No Turning Back
This is my first fic so please be kind! I would appreciate a review if you like what you read.
All updates appear initially on my blog (http:/borntobeacullen(dot)blogspot(dot)com)- check it out for some, um, 'inspiring' pics of the divine Emmett and Mr Lutz! Let's just say that a fair chunk of this story was inspired by my simply staring at his beautiful lips!
Canon, lemons aplenty.
DISCLAIMER: All characters created and owned by Stephenie Meyer. I simply play with them for my own amusement.
It feels like I've known them forever.
The Cullens are an enigma in this town; only those they trust are invited into the family's inner sanctum. I guess they are a little different from your regular folk being dead and all. Well, 'dead' is a pejorative term when applied to the Cullens – the more accurate word is 'vampire'.
I grew up in Phoenix with my mother, but moved to Forks when I started high school. I should explain that Forks is my dad's home. He grew up here and is as much a part of the place as the constant rain. This is where I met the Cullen family and discovered their secret.
I was rather quiet and awkward at school, but found myself drawn to the secretive and reclusive siblings as is by a higher power. Or maybe it was just because they were so mysterious and attractive – two things I would have dearly loved to be at that time. It was later that I discovered who they really are and learned their history.
I had become close friends with Emmett; he had an evil sense of humour and his pranks were legendary in the Cullen household. Emmett was a big, muscular senior who made me feel safe and protected walking the high school halls. As the other students avoided the family at all times, I found them to be my salvation. Emmett's wife, Rosalie, however, was less tolerant of our friendship and hid her resentment poorly behind a thin veil of sarcasm and the occasional outburst. I let it slide as Emmett adored her and the rest of the family treated me as one of their own. It helped that they didn't kill humans of course...
Emmett's little sister, Alice, was in my year along with her boyfriend, Jasper (whom I later discovered was her husband). Alice and I bonded despite our obvious differences (she being beautiful, confident and loved to shop; myself being plain, clumsy and wearing whatever my hand grasped when I opened the wardrobe door in the mornings). Alice saw me as her ongoing pet project.
Jasper was formal and restrained around me but with Alice, he was as a planet orbiting its own sun. She filled his world with radiance and, in return, basked in his love for her. Together they radiated happiness.
I found Emmett's younger brother, Edward, to be rather distant. It was difficult to engage with him as he rarely made eye contact, preferring instead to devote his time to music and books. I persevered whenever we crossed paths trying my hardest to elicit some form of response. The usual result was a somewhat distracted and brief utterance before he would once again excuse himself and return to his books.
After finishing our junior year of high school, Alice and Jasper took an extended holiday to Alaska, which prompted their adoptive parents to take a break themselves. Dr Cullen was owed a significant amount of leave from the hospital and his wife, Esme, (a lecturer at the college in Port Angeles) was on summer break. They took themselves off by private jet to their own island. This sounded unbelievably grand to me. When I later asked Emmett about it, he just laughed and said that Carlisle had purchased it years before as a gift for Esme. I was curious that the concept of money never seemed to interest them – I later learned that Alice had a lot to do with their cash flow and guaranteed a never ending supply of available funds. An almost limitless budget was a foreign concept to me; at the time, I worked at Newton's store on the weekends in order to supplement my book collection and replace my meagre collection of clothes as they wore out. Money was hard earned and appreciated all the more for it.
During a leisurely afternoon at the Cullens', I learned that Edward had decided to move out of the main house, ostensibly to concentrate on his composing. He had prepared a smaller home in the grounds of their palatial residence and, with Emmett's help, moved his substantial music and book collection to its new location. As the day wore on, I noticed that Rosalie was becoming progressively more edgy and tense than usual around me. Later that evening, following my departure, the situation escalated out of control.
Telling me about it the next day, Emmett said he had thought she was joking when she told him she was leaving.
"Emm, you need to choose."
At her tone, I looked up from the game I was idly watching.
"Choose what, babe? What's up with you tonight?"
"The human girl. Bella. I just don't understand why you feel the need to be around her. Her scent is everywhere. On your clothes, all over the house ...I hate it. Why must you pollute our home with reminders of her?"
I was taken aback at the venom in her voice.
