Disclamiar: I don't own D. Gray - Man, some really awesome person does…

Important! Please read!

Allen is not a Second Exorcist! She is something else…

I'm sorry if you don't like it… but I had to… the stupid bunny wouldn't leave me alone!

Warning: This may be a tad gruesome…. and a little confusing still, just bare with me... also Allen is a girl (Fem!Allen).…

Pairing: Will be Poker Pair at some point, when Ellen's older... so Tyki x Ellen and a little Kanda Yuu x Alma Karma

Special thanks to Belletiger BT! Your so cool for giving me ideas and helping with working out the plot bunny's! The title of this fic Belletiger BT came up with! Thank you! : )


Stagnate.

They where stuck, trapped. Unable to move forward…

She was confused and her left arm hurt. Her guardian angel hummed with sorrow, because it knew that he was the cause of her pain, but then the small child could hear its hope and stubbornness to not leave her…

Not this time…

Stagnate.

"So this is the child?" A deep familiar voice spoke from before her, and the small five year old lifted her dim silver eyes, peering through her white eyelashes, at the one that had spoken. The small little girl was once again sitting at that cold metal table, within the room that all of the child's testing took place in. This room, the little girl was starting to hate this room...

Familiar tunes danced all around her, the sounds ranging from hopeful to uncaring bordering on hateful...

Stagnate, they were all stuck in their blindness

Why couldn't they see..?

Why was she so numb?

Who was she...?

The sounds all around her sounded so muddled and muffled…

Like it her dreams…


"Hello?" a man's voice called out and he turned, his grey eyes narrowing at the well dressed nobleman that stood only a few steps behind him. The man's light brown eyes looked happy yet confused. His mouth set in a smile and his hands in his pockets.

The nobleman tilted his head, that confusion deepening. "I was trying to find were to buy tickets for the show… could you point me in the right direction?" The man said, his light brown eyes not once looking away from his narrowed grey.


The man that had spoken to her was old, his dark heavy eyes were lined with black and the small child thought that it looked like he was wearing glasses…

The old grey haired adult reached out and lifted her left arm up and started to remove the bandages. His old dark eyes narrowing as little girl's small fingers started to twitch once they were free from the once white cloth. "The damage is quiet severe. The skin looks like it was burned… interesting... But look here…"

Bak and Edgar were suddenly looking over the shorter and older male's shoulders. "Her arm has started to heal a little, the healing skin is taking on a dark pigment- it almost looks black."

The child watched the adult slowly and carefully re-bandage her arm with hollow silver eyes. The small child knew this old man sitting so close to her, she could remember him… his tune was old and knowledgeable, his sound calm and lined with sorrowful pity.

The small child tilted her head to the left, her silver eyes turning to the mirror to look at her Shadowy Gentleman. Little Ellen's silver eyes pleading, because she was just so confused. She was so lost. The memories, those waking dreams were flowing and the child knew that they were more then just dreams...

They felt so real...


He slowly pushed himself up and stood, stopping in his task of securing the huge circus tent. He found the nobleman odd, with the way that the man kept starring at him, but the more tickets that were sold ment the more money that he and Mana would be paid at the end of the week.

"If you go to the other side of this tent you'll find the ring master, he'll be able to get you tickets." He said in a polite tone, turning to go back to his work so he could join up with his brother, they needed to practice more for the show later this evening…

He shook his head when a confused melody ghosted to his ears. He closed his eyes and forced himself to focus, he couldn't let the noises and sounds from all around him overwhelm him. He would have another episode if he wasn't careful. He couldn't afford that, Mana and him needed this job…

They wouldn't get paid if everyone within a hundred feet of him keeled over dead. Mana and him had barely made it out of the last town. This would be the fourth circus that Mana and him had joined since he had started having the episodes

They had started just over half a year ago…

Every time that he had an episode it always ended the same, with the two brothers running…

The nobleman continued to stand before him. The man didn't move, his smile widening and his head tilted a little more. "Are you all right? You look like you don't feel well Neah Walker."


~Neah Walker.~

Stagnate.

The man in her waking dreams…

One name out of the many names that she had forgotten... The most important name of all…

But…

If Neah Walker was the man in her dreams name… then…

"Who am I?" Little Ellen asked softly, the white eyes of her Shadowy Gentleman continued to stare at her, the shadow once again silent. He hadn't spoken in the last two days.

"Who are you talking to child?" the old adult asked, his dark eyes not looking away when Ellen turned her confused silver eyes back to him. Her small pink lips twisting down in sorrow, her heart hurt so much...

"He's not speaking anymore... I think he's mad at me…" the small five year old whimpered softly, her silver eyes becoming a little blurry with tears. "Who am I?" little Ellen whispered out, her voice watery. Her name was Ellen, but she was also so sure that her name was also Neah… the name that she had forgotten… her head was so full of memories, they felt like they were hers, but then it wasn't her in the memories.

Ellen was so confused…

"Silly child. I am not angry with you." a musical and caring voice called out to her soothingly. The small child blinking back her tears as she turned her silver eyes to look at the man in the mirror. Her Shadowy Gentleman was smiling at her, though little Ellen could see that sorrow in those pure white eyes. "You are Ellen." He spoke quietly, his eyes closing for a long moment.

"You are Ellen, my little Ellen." His white mouth twisted into a small reassuring smile. "They are simple dreams and nothing else."

The small five year old felt the heaviness in her heart lighten, her small pink lips pulling into a smile also.

She was Ellen, her name was Ellen because that was the name that he had given her. The small little girl didn't know why she was remembering memories that were not her's

If they were not her memories… then who's were they? Who was Neah Walker?

"What do you see child?" the old man spoke evenly, his sound was knowing, always knowing. Little Ellen turned her silver eyes away from her now frowning Shadow and blinked at the older adult. Bak and Edgar were also watching her, a few long steps behind them was Ms. Renee.

Little Ellen offered them all a nice, though confused smile, then the small child was leaning in closer to the old man sitting before her. In a soft secretive tone little Ellen whispered, "My Shadowy Gentleman. He lives in the mirrors, but then you knew that already silly Bookman."

The old Bookman smiled just slightly at her, his dark eyes full of his patience.

"Is that so? Does this Shadowy Gentleman talk back to you?" the old man asked, his dark eyes sliding over to also look at the glass of the two way mirror on the far wall. The small five year old noting that everyone else was also looking at the glass now.

Little Ellen tilted her head to the side, her silver eyes confused at the Bookman's question.

"Of course he does. He is very smart, he knew that I would love the piano, he told me that I would like it more then the other instruments." The child said in a tone that clearly said that the little girl couldn't believe that the Bookman even had to ask.

The Bookman's eyes narrowed, his old mouth twisting into a frown. "The piano? Ah, I see. The Musician..." The Bookman looked a little lost in thought, when he spoke Ellen wasn't so sure that he was talking to her Nii-san or her. "I had once heard that the Noah could see Noah's Shadow within a mirror… I didn't think it was true…How interesting." the old man muttered, barely loud enough to hear.

Ellen titled her head more, her small pink lips pulling into a wider smile.

The Musician… Noah…

Little Ellen loved those words... They made this giddiness twist within her chest…

The sounds and the tunes within the room were confused for one very long moment. Then the adult's sounds twisted and Ellen didn't understand the fallowing panic that filled the room. Or why the two way mirror was quickly covered. The small white haired child titling her head, Ellen not understanding why adults were so silly

Just because they couldn't see it, didn't mean that it wasn't still there.

"The Musician. ~ I love music." Little Ellen giggled, them her face twisted into a sad look. Her silver eyes turning to look mournfully at her left hand. "But I can't play right now, my angel is very stubborn..." Hopeful silver eyes rose to look at the Bookman once again, the man still lost in thought. "When my arm heals, would I be able to play music again?"

Ellen really hoped so, because that was very, very important.

The old Bookman blinked and then smiled a little wider. "Of course child…" Little Ellen giggled happily, her glee at the news almost overwhelming.

The old Bookman leaned back in his chair, his dark black eyes watching Ellen in her happiness. Edgar took a step forward, his mouth pulling into a deep frown. "The Musician?" He asked.

Then the old adult turned his eyes to the scientist, that thoughtful look once again twisting his features. "The Musician, or also known as the Fourteenth Noah." The short adult said in an even tone. "The Noah that betrayed the others years ago…"

This seemed to make the sounds of the other adults ease, the old man was then standing and reaching into the bag that had been sitting on the floor next to his chair. "Her arm will be healed by the end of the month, judging by how fast it seems to be healing." The adult rummaged through his old worn bag, after a few moments he found what he was looking for.

