Title: Half Alive
Summary: AU and slightly twisted version of the vampire Diaries. Diabolical 143 hear old vampire Damon Salvatore meets the very human Elena Gilbert in 2007 when she's only 15. He leaves the town and her behind confused over his reaction to her and still reeling from a heartbreak over Elena's look alike Katherine Peirce the vampire that drove he and his brother Stefan apart 143 years ago. Fast forward two years later and Damon returns to find Elena dating said brother. But things aren't as they seem. Will Damon realize how badly Elena needs him or will his pride and ego stand in the way until it's too late? AU OOC for Stefan
AN: I got this idea during Rose when Damon wondered what would have happened had Stefan never adopted the animal diet. My curiosity peaked and I came up with this story idea. I twisted around the original TVD plot as you'll see getting into it as well as Damon and Stefan's back story a little bit. This is very dark for me. But I wanted to try something different and stretch myself a little bit. I also needed a project to work on on off days when I'm not working on my other story which is much lighter and funnier. I hope you like it. I am still hard at work on RFD of course so the updates may be a bit slower during the first stage if this story. But I really wanted to get it posted and get your thoughts as I continue on. (Sorry for the long boring AN!)
Rated M: ,blood drinking, abuse, sexual situations, violence, language and rape.
May, 20 2007
I had no idea where I was driving I just needed to get away. I had to leave her behind as far behind as possible. A fire inside of me had been reignited only a few short months ago when the love of my life turned out to be alive and well in Chicago of all places explaining she always hides in plain sight surrounded by people.
Two months of intensity and rediscovery of making love all day and stalking the streets every night. We were creatures of the night at its finest. We rarely slept. We fed and we made love and the world ceased to exist. But I still felt empty? Why did I still feel empty? I had searched for her from the day I died. The day I thought she died. The day my brother died. The world I had known had shattered when my brother and I rose again like she has. Vampires, demons, blood suckers.
It was supposed to be my gift. My eternity with her. Mine and mine alone. The games were supposed to end with my life. They didn't. Stefan my brother had been brought along but I never got my answers I watched her burn. Or so I thought. I decided to die along with her. But my brother forced my hand he made me turn. I was livid and angry. I took off and I walked for hours and then I felt her. I knew she was alive somewhere. I never told him. I had no intention on sharing her ever again. I spent 10 years or so with my brother. I watched him turn into the monster he swore he would never be. I couldn't fight his battle because I was too busy fighting my own. I knew to find her I had to be strong and smart. I had to be cruel and callous. I had to be like her. I couldn't waste my time with things like getting Stefan back on track so I left him.
I fed from more humans, witches and vampires then I can count nor try to. I traveled from place to place never aimlessly always with her large brown slightly viscous eyes and cunning smile in my mind. With her long curly chestnut hair captivating my every thought.
Then finally I found her and it was magic until the fire died out. Until I started asking why and she started asking about Stefan….
"Why did you leave me Katherine?" I begged her to tell me I didn't care that tears were shining in my eyes. I didn't care that she was looking into my soul and was cruel enough to spit it in if she wanted to. Which is exactly what she did.
"Why did you turn Stefan too?" Why?"
"Where is Stefan?" Katherine asked. "You took care of your little brother for me right Damon?" Her voice was cruel and cold and I felt myself shiver.
"I left him to find you." I whispered.
"Damon I never loved you." She spat out angrily. "It was always Stefan. It will always be Stefan. I counted on you to watch out for him for me!"
I accelerated the car faster still unsure where I was going or what I was doing. The heartache had been placed by rage only a few short miles ago. The town I landed in was in for a rude awakening. Nothing is more dangerous than a pissed off vampire. A part of me wanted to drive back to her and ram a stake through her viscous heart. But I knew as strong as I had become I didn't bypass her. She destroyed everything good in me. I was willing to throw everything away for her, my family, my brother, my future, my life and I did only it was all a lie. I was only meant to deliver my little brother to her. That was my purpose in her ridiculous plan. She tore us part for what? Her own sick games. I spat out a hiss now as her image crossed my mind.