"Aww, come on, babe. Bella's cool, for a human, and she's fun to be around. You know that Carlisle and Esme think of her as another daughter. School's over - when am I going to get to hang out with her if you don't want her in the house?"
"That's not my problem, Emm. Edward has moved out – do you really think he would have done so if it weren't for your little friend? We all weaken now and again; if one of us leaves it too long between hunts, do you need me to spell out what could happen?"
I looked at her, confused.
"But, Rose, we all hunt regularly, and Jasper's making a real effort, not allowing himself to get too thirsty. And if he doesn't have a problem with Bella, then I don't see why you would. He is the most likely to lose control around her, after all. And as for Edward, I'm pretty sure he just wants some time alone. You know how he gets every few years. He wants to vent his frustrations into his music."
"Emm, I don't want you to see Bella any more. As your wife, I forbid it."
I laughed at this. She's kidding. My laughter petered out as I looked up at her face, expressionless. She's serious.
"Rose, are you telling me who I can be friends with?"
"No, Emm, I'm telling you to choose. Which do you want more, your marriage or this friendship?"
I looked at her for a long moment. "Rose, babe. Why are you being like this?"
"She's Alice's friend. Let Alice spend time with her. Your place is with me. We've got the whole summer and I want us to go away somewhere. I refuse to be trapped here while everyone else is away having fun."
Her voice got progressively louder as her temper escalated. This jealousy was not an attractive feature, and I realised that both her jealousy and her temper had worsened over the past months that we had been at school.
I tried to reason with her.
"But, babe, we had a break before exams. We went to the house in Alaska ... and you know that I don't feel right leaving Edward on his own. He barely speaks to anyone outside the family and I feel better if I can be here, in case he needs to talk."
"Oh really?" Is she sneering at me? "Is that the real reason? Are you sure you just don't want to leave your precious Bella?" She spat the name as if it were poisonous.
I shook my head, unable to believe her hostility.
"Rose, I think you should calm down and then we'll talk about this ..." With ferocity, she smashed a lamp over my head. "Babe! What are you doing?"
"You don't love me!"
The screeching coming from her was so uncharacteristic that it was both shocking and terrifying. She lunged toward me, trying to beat me with her fists in her rage but I grabbed her arms, easily able to stop her while looking at her with disbelief.
"CHOOSE! CHOOSE!" she screamed; her beautiful face twisted with rage.
I could hear screaming coming from the main house and for the longest moment could not place the voice. Then I heard a crash and Emmett's cry of surprise. I bolted upright and ran at full speed to the house, throwing the door open just in time to see Rosalie beating Emmett's chest, and he, looking panicked, trying to restrain her. I found myself wishing Carlisle and Jasper were here to calm and reason with her as I intervened, pinioning her arms to her sides. I grimaced at Emmett over the top of her blonde head as she tried to wrench her arms free.
"Emm, how did this happen? Her thoughts ... she's so angry at you. I know you guys have been having problems, but this is crazy."
Rose growled and struggled in my vice-like grip.
"Let me go!" she snarled.
Emmett looked at me in surprise.
"Problems? What problems?" He sounded so stunned and sincere that I knew he honestly had no clue.
I thought back to a week ago, when I had been idly playing piano in the music room. Rose had been entertaining vindictive thoughts toward Bella, which I found disturbing. I usually tuned my family out, but this turn of events had me listening carefully for possible signs of future trouble. There were also angry thoughts of isolation and dissatisfaction mixed up in her head that I could not understand. Her mind was like an angry lion pacing in a cage. I had tentatively listened in to Emmett during the days that followed and, to my surprise, found that Rose rarely featured in his subconscious thoughts. He thought nothing bad about her; it just came across as subdued frustration. I found the atmosphere between them to be negatively charged, and it was for this reason that I decided to move out for a spell.
"Rose, go outside and cool off. I'll be in here if you need me." I waited for her to slowly leave the room, the fight seemingly knocked out of her for the time being. I turned back to Emmett.
"Emm, we need to talk. Man to man. I've been trying not to listen, but I have eyes. You two haven't hunted together for a while, and you rarely seem to think about her in a (oh, man, this is awkward) sexual way. Have you two been, ah, (hell, I wish Carlisle were here to do this) intimate recently?"
Emmett shrugged and kicked at the rug, morosely.
"Nah. We've been together so long now and she just doesn't seem interested in me that way much these days. I try, man, I really do, but she just makes excuses and goes out to tend to the horses." He threw himself down on the couch in defeat. "I shouldn't have to beg, Edward. She's my wife."
My toes were curling with embarrassment at this revelation. My own experience in this area was, well, none. My family were always very sexually active – in fact, I often had to go for a hunt just to spare myself the sounds and thoughts emanating from their rooms. Although it should have been our father's job to have this talk with him, I knew that my usually happy go lucky brother was hurting and needed to share the burden.
"What sparked this row today? What was the catalyst?"
Emmett took a deep, unnecessary breath.
"She thinks I spend too much time with Bella. She told me to choose, Edward. Choose between my wife and my friend, my first human friend in over 80 years. I find Bella endlessly fascinating, and seeing the world through her eyes is fun. Fun is something that has been in short supply for me lately." He spread his hands in a helpless gesture.
"What do you need, Emmett? Do you want to take a break, or something? Maybe go for a long weekend hunting trip?"
Emmett didn't get the opportunity to answer as it was at that moment that Rosalie stalked back into the room to make her announcement.
"Emm, I've decided to make this easy. As you clearly cannot choose, I will do it for you. I'm leaving you. I will be packed and gone from this house by daybreak. I'll talk to the rest of the family when they return." With this parting shot, she spun on her heel and walked upstairs to pack.
Emmett watched her go with a look of sadness and finality on his face.
THE FOLLOWING DAY
I rocked up to the Cullen house, my truck's roaring engine announcing my arrival. I turned off the ignition and looked over to the door, expecting to see my usual welcome party but, strangely, Emmett was nowhere to be seen. I grabbed my bag from the passenger seat and climbed out of the cab. Perhaps he'd gone hunting with Edward or something. I tried the door, found it open and decided to wait for him in the big sitting room. Eyeing the leather couch, I made a beeline for it and flopped into it gratefully. I'd spent the morning unpacking heavy boxes at the store, with no help from anyone, and I ached. I'd been tempted to stay home but Charlie and Billy were watching sports. I couldn't take their teasing and questions about boys (and my lack of one) so I had grabbed my keys and took off.
I must have dozed off, as when I awoke the house was dark and silent. I reached for the table lamp but it must have been moved elsewhere so I gingerly made my way to the door without incident or injury and flipped on the lights. It was then I noticed the dark shape of Emmett standing in the garden, seemingly staring into space. Sensing me moving around, he turned and slowly trudged back up to the house. I opened the door for him and went back to the couch. Something was wrong. Unspoken questions hung in the air as I waited for him to say something.
"Can I get you a juice, Bella?" He seemed awkward, uncomfortable.
"Emm, why didn't you wake me? I'm sorry I came over unannounced; I guess I should have called. I just didn't realise how tired I was. I can go now. This is me leaving." I was babbling as I struggled to my feet again, grabbing my bag and heading for the door.
"It's ok, you don't have to go." He didn't meet my eyes and I paused, confused.
"What is it? What's wrong? Is it the family? Has something happened?" I was scared now and questions fell freely from my lips.
He sighed and said nothing for what felt like an hour. Then he looked up and met my gaze steadily. "It's Rose. She left me."
My breath caught in my throat. He looked so beaten that I wanted to throw my arms around him and comfort him in that moment but I was frozen to the spot.
"I didn't think she was serious at all but I guess, looking back, we had drifted apart and I didn't notice. We hardly ever spent any quality time together alone anymore and it wasn't until Edward pointed it out that I realised that we hadn't hunted together for months. I just go with Edward or Jasper these days. She was always so angry but wouldn't talk about it. I subconsciously avoided the issue by not being alone with her. That's really bad isn't it? My marriage is over and I can't even defend myself. I let it happen. I don't even know how to feel; I should be devastated and yet I feel almost relieved. It's been so tense for months and now ..." He tailed off with a non committal shrug.
I felt his embarrassment at his open and frank admission of his failure.
"Will she ... will she come back? After she calms down and talks to Carlisle or Jasper...?" I hesitated. It was utterly wrong that I felt a sense of relief that Rose was gone. She was so hostile and cold toward me that her leaving felt as though a weight had been lifted. I could be friends with Emmett now and not feel guilty about it. I'm so selfish. Emmett's in pain and I'm thinking of myself.
