Thanks so much for all your love and support!
The little girl playing Nala in Broadway's The Lion King production just died. She stayed at the same hospital I did when I was younger. When I think about her, I realize how lucky I am, how lucky we all are, despite how much life likes to kick us around.
NEwayz, this is dedicated to lems and Idle Writer of Crack, who are just awesome, genial, selfless people.
As pointless as fanfiction may seem, I feel it's therapeutic, at times – to take a break, write a drabble, and get a stranger's feedback, because it wouldn't work any other way.
by Bullwinkle's Lady
When Sasuke regained consciousness, his head was pounding. What had happened? Was he on a mission? Had someone knocked him out?
His surroundings were dark and shadowy, and he slowly came to realize that it was night time and he was in the woods. He began to make out a large hulking figure a few yards away from him. The creature was holding an oil lantern. Wait...was that Kakashi?
Sasuke sat bolt upright and patted himself down, making sure all his clothes were in tact. He was astonished to realize he was in his "pajamas," which simply consisted of boxers and a wifebeater. He looked wildly around.
Why the hell was he alone in the woods with Kakashi! ?
But the sounds of people groaning alerted him of the presence of others. Sprawled on the ground around him were Neji, Shino, and Chouji, each in similar states of undress. Lee was hanging upside down from a tree in green footsie pajamas, and Shikamaru lay face-down on the ground completely naked.
Sasuke looked up at the figures hovering over them. Kakashi, Kurenai, Asuma, and Gai. What the hell was going on? He began to stand, as did the others, excluding Lee.
"Yes, we kidnapped you," said Kurenai, answering the question on all of their faces. "You see, the four of us, as your sensei, are relatively (extremely) concerned that-"
"You're eighteen, and you still haven't gotten girlfriends!" Gai cried dramatically.
"Not that we're opposed to you getting boyfriends, or whatever," Asuma added. "Whatever floats your boat."
The boys stared at them with red-rimmed eyes as Lee's body swung with the summer breeze. A twitch developed beneath Sasuke's eye, and Neji was frothing at the mouth. They had been abducted from their beds in the middle of the night, and just to talk about girls! ? Were the jounin out of their minds! ?
"Why did you hang Lee from a tree?" Shikamaru asked mildly, scratching his ass.
"Lee wasn't brought here. This is where he sleeps!" said Gai.
"The fact of the matter is that you're all socially – stunted – for your ages," said Kakashi, digressing from the anomaly that was Rock Lee. "So we're hosting a dance at the academy in three nights from now. Your tasks are to get dates, and you should treat this like a mission. If you fail, a date will be appointed to you."
Everyone looked uncomfortable at this.
"-and you will be assigned academy duty for the next several months."
The looks of discomfort became looks of alarm. No one wanted to be anywhere near those dirty, stinking children!
"Here are some sex pamphlets," said Asuma, distributing booklets to the blank-faced boys.
"And a list of the available girls," said Kurenai, passing out some additional papers.
Sasuke numbly took the hand-outs, before a sudden realization struck him. "Wait – why isn't Naruto here?"
Kakashi's visible eye crinkled. "Naruto already has a girlfriend."
Sasuke's jaw hung slack.
"Oh yes, he's quite the ladies man," said Kakashi. "Well, I'll see you boys at the dance. The dress code is casual-formal."
What the hell did that mean! ?
The four jounin disappeared in poofs of smoke, and the boys were left alone in the forest glancing awkwardly at each other's sleepwear – and lack thereof. Releasing acknowledging grunts, the boys shuffled off in different directions – minus Rock Lee, who was sound asleep.
When Sasuke got back to his apartment that morning at 3AM he pulled the crumpled paper out of his boxers and scanned the names with his eyes.
Sauske's eye twitched again. That was it? These were his options? Several didn't even live in Konoha, one was at least twenty years his senior, some weren't even legal, and one wasn't female, unless he had missed something.
And they wondered why he was single! ?
Sasuke reluctantly went over the list again, eliminating the people who were too far from his age. Next he eliminated the foreigners, then the gingers. Unfortunately, Sakura didn't make either of these cuts.
He examined what was left.
Which further explained why he didn't have a girlfriend. Lack of females. Pathetic options.
Sasuke dropped to his bed and deliberated the obvious choice.
They had known each other all their lives, during which she had made her feelings painfully clear. They had not flickered or faded, and it exhausted him in ways it didn't her, green eyes always keen as ever.
To please him.
He wrinkled his nose.
Infatuated by his blandness. Intoxicated despite his bafflement.
To hell with duality! She was his humble servant, and would do anything he wanted. Such a partnership reminded him uncomfortably of some freakish vampire movie Kakashi had taken to.
He belonged with Sakura in the end. Who was he to refuse her after all the years she'd wasted, and dedicated to wooing him? He had no say in the matter. He was hers. The inevitability of their get-together was as stark as Kiba's coldsore.
And yet, sometimes he wished he had...options.
Sasuke eyes flickered to the final name on the list. He furrowed his eyebrows.
It wasn't much of an improvement. He didn't even know Hinata. She was just the inconspicuous Hyuuga heir. She had no particularities that he could think of. Choosing her would be a downgrade, even from Sakura.
And yet, that concept of having options was nice...even if it was fallaciously so.
Sasuke lowered his eyes.
Maybe he'd give Hinata a visit.