I realized how fast I was going when I almost slid into a road sign. I controlled the car quickly and easily and read the welcome to Mystic Falls sign twice blinking hard. Of all the places in the world what possibly could have driven me to the place it all began. The place I died. The place I lived…
The last thought popped into my head without warning and I tried to shut it off and shut it out. I was a vampire there was no such things as home. But despite this I continued down the road. I expected myself to drive to the boarding house but instead my instincts brought me into town and I drove down the streets. Taking in how different everything looked since the last time I had been here. 1864 the year I died. I never returned. I talked to several owners of the boarding house over the phone throughout the years. But I never came back here. So why now?
I saw a ball go flying into the street and a girl laughed. The sound perked up my ears. Then I felt her. I couldn't see her but I felt her presence it called to me. I wasn't sure if it was her aura or the fire I sensed in her sweet pure soul that forced me to inch ahead just a bit more.
A young boy ran into the street to retrieve the ball and she ran up to catch it. Her straight chestnut hair tucked under a hat was shadowing her face. She was slender and small she looked to be about 15. I watched her curiously unsure what was compelling me to do this. I really wasn't much of a lurker unless I was hunting even then I usually strike quickly. But I felt no lust for her blood no reason to attack but yet no reason to leave her either. I didn't want to leave her she felt...she felt like warmth, and life, like home.
I shook my head at the ridiculous thought that ridiculous word again but continued to watch her playing catch with the boy I assumed was her brother. She was laughing and running and having fun. I almost felt the corners of my mouth turn upwards.
"What is wrong with you Salvatore?" I groaned. Since when do I moon over teenage girls? The wind picked up and the hat she was wearing flew off her head. My mouth gaped open as I stared directly at the younger human version of the face of Katherine. The woman who destroyed me. But yet this wasn't her. I felt her before I saw her and she was nothing like the cruel vampire I had left only days ago.
"How is this possible?" I whispered. I heard the thunder rolling ahead and the girl looked up at the sky the ball missed her and landed up on the roof, she frowned looking up at it.
I could hear the boy moaning about how this was his last baseball.
She shrugged and started climbing the side of the house attempting to get up and grab the ball. I cringed and found myself out of the car and in the wooded area in the side of her yard. I jumped up on the roof and crouched down so they wouldn't see me. I pushed the ball down and heard the boy cheer as it rolled off the roof. She jumped off the side of the scaffolding and rejoined him. I jumped down and got back in the car be-lining it for the boarding house.
"Damon Salvatore? Is it really you?" My nephew the current resident Zach croaked looking nervous as I pushed my way in.
"In the flesh." I muttered, "Please tell me you have liquor."
He mumbled a yes and showed me to the bar. I guzzled down a half a bottle of whiskey trying to get a grasp on what the hell just happened. What made me do that? I don't save kids. I'm no superman. But yet the idea of her falling off that roof made my decision for me.
I could hear Zack behind me his heart beat slightly increased.
"Put the stake down Zackie." I drawled. "You're not going to kill your Uncle Damon."
"What are you doing here?" He stuttered dropping the stake.
I turned around and smirked. "Try something like that again and I'll snap your neck."
"I'm sorry." He mumbled. "But the agreement was I live here. I don't let anyone in and you and your brother would stay away."
"Well agreements change Zach." I said lounging across the sofa. "Now, tell me everything you know about the Katherine look alike."
"Her name is Elena." He said. "Elena Gilbert. She's a good girl Damon leave her alone. She's only 15."
I nodded that was exactly what I had pegged her at. "Elena." I turned the name over in my mind. Something about it…Her…what was it about this girl. I groaned and stood up grabbing another bottle of whiskey. Something told me I wasn't going to be able to drink her away no matter how hard I tried.
I was right. I continued to follow her and observe with her friends at school at night when she would write on her diary. I always left when she was to change or shower. She was just a girl. Vampire nor not I wasn't a pervert. I could bed any woman I desired and felt no need to spy on a 15 year old getting undressed. Yet even without wanting her sexually still I felt a connection to her I didn't understand. I knew in a few years my feelings for her could and would grow lustful quite easily. But would it be wrong? I didn't want to corrupt her. I didn't even want to possess her. I wanted to protect her. It was a feeling I hadn't had in a long time. It was human this girl made me feel human and it scared the hell out of me. She was sweet and kind and gracious. She wasn't just everything Katherine wasn't she was everything I wasn't.
I realized that fully one stormy afternoon when she hurried off the bus and started running a home. A young girl crying caught her attention. Elena huddled over the girl rain soaking her to the bone.
"I lost my puppy." The girl cried. "He ran that way."
Elena's gaze followed her arm concern written on her face.
"What's your puppy's name?" Elena asked. Her sweet voice had become music to my ears and it sickened me but still I couldn't turn away from her.
"Pluto." The girl sniffled.
"Okay honey. Don't worry. I'll help you find him. Just wait inside your house okay?" Elena said assuring the girl inside before running back out to the woods calling the dog's name. The thunder roared and Elena jumped but kept searching.
"My god she's completely selfless." I whispered once again awed by this girl that had captivated my entire soul in just a few short days.
"Pluto?" Elena called searching restlessly.
I scanned the woods carefully until I finally heard the dog whimpering. Unable to allow Elena to catch her death out here in the rain I made a quick decision and picked up the puppy. I dropped it off a few feet ahead of her and ran away in a blur.
She seemed to sense something and gasped her eyes scanned the horizon unfocused but sensing something. Was it my presence? Could she feel me too?
She saw the puppy and smiled picking it up and started cuddling it. "How did you get here?"
She looked out again and narrowed her eyes. The thunder roared loudly again and she jumped before running back to the girls house with the dog. I saw something silver fall from her arm as she ran. I waited until she was inside and picked up a small silver chain with an E charm on it.
I traced the E with my fingers and shoved the bracelet in my pocket getting in my car soaked to the bone myself.
"She's 15." I said out loud taking out the bracelet and tracing the E again slowly over and over her face held still in my mind. "And I'm a monster."
I drove out of Mystic Falls as quickly as I had driven into it. I ended up in Georgia at Bree's bar. Bree was a good friend of mine that I dated for a few years a while back. Her biggest perk other than being a great lay is that she's a witch. I was hoping she could shed some light on this strange pull I had for this girl.
"Damon." She greeted me with a smile. I grabbed her head and kissed her roughly. Needing to rid myself of some of the frustration built up in me. Even though I hadn't had any lustful thoughts about Elena her constant presence on the forefront of my mind was unnerving me.
"Your kiss lacks passion." Bree commented. "What's wrong with my Damon?"
"I found Katherine to start." I said dryly.
"It didn't go well." Bree guessed not looking at all surprised.
"We crashed and we burned." I confirmed. "It was always Stefan. But you knew that already right?"
"I tried to warn you." She sighed.
"So I left and drove and ended up in Mystic Falls." I continued.
"You were drawn there?" Bree guessed touching my hand. "By a girl."
"Knock it off." I grumbled pulling my hand back.
"Damon your eyes are dark when have you last fed?" Bree asked.
"Chicago before I left Katherine." I said surprised myself that it had been that long.
"The girl is human then." Bree smirked.
"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked growing irritated.
"You lack of desire to feed Damon ," Bree said wisely, "Would indicate this girl has touched something in you."
"Impossible I didn't even meet her." I grumbled.
"She's 15 and a look alike of Katherine." I added when Bree simply raised her eyebrows.
"So you just observed her then? Knowing she was too young?" Bree asked.
