Okay! Since you guys are amazing, here it is. PLEASE don't read this if you haven't read You Were Mine All Along. It'll spoil it for you, and it won't make much sense. Read this AFTER Chapter 31. You don't have to read this for the rest of the story to make sense. I just REALLY wanted to do this POV.
"As I love you, my sweet." I whispered. The slow beat of her heart was a sure sign that she did not hear my response and I smiled.
Nights such as these had become the pinnacle of my existence. My time with Bella was precious and fragile, despite the knowledge that we had forever.
I loved and loathed when she slept. I loved it because it was a glimpse into her psyche, and loathed it because I could not talk to her or be an active part of her consciousness.
There was no question I was an active part of her subconscious, however.
"Carlisle." She whispered desperately in her sleep. I smiled and held her marginally tighter. She sighed in contentment and quieted.
If I still had a beating heart it would have burst by now. Every time she said my name like that, asleep or awake, it jolted me with satisfaction. Before Bella, I had no idea it could be like this.
Now I had no idea how I had gone on for so long without it. In my most lonesome hours I was consumed with the desire to be with another. Between learning everything I could in the field of Medicine and practicing my control there was but not one moment where I could realize my own despair.
Once I had concluded my research and perfected my control, I noticed the void in my existence.
I had flirted with women that held my interest. It never failed to surprise me when they happened to be women of stature. I loved when a woman was educated and had strong beliefs. I tended to seek them out, if I were to be frank. It never felt right, or filled the gaping hole this life seemed to cause.
I sometimes wished that I had Alice's omniscience. In my darkest days with Esme, I had wondered if having her gift would benefit me. Would I see that Esme was meant for me? Or would I have known immediately that she was not?
More baffling though, would I have seen Bella before this?
These were pointless musings, as I had eventually found her.
She gripped my hips tighter and sighed. Perhaps she was dreaming the same things I was thinking. That thought soothed me, somehow.
I inhaled deeply and held her scent in my lungs. Freesia and roses clung to her skin consistently. When I had first met her, a fleeting thought was that there was no plausible way she smelled like this naturally. Of course, I know now that she does, and it thrills me as well as concerns me.
Humans all tend to smell differently. Mostly, I can tune out their scent completely. Until Bella, I had never noticed someone so thoroughly. Perhaps I should have known then, but I can not make up for that lost time.
I heard the gentle creak of the branches outside her window and sighed. Come in, Edward. I thought.
The window slid open quietly, and my son landed in the room without making any noise. He slid the window shut and turned to me with a accusing glare. "Marking your territory?" He whispered quietly enough that a human would not hear.
It was not meant to happen, Edward. I conceded. His glare matched the wild disarray of his hair and he grimaced at my thoughts. "Do not think of me in such a paternal gesture. You're no father of mine." He spat.
Pain etched inside my long dead heart. Thoughts of Edward's time with me flickered through my mind quickly. From our very first hunt together when he awoke in this life, to the moment he returned after his rebellious period. My love for him being the general theme of all the memories.
His pain etched across his face at my thoughts and he sat fluidly in the chair across the room. "Don't." He responded to my thoughts.
We sat quietly for a few moments and Edward drew in purposeful deep breaths. He had only been in the room for a few moments and I already noticed a darkening of his iris'.
Do not make this hard for yourself, Edward. I pleaded. He inhaled again and glared at me. "This was always difficult. Especially the nights where I would lay where you are right now."
Jealousy was an unreasonable thing and I could not control the errant thoughts of distaste that passed my mind. He smiled sardonically. "Now you're aware of how I feel presently." He reminded.
"Bunnies crap daisies." Bella blurted as clearly as she would if she were awake. I shook with contained laughter and Edward scowled.
"What on Earth did you talk about before she slept?" He asked.
I smiled wider and thought of the conversation and Edward cracked a smile as well. "She gets like that when she's tired." He conceded.
I nodded. She did, and I loved it. It was surely ransom if she ever knew the things she said during the night.
Edward huffed with amusement. "She'd kill you if you ever told anyone the things she's said."
If she could, she very well would. My thoughts drifted to Edward and how I had missed him. To the night we were decorating the Christmas tree and Bella found his ornament.
He seemed taken by my memory of Bella smoothing her fingers over the tiny ornament, and even more taken by my hanging it beside my own.
He flinched when he realized I was watching his reaction intently. "Your thoughts when I entered the room were of her scent. Does she appeal to you in that way?" He asked with nothing but curiosity in his voice.
My mind raced with thoughts and his face grew angry with each one. The first time I smelled her scent in the emergency room, to the first time I smelled her when she was aroused, to the first time I tasted her…
I stopped all thoughts after that stray one and thought of the bible and woods and birds.
His face pinched in anger and he gritted his teeth. "When have you… tasted her?" He asked bitterly.
It is incredibly difficult not to think of the answer to a question when asked it. Sure, you don't have to respond verbally, but you always think of the answer when presented with a question. This time was no different.
He growled and stood up. "You could have killed her!" He raged quietly.
Anger lit within me at his accusation. I'd never hurt her, ever. I promised as sincerely as I could without actual words. His anger dissipated minutely and he sat down rigidly.
"I can see it, you know." He said suddenly and randomly.
What's that? I asked, mild worry seizing my thoughts.
He grimaced and looked out the window. "You were thinking of the hole in your existence before you met her. I used to ask you about whether you were happy or not, but I knew you weren't despite the show you put on for us." He explained. "It's not there anymore. I look for it, so I can tell you how wrong you are about my Bella being your soul mate. I've been searching for it since I got back, and it's not there anymore. She really is meant for you. It makes this so difficult for me, as well as so easy at the same time." He drew in a breath and sighed with the effort. "That doesn't make much sense, I know." He conceded.
It made perfect sense, and I did my best to show him that. I showed him that it was the same for me, because I wanted to see him happy. However what would make him happy would seal my miserable fate, and I could not have that either.
He grimaced and his eyes slid back to me, before landing on Bella's sleeping face. "I've no desire to take her from you. Despite my behavior I do love you still, Carlisle."
Joy radiated from me in such abundance that he cracked a small smile. "Don't be too happy, I still can't stand the sight of you." He said, though he was smiling. "I love her, as well. I'll never make her feel guilty for this. As it was mostly my fault for leaving in the first place. Perhaps though, this was meant to happen." He reasoned.
I nodded and we sat in quiet for a few more moments. "Do you believe there is someone out there for me?" He asked with worry plain in his voice.
My heart broke while my mind raced with concern for him. There had to be someone for him, I had to believe that. No one was more deserving than my Edward.
He grimaced. "I didn't ask for your pity." He spat before looking back towards to woods. "Despite all I've done you still think I'm deserving, Carlisle?" He asked quietly.
"I wish to see you happy, more than anything in this world. I know there's someone out there that can give that to you. I can not wait to see it, Edward." I answered out loud.
He smiled and continued looking out the window. "Neither can I." He answered longingly.
We sat in companionable silence for a few moments while my mind would think of the random things he'd missed while he was gone. Rosalie and Bella getting along was one thing that made him smile wider than anything else.
"Edward." Bella whispered sadly. "Edward." She said again, almost distraughtly. "M'sorry."
His jaw clenched and his eyes darted to her. "She still dreams of me?" He asked with wonder.
I nodded. "She does love you, Edward. Even if it's not how you'd like."
His face pinched with stress and he stood up abruptly. "This is too much, too soon. I must be going." He said quickly, distress evident in his posture.
I nodded. Will you be alright? I'm sorry, Edward. My son.
He gave a curt nod of his head before throwing the window open and jumping out. The window hit the pane just as his feet hit the ground.
I listened as his trail got quieter, before I heard a loud crunch, like a tree falling down. This was followed by my son's agonizing scream.
My gut clenched and I held Bella tighter, before getting out of bed gently.
I hopped from the window quietly, making sure to shut it behind me before running through the woods toward Edward.
After a moment of running, I found him in a clearing. There was a fallen tree, and my son sat with his back against it. His sobs wracked his lithe frame, and I walked cautiously forward.
His eyes flashed with rage, and he hopped back to his feet. "What if she dreams of me because she's still in love with me?" He yelled.
I shrugged. "I suppose in a way, she still is. Edward, she's doing exactly what she wants. I assure you she's not being pressured one way or another." I pleaded.
His darkened eyes glittered with possibilities. "I put on this brave face, and I promised her tonight that I would not leave her again. At what cost do I stay? I hate this, Carlisle. I hate it." He yelled pitifully. He growled and shoved me, hard. "Stop fucking pitying me, damn it!" He yelled louder.
I wrapped my arms around him tightly and thought of my love for him, what he meant to me. He struggled a bit, but it was not serious. "I want you here, Edward. I will do whatever it takes for you to feel better about this. She does want you here, just as I do." I promised.
He inhaled against my shirt and made a gagging noise. "You smell like her. Exactly like her, only richer and sweeter than anything I've experienced with her. You were intimate with her tonight. For what reason? To fucking torture me more? So you could come home smelling like her and claiming her from me?" He slammed his fist into my shoulder and I staggered backwards and away from him.
My mind raced with hurt at his tone and aggression, but I tried not to show it. Before I calmed myself enough to speak, he had realized his own mistake. "I… I apologize, Carlisle." He whispered. His shoulders slumped and he tipped his face towards the sky.
"You've no idea how much I wish this could be different." I promised.
He smiled crookedly. "No, I know exactly how much you wish that. I want to be in her life, Carlisle. However, I don't want you marking her every time I see her. It's hard enough. Is that reasonable to ask of you?" He asked with a gentle tilt of his head.
I nodded. "It's perfectly reasonable, yes." I conceded.
"Good." He said, while jumping to a low hanging branch in a nearby tree. My Edward was more feline than vampire, it seemed.
He chuckled and his dark eyes danced. "You are what you eat, dear Carlisle." He turned his head toward a stray heartbeat off in the distance and sighed. "I must hunt. You go back to her. You promised you'd be there when she awoke." He reminded gently.
I nodded. "Good hunting, Edward. I'll see you in the morning?" I asked.
He nodded and grunted. "At our house, not Bella's."
I smiled. "Of course."
He gave another curt nod, before running quickly towards the sound of the tiny heartbeat. I sighed and stood in the clearing for a few moments, before turning and heading back to my own beating heart.
REVIEWS ARE LOVE. Please no comments about how this doesn't makes sense cause you haven't read the story. It'll make me cry.