The Sunglasses on the Reporter

Note: I don't hate Hannah. I just find great joy in tweaking the insanity.

For those of you who were dismayed by the sunglass scene at the end of "The Bones that Weren't", I have a solution. Please fast forward past "The Doctor in the Photo." There are hints within, but no actual spoilers, so the pure of heart should remain virginal.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bones. But If I did, bad puns might rule the day, "The Mastodon in the Room" notwithstanding.

He's known for some time that things aren't right. His heart should feel full with plenty of love fueling it, but things have been off for some time. His heart is full, but he suspects it's indigestion of a sort, fueled by a growing uneasiness around his girlfriend. Hannah, who had only seemed obsessed with him when she came to him from Afghanistan, now seems obsessed with all things Temperance these days.

He has to admit, if he's being decidedly honest with himself, he, too, is quite obsessed with his partner. It might have been since her confession some weeks back; it might be when he realized that "moving on" doesn't happen if one is firmly rooted to one spot.

So he is planning on ending the charade soon. He knows that Hannah isn't happy and he knows that he isn't entirely happy with Hannah. He knows that he tried to make it work. He knows that as a child of alcoholism, he tried hard to make the unworkable work. But he also knows it is over.

He'll tell her tonight, after the celebration at the Founding Fathers. Deep in the recesses of his mind he knows that he needs liquid courage to do the right thing. Brennan, his dear partner, has been extremely brave watching from the sidelines as he's tried to pour everything into his relationship with Hannah. He knows the heart of Brennan. She's bared it to him, presented it as a naked offering several times over the last month and he has realized just how hard his life with Hannah has been on her.

So, he will end it. Tonight. But even with the steady flow of beer he doesn't feel so brave.

Leave it to Sweets to make the first move, to fire the first salvo in this war with his emotions.

The young psychologist has warned him that Hannah's obsessive fascination with Brennan is unhealthy, but Booth ignored the warning.

"Even Dr. Brennan would see that Hannah's complete and utter fascination with her is a manifestation of a. . . ."

"Sweets," he had practically growled at the man. "Let it go."

"It shows itself in the form of a fetish. A kind of. . . ."

Now he wishes he had stayed to hear the young man's explanation rather than slam the psychologist's door on the insight because here, in the Founding Fathers, Sweets and Hannah are locked in a kind of High Noon duel. It starts innocently enough, but it has escalated quickly. When Sweets confronts her about the fetish, she whips off the pair of sunglasses she was wearing atop her head and brandishes them as a weapon.


Her screech is heard around the Founding Fathers where the squinteam has gathered to celebrate another case closed.

Booth, who has his hands full of drinks for his team turns at the noise and sees a sight that will keep him awake for several nights. Hannah is squared off against his baby duck, sending the psychologist clumsily back into a group of patrons who scatter as he tries to evade her sunglass thrusts.

It is Brennan who reaches her first. She puts herself in-between Sweets and the journalist and puts out her hands palms up.

"Anthropology tells us. . . ," the scientist begins in a calm voice. For several moments it seems that Brennan's soliloquy might just end the situation, but that hope is broken when Sweets, still backing away from Hannah, sends a table crashing to the ground with Hannah's bag. A spray of eyewear hits the floor and shatters the calm.

"My sunglasses," cries Cam. "I thought Michelle had them."

"My Pierre Cardins," says Caroline. "I paid a king's ransom for those shades."

"My Squint Specs," announces Hodgins as he bends to retrieve them.

"My Donald Duck glasses," says Sweets. His move to reclaim them is thwarted by a fearsome Hannah.

Too late. With a single lunge, Hannah tries to impale Brennan on her own sunglasses, but the scientist sidesteps her and catches her wrist and slams it into the nearest table. Hannah falls to her knees in abject pain, releasing the sunglasses which Brennan sweeps from the floor and returns to the top of her head.

It is all over in a matter of seconds. Booth sees the truth of the situation as Hannah remains on the floor of the bar, drooling as each of his friends retrieves their glasses from the array of glasses scattered there. He watches numbly as she sits sprawled on the floor until the bartender picks her up roughly and escorts her from the establishment.

For a single second she pauses at the doorway, catches his eye and tosses her blonde locks before trying for some dignity as she is carted away.

No longer torn, Booth finally slides into a seat next to Brennan who has returned to the bar. For several moments he allows the beer he is drinking to lubricate his throat as he tries to think of something to say. Brennan has rescued Sweets, neutralized his ex-girlfriend, and ended his affair in a matter of minutes. He eyes her, still unable to put into words all that has happened between them in the last several months.

But it is Brennan who caps off the evening. Just as her actions were the perfect ending to the whole affair, so are her words.

"She really made a spectacle of herself, didn't she, Booth?"

Come on, you were thinking the same thing, weren't you?