"Knowing I don't need to go down that road ever again." I countered. "One Katherine is more than enough for eternity."
"But this girl is not Katherine." Bree said crossing her arms. "She awakened something in you I knew was there but buried."
"How? How could she have done that?" I asked attempting to sound cynical but my voice came out sounding desperate and I shuddered at how weak I was becoming.
"I think you need to figure that out on your own Damon." Bree said.
"I need to leave her alone. She's just a kid." I muttered though every part of my body longed to race back into my car and her backward.
"Your right she is and you do." Bree nodded. "For now. Come back when she's older maybe things will seem simpler then. Take time get over Katherine find yourself again. Redeem yourself Damon so that when you come back and she is grown up you deserve her."
"Thanks for the talk Bree." I said dryly. "It's been enlightening."
I rolled my eyes and got in my car laughing at the absurd idea of changing of becoming someone worth what worth her love? How would I know she'd even want me? Well of course she'd want me. Hell I could make her want me. But I wouldn't need to. I am very charming and good looking. Getting Elena wouldn't be difficult. But Bree was right I didn't deserve her. She was selfless, loving, kind, an angel. She was an angel. I could never deserve her. Could I? I pulled over and ran my hands through my dark hair attempting to calm my racing thoughts down.
I heard a car coming and jumped into the street allowing it to hit me. I could smell the woman's blood pumping as she leaned over to check on me. My teeth sliced through her throat without warning and I drank furiously attempting to burn the image of Elena and what she represented but I couldn't. The woman whimpered and I dropped her. I felt a pulse and decided to leave her compelling her to forget.
I got in my car and drove. Realizing Katherine represented dark and Elena light. I would never go back to the dark that much I knew. I had planned on taking my vengeance on Katherine out on unsuspecting towns for a few years then settling in to a happy medium not a complete savage but a vampire none the less. The existence I had hoped to have with Katherine. But then Elena came along and suddenly I want the light.
"I should be staked down right now for being so weak and pathetic over a human a simple little girl." I groaned. Somehow this Elena had crept in to my soul and turned the switch back on. I wasn't sure if I could even fight the results of that door being opened.
I pulled out the bracelet out again and sighed.
"I'll come back for you someday." I promised.
August 21, 2009
I remembered the last time I felt safe today. I mean really safe. It was about 2 years ago the day of the huge storm. A little girl had lost her dog and I went to look for it. That entire week I had felt like someone was watching me. But I didn't get an eerie or creepy feeling from it. Instead it felt safe and warm and…I don't know but like home…anyway I was scared in the woods it was raining hard and I could hardly see when I felt the presence. Suddenly the dog was right in front of me. I dropped my bracelet in purpose and went back the next day sure enough it was gone. Someone was there. I searched and searched for him. But I never felt him again.
I never feel safe anymore. But I've grown numb to it by now; I play my role perfectly and worry every day that I will lose myself completely someday. Of course that would only make him happy so I refuse. I refuse to become what he wants me to be. What he believes I am. No matter how much he hurts me. No matter how many times he locks me up with no food or water. I will never relent. I will never let go of Elena. I won't become her even if I have to become a shadow of myself it avoid it. If I have to stay half alive to prevent it then so be it I'll stay numb. I won't ever be Katherine….
Tonight when he left I wandered around the house and found a room. It was large and dark and I felt it again all over again. The same feeling I had in the woods at least I think it is. It wasn't as intense as it had been then. Maybe the man had come here to the boarding house when he was here two years ago. Maybe he would come back. That's I told myself as I lay down in his bed and began daydreaming about him coming to rescue me.
It's a stupid and silly fantasy because I know no one's ever going to save me and I couldn't let them anyway. Luckily I was smart enough to leave the room before he got home. He would have been beyond angry. But my curiosity has been peaked now. I need to know who occupied that room and if he was the same man that helped me in the woods that night.