"She was pretty convincing when she left. She says she's gonna talk to Jasper and Carlisle but I can't see her coming back here. Now that she's made the break I think she'll go live in Denali while she figures out her next move."
"Would you take her back?" I asked tentatively. This was no time to put my foot in my mouth, which was my usual affliction in awkward situations.
He breathed out hard. "I ...I wish I could say yes to that but I've not been able to make her happy and maybe this is for the best. I want her to be happy, Bella, I really do. And if being away from me makes her happy..." He paused. "Wow - I guess we really are over," he finished wonderingly.
"So no one else knows she's gone yet?" I looked at him questioningly.
"Edward does. He witnessed the whole thing. He was very upset - it turns out that he moved out because of the tension in the air and not because of ..." He stopped suddenly.
"What? Not because of what, Emmett?" I sensed his sudden unease and it bothered me. He looked down at his feet unwilling to meet my gaze. I swear he would have been beet red if it were possible. "Emmett? What are you not telling me?"
"She was jealous, Bella." The words were said so quietly I thought I had misheard him. He raised his head and met my eyes. I felt a trickle of apprehension run down my spine at his gaze.
"Bella - she was jealous of me and you."
Bella was looking at me as though I had grown another head. I wondered if she had understood my meaning.
"Rose hated me being friends with you and it festered inside her until she had convinced herself that I was ...," I faltered, unwilling to say the words that I knew would end our friendship for good, "she thought that you and I ... she thought that we ... (deep breath, Cullen) she thought-I-was-in-love-with-you." The words came out in a garbled rush as it that would somehow dispel the meaning around them.
She gaped at me in astonishment. I walked toward her holding out my hand in reassurance.
"Bella, say something please..."
I heard her clear her throat as she walked straight past me to the kitchen. I heard the refrigerator door open and then the pop as she opened a bottle of juice. There was a click as the bottle was placed on the counter top and she reappeared in the doorway.
"Let me get this straight – Rose left because she thought you and me were ... together? Where would she get an idea like that? Is this my fault for hanging around so much? You know, you could have told me to go and we could have just hung out at the store or at school. Oh god -I've ruined everything. Your family are never going to want to see me again after this." She buried her face in her hands. I couldn't stand it.
"Bella this is not your fault. It's Rose's and mine. We stopped trying and somewhere down the line we just stopped working. When I met you things were already starting to go bad. I tried – I loved her so much and, after all, she saved me. She was so strong - she kept me sane when I was new and adjusting to this life. The others had to have noticed the shift if Edward did. Alice probably saw this in her visions weeks ago and chose to not say anything. She wouldn't have acted on it if she thought things might change. It's totally possible that she and Jasper have gone away to give us time to fix things but, unfortunately, it was just too late for that in the end. The family will be sad and they will miss her but, in the end, they will understand." I felt uncomfortable as this was the longest speech I had ever given.
I looked over and saw that she was shaking. I sat down a small distance away from her and tentatively touched her shoulder, trying to reassure her that this would be ok, that we would be ok. With one finger I brushed her hair back from her face and she looked up at me, her deep brown eyes shimmering with tears. I leaned over and put my arm around her shoulders pulling her in to my body and rubbing her arm in an unconscious gesture.
"Emm, your wife just left and you're comforting me? I think you have this backwards."
She sighed heavily and turned in my arms, hugging me to her in a warm embrace, her face buried in my shirt.
My arms gingerly encircled her as I pulled her closer to me, breathing in her intoxicating scent at the same time. I had always tried to ignore her human scent as it was unthinkable for her to be considered 'prey' and, given the amount of time we spent together, I had developed an immunity to it out of necessity. However the sheer closeness of her right now, pressed against me, sent a wave of desire over me that had nothing to do with my thirst. This revelation sent my confused mind into a tailspin. My lips found their way to her hair and I kissed the top of her head, hoping she wouldn't pull away from me and ruin this moment. I heard her breath catch in her throat and I winced, wondering if I had gone too far. What am I doing? Stupid stupid stupid.
"You smell really good." I heard her muffled whisper, her face still pressed against me, not moving at all. "I noticed that when I first met you. It's weird."
"I smell weird?" This took me by surprise and I leaned back to look at her.
