Have a case of writters block on Dark Side of Amestris and wrote this to help me get over it. I hope you all laugh as much as I did while writting it. Beta'ed by HappiestUnderClouds. This isn't like my other fics, and I hope you all like the change of pace here.


Roy Mustang was furious, and when the great Flame Alchemist was furious, the whole office knew it.

Earlier that morning he stormed into the office looking like he was on the verge of killing someone. "Sir, is everything ok?" Havoc questioned, flinching as Mustang turned the wrath of his scowling face upon him. "No, everything is not alright! I just received a call from my newest date cancelling our plans for this evening! Apparently she found someone else! Who could she have found that's better than me?" Havoc shook his head and sighed. "Modest, aren't you? Now you know how I feel with you constantly stealing my girlfriends."

A look of shock crossed Mustang's face, followed by a frown. "Sorry Havoc, I never knew how it felt until now. If it makes you feel any better, all the ones I took from you were just trying to get military secrets." Havoc shook his head while chuckling. "Anyway, do you know who she dumped you for Colonel?"

Mustang sighed and sat on Havoc's desk while the rest of the crew tried to concentrate on their paperwork. "No, all that I was able to find out was that they were in the military and held the rank of major. I can accept being dumped, but I want to know who is better than me!"

"Colonel Mustang, as much as I hate to interrupt your pity party, you have a meeting with Edward in ten minutes." Riza stated, not looking very apologetic at all. "All right, I'll be in my office, send him in when he gets here." Roy walked in his office, slamming the door behind him.

A few minutes later, Roy was thrown out of his train of thought by his door being slammed open from a kick by an automail leg. "You wanted to see me, bastard?" He sat down on the left couch and propped his feet up on the coffee table. "I won't even ask you to lower your feet since you never listen to me anyway, so start with your verbal report on your last mission." Edward smirked as he tried not to laugh. "All right then, it started like this-"

Hours passed as Roy listened to everything Edward had to say about his mission to the north. They were eventually interrupted by a knock on the door. "Sir, there's a woman here to see Edward." Roy looked sideways at Edward before responding to Riza. "Send her in; we were just finishing up here."

Riza nodded and left, shutting the door behind her. "So Fullmetal, you've finally discovered girls. Guess I taught you a few things since you've been here after all." Edward smiled and laughed, "You have no idea Colonel, none at all."

Roy was about to respond when a gorgeous brown haired woman walked in. Roy's eyes widened in shock before he gathered his wits about him, stood up and strolled over to her, cocky smirk on his face. "Why Sara, is there something I can help you with? Did you change your mind about tonight?" Sara shook her head. "Sorry Roy, I'm not here for you, I'm here for Edward. Coming dear?"

Roy's jaw dropped in shock when Edward stood up and smiled at Sara. "Of course, let's stop back at my place first before we head out to dinner. I can't go out dressed like this." Sara placed her hand in the crook of Edward's flesh arm and they started walking out the door.

"What's the meaning of this? Is this 'Prank a Colonel Day'?" Roy demanded, eye twitching as his earlier rage returned. "How can someone his height please you better than I can?" Edward froze mid-step, twitching, and his mouth getting ready to launch into a short rant when Sara placed her hand on one of Edward's shoulders, calming him instantly.

"I'll tell you why Roy, it's not the length of the rod that turns us on; it's the throb of the knob that does the job. Now if you excuse us, we have a date to get to." Edward winked cheekily back at Roy as his jaw once again hit the floor, followed by all of Mustang's other subordinates, except Riza.

"Have a good day, Bastard!" After the two left, Havoc started cracking up, almost falling out of his chair in the process. "What are you laughing at, Havoc?" Havoc calmed down enough to where he could wipe the laughter tears from his eyes. "Oh nothing, just the fact that you taught that twenty year old so well that he could steal girls from you."

Instead of storming back to his office, Roy turned to Havoc and smirked. "I'm still better than you with girls, Havoc."

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