you."