Disclaimer: Nothing related to Hawaii Five-0 belongs to me. I'm just having some fun with Steve and Danno.

McGarrett's No Good, Horrible, Very Bad Morning

By: Vanessa Sgroi

Steve McGarrett quietly entered 5-0 headquarters and walked slowly toward his desk hoping against hope his partner, Danny Williams, remained absorbed in whatever file it was currently in front of him. It wasn't meant to be.

"Whoa. What happened to you?"

Steve flinched at the sound of Danny's voice. "Nothing. Nothing happened to me." The lieutenant commander proceeded to the coffee pot, poured a mug of the fresh brew, and took a sip, recoiling slightly when the hot liquid savaged his split lip and burned his tongue.

"Well, something sure as hell happened. You didn't look like that last night when we finally got out of here." The detective eyed Steve shrewdly. "Lemme guess—was it Kaluki's—you went to Kaluki's last night and said something to piss someone off, and got into a bar fight."

"There was no bar fight."

"C'mon, it was about a woman, right? You hit on her at the bar and her gigantic boyfriend set you straight."

"There was no bar fight," Steve growled a second time. He swallowed more coffee before giving up and plunking the mug down on his desk.

"Then what's with the black eye. And the fat lip, and the cut on your chin. And the limp—don't forget the limp."

Steve sighed. "You're not going to stop talking until I tell you, are you?"


"It's just a case of bad pomaika'i."


"Luck. Bad luck."

Danny raised a questioning eyebrow.

McGarrett shifted uneasily in his chair. "It all started with a nightmare and my alarm clock."

"Go on."

"So I was in the middle of a nightmare when my alarm went off. I…uh…struck out at it, and I knocked it off the nightstand."

"Uh huh."

"So I jumped out of bed when it crashed to the floor. And…"


"I was still a little groggy, you know, and I slammed my toe into the bed post."

"Ahhh, the limp…"

"Yeah. Then I got in the shower. Cut myself shaving. Twice." Steve pointed to his chin.

"And the black eye?"

McGarrett sighed again and closed his one good eye. "My cell phone rang and it was still in the bedroom. I was trying to hurry and get it when I hit my toe again. I was off balance and slipped and fell in the shower."

Danny grimaced. "Ouch. So black eye and fat lip from the shower."

"Black eye is from the shower. Fat lip is from me tripping over a towel."

"A towel?"

"Eh. Don't ask."

"Man, did somebody put a curse on you or what?"

Steve snorted then winced as it ramped up his burgeoning headache. "You know, if I didn't know better…"

"Well, it's not like there's a shortage of potential candidates…"

The lieutenant commander shot a glare at his partner.

"You know, all things considered," Danny stroked his chin, "I'm not sure I want to be around you today. It could be dangerous. I mean MORE dangerous than usual."

"Bite me." McGarrett glowered.

"I'm serious. You should go home. Lay low."

"Not a fu…" Steve's phone rang before he could complete the sentiment. After several seconds, Steve muttered "got it" and stood. "Call Chin and Kono. Tell them to meet us at Kapiolani Park."

Steve slid the key into the ignition and started the car while Danny was on the phone. He put the car in gear and pulled into traffic. He was just changing lanes as they neared the first intersection when a young kid ran the light, slamming into the rear driver's side of Steve's car, spinning it around. A few seconds later, Steve groaned and lifted his head from the now-deployed airbag. He rubbed at the blood flowing across his upper lip from his nose. His bleary gaze sought Danny's. "You're right. I shoulda gone home," he croaked.

Biting back a groan of his own, Danny muttered, "Told ya. Maybe next time you'll listen to me."

Steve gently shook his head and did his best to grin. "Probably not."