She straightened up, refusing to meet my eyes, and replying awkwardly, "No, I said you smell really good – it's weird."
She likes the way I smell. Feeling's mutual there, love. I chuckled. Although she was still looking down I could see a blush had spread over her cheeks – something which always caused her immense embarrassment but which in turn caused more blushing as a result.
"Well, I'm glad you like my 'smell'. Is that all you like about me?" I asked teasingly.
She looked up, surprised. "Wh...what?"
I looked at her steadily. Her brown eyes widened as her pupils darkened. I found this automatic response very erotic, but made no further move toward her. "What else do you like about me?" I repeated.
"Emmett ... what do ... what are you... saying?" She was staring deep into my golden eyes, transfixed, and I noticed that her lips had parted slightly as her breathing accelerated.
"Bella, I ... like you. I find myself waiting for your visits and I'm disappointed if I don't see you every day. Truth is I miss you when I'm here alone. And before you ask ..." I touched my thumb to her mouth gently to deter speech, "I have felt alone for quite some time."
I couldn't breathe. His cold thumb on my mouth was unexpectedly gentle. It took all my reserve not to lick it to see if it tasted as good as his scent suggested. My mind was a maelstrom of thoughts all competing for supremacy: he's married! She left him! But he loves her doesn't he? He says it's over... he likes me...he misses me... he likes me ...can we really do this? This last thought caused goose bumps to break out in a wave down my arms and thighs. I couldn't deny that a small part of me had always desired Emmett, but I had quashed that idea early on in our relationship as just being his friend was exhilarating enough. Besides – Rose had scared the hell out of me.
I realised that my breathing was becoming ragged, as his stunning topaz eyes gazed into mine. I licked my suddenly dry lips.
"Emm – are you suggesting that ... you... and I ..." I couldn't finish the sentence. It took all my control not to touch him. My hands were shaking and I trapped them between my thighs.
Emmett grinned and my heart rate upped another notch. He touched my cheek so gently that I thought I imagined it for a second until he cupped my chin and slowly raised my face level with his. Time slowed as I met his gaze and saw such adoration in them that I couldn't help but lean in toward him. My lips were a whisper away from his and my breathing was embarrassingly loud. He must be able to hear my heart galloping. Oh god. Ohgod ohgod ohgod.
He leaned forward infinitesimally, closing the gap between us until it seemed that my whole body was bunched up in anticipation. My eyes were already half closed when I felt the briefest brush of his cold lips on mine. He pulled away a fraction and breathed in sharply. His eyes were closed for a second and then they slowly opened. I looked into their depths questioningly. A teasing half smile appeared on his face before his lips slowly found mine again, this time fully and with intent.
My mind screamed I'm kissing Emmett! I'm kissing my best friend! What does he expect? Am I ready? Then the kiss deepened, my lips moving in harmony with his, and my mind was silent at last. He tasted divine. I wanted to swallow him in, to never let him go, this taste too good to lose. In a bold movement I sucked in his bottom lip and he growled in response. That growl went straight to my groin and I felt myself getting wet. My hands reached up, one tangled in his hair while the other caressed his neck. I felt shockingly wanton and pressed my body against his. His arms held me tightly against his muscled form as his tongue pressed for entrance to my mouth. My lips parted willingly and I felt faint as his tongue touched mine and started a delicate dance. My heart was pounding so hard I could hear the blood rushing in my ears. I realised I had stopped breathing but just as I felt about to lose consciousness the kiss ended. I gasped for air whilst at the same time mourning the loss of his mouth on mine.
I felt his lips graze my neck and I stiffened in shock. My nipples hardened involuntarily into painful peaks as his breath whispered along the length of my throat.
"Don't..." I gasped.
"Don't what?" he murmured against my skin. "Do you want me to stop? Is this too much?"
"No, god, no. Just don't... don't bite me... Please Emmett ..."
He pulled back in surprise. "I'm not going to bite you, Bella. You're safe with me. Don't you trust me? I need to know or we can't do this."
I dragged my head upright to look at him. His kisses had drugged me and I wanted more - much, much more. I swallowed hard, my mouth dry.
"Don't stop, Emm. I trust you. I swear."
He chuckled deeply as he lowered his face to my neck again, his tongue tracing patterns from the hollow of my throat to the delicate skin of my outer ear. He nipped at my earlobe before lightly dipping the tip of his tongue into my ear causing my whole body to shudder with desire. His breath on my damp skin sent a fresh wave of wetness into my panties. I wondered, distractedly, if he could smell it.
As he nuzzled my neck his fingers tangled themselves in my hair. My chest was heaving with every breath. Nothing had ever felt this good. I felt him hesitate before pulling himself away from me. My skin burned with the loss of contact. He gazed deep into my eyes for a long second.
"Bella, are you sure about this? I have to know before this gets totally out of control."
The only response I could give was a nod, as I didn't trust my voice to remain steady enough to answer him.
"So, what say we move this to a more comfortable location?" He touched my lips tenderly with his own, and in a flash had picked me up, and carried me upstairs to his bed. Vampire speed – WHOA.
My body was now within easy reach of his roaming hands. Those same hands pushed up my shirt to reveal my belly and his fingers danced over the bare flesh causing it to ripple and jerk in response. I gasped aloud as his lips found a sensitive spot just below my belly button and gently mouthed and kissed it before running the tip of his tongue across my lower belly in a lightning fast sweep. Holy hell, I'm going to go insane before he's through with me. I reached out blindly for him, needing to touch some part of the perfect vision in front of me. He captured my hand before it found him and slowly sucked the length of my little finger into his mouth, his tongue flickering over the tip and under the nail. I took a deep breath and, although my cheeks were blazing like a sunset, met his gaze. He knew exactly what effect he was having on me. He raised an eyebrow challengingly.
"Emm ... take your shirt off ... please ..." I mumbled, trying to help with the buttons.
He reached up, tore the shirt off over his head, and tossed it to the other side of the room. I swallowed hard. He was solid muscle. I knew his arms were big and strong, but I still wasn't prepared for the beauty of his bare chest. Open mouthed in wonder I finally got to run my hands over his cold chiselled torso and hear his gasp of pleasure as my thumb brushed his nipple. Curious, I leaned forward and tickled it with the tip of my tongue. He groaned. Feeling a little bolder I sucked it into my mouth and felt it harden.
"Hell, Bella ..."
He pushed me back against the pillow and kissed me deeply, his body pressed against my belly. I could feel his arousal clearly through the denim, which both excited me and terrified me in equal measure. When he pulled back I saw that his eyes had darkened noticeably. His large hands fumbled with my shirt buttons as he tried to expose me to his gaze. My fingers helped and finally it fell open. I shook it off impatiently and my bra straps fell down my arms. I giggled nervously. Emmett was staring at me as though I were a priceless statue he had just uncovered. His hand tentatively cupped my breast through my bra and gently squeezed.
Courage came from nowhere.
"Take it off, Emmett," I whispered.
For a second he looked floored as if he had imagined it. Then he reached around me and expertly flicked the catch. My breasts sprang free from their confinement and I shrugged the flimsy garment off, dropping it over the side of the bed. Emmett just stared at my breasts in a private moment of worship before clasping and claiming them in his hands. He lowered his mouth to the swollen tips and began to suckle. I was not prepared for the sensation and my panties were now drenched with my arousal. I saw Emmett's nostrils flare and it was then I knew my answer.
My head fell back as he sucked first one peak and then the other, squeezing my breasts together making it easier to suck both in quick succession. He continued back and forth creating a blazing trail of desire between my nipples, stomach and groin.
"Oh god, Emm ... that is so good..." I whimpered, my thighs rubbing themselves together in a vain attempt at relief.
I jolted suddenly as his hand cupped my crotch through my jeans, massaging the seam into my hot, wet core. I was burning alive, thrashing on the bed and cursing as his hand kept up a firm, circular motion, grinding the fabric where I needed it most. I felt my muscles bunch and tense as heat rose rapidly through my body before convulsing into a white-hot, blinding orgasm. A scream ripped from my throat as pleasure engulfed me; meanwhile Emmett's hand continued to slowly stimulate me until my spasms subsided and my breathing came back under my control.
"Was that your first?" he breathed down my ear. I flamed red and nodded. "I hope it was worth the wait," he teased. "Let me know if you'd like more and I'll try to oblige."
If? IF? Was he freakin' insane?