The old Bookman stood and faced her, little Ellen once again confused when he held something out to her. "This is for you."

Little Ellen's silver eyes turned to look at the thing the Bookman was holding out to her. Ellen blinked and took the toy, the small little girl looking at the blue haired doll thoughtfully. Her silver eyes spotting the red ribbon tied around the stuffed doll's neck.

Stagnate.

A red ribbon, just like the ribbon her Shadowy Gentleman wore.

They were stagnate… just like what that soft sound kept whispering in her ears…

The Little girl giggled and hugged the doll to her chest tightly, her thin pink lips pulling into a oh so wide smile. She had never been given a gift before- besides the toy instruments that her Nii-san had given her some time ago. The small child was filled with delight, the doll was soft and squishy, and little Ellen loved her blue hair. The small plain looking doll reminded-

Reminded her of someone. A name ghosting at the back of her mind…


He frowned as a petite twelve year old stood before him, her gold eyes flashing with amusement and her grey lips pulled into a wide, an insanely wide, smile. "He told me, but I didn't believe him." She giggled out and Neah frowned deeper and closed the door to his and Mana's small wagon. His angry and confused grey eyes sliding around his room, looking for more uninvited guests…

"So is it safe to assume that your like that nobleman?" He asked coldly, not moving any further into the wagon. He wasn't sure if he believed the older man's words…

The nobleman had to have been crazy, his story had been to far fetched to believe. Or so that's what Neah would have liked to think, but it was hard to not believe something with what the nobleman had shown him. The twelve year old girl giggle more and nodded her head. "That's right, I am so glad to meet you Neah Walker! My name is Road, I am the Noah of Dreams. ~"


Little Ellen titled her head in confusion, her angel humming in delight now. The small child blinked again when the Bookman started to move away from her, the child frowning as that melody whispered again to her…

They both were stagnate, but not for much longer…

Her Nii-san had always told her to thank people, to be polite when you were given things. The five year old child pushed herself from her seat, her silver eyes narrowing as she run up to the Bookman. The old man turned to look at her in confusion, Ellen only smiled wider.

"Go south." The white haired child giggled. "You will find something very important just to the south of here." She told the Bookman, because she could hear another tune off in the distance, in that direction…

Her angle was helping her focus on it…

…as a thank you for the Bookman giving her the doll…

The old Bookman's dark eyes narrowed at her, the child simply offering the adult a wider smile. Then the man was nodding to her and was gone.

Soon after the Bookman left, her Nii-san was taking Ellen back to her room. The small child followed behind the blond adult, her new toy held tightly to her chest by her right arm, her left hanging at her side useless. "Road, Nii-san can I call her Road?"

Bak smiled back at her and nodded his head. Little Ellen was so happy and delighted, the small five year old girl held her doll even tighter, a happy giggle filling the hall.

Ellen was so happy~!

Though by the time that they had made it back to her room, Ellen noticed that anything remotely reflective had been removed. The small child was upset, because that ment she couldn't see her Shadowy Gentleman anymore. When Ellen asked she had been told that it was for her own good.

Why were adult's so confusing and silly?

Later that night Ellen awoke to someone poking her left chest, the small child's silver eyes fluttering open. Little Ellen's sleepy and confused eyes meeting a pair of curious gold. The small child sat up in her bed and blinked, sitting on the floor next to her bed was…

...Was that girl that was in her waking dream... but her Shadowy Gentleman had said...

The older girl's gold eyes were watching her, then she was smiling very, very wide. Ellen's head tilted to the right in more confusion when the five year old realized something...

This girl sitting next to her bed was silent. Ellen couldn't hear her tune or her sound, there was just nothing there. The blue haired twelve year old giggled and smiled even wider, her voice when she spoke filled with glee."Hi," The other girl said. "I'm Road. Tyki said your name was Ellen.~"


Sorry for the late chapter... Life has been hell lately...

Anyway I hope you enjoyed it... please review?

And Yeah! We're getting closer and closer to Ellen seeing Tyki again! : )

Just have to keep reminding myself not to rush... one or two more chapters to get through...