A/N: So I stumbled upon the Chrolli storyline completely by accident one day, and after watching one video I was hooked. And by hooked I mean I am officially a Chrolli addict! In a week and a half I watched all 324 clips that were available at the time. What else can I say I LOVE THIS STORY! A few clips have actually made me cry and this fanfic takes place at one of those scenes.
I was always disappointed with the fact that Christian didn't show much emotion when Olli collapsed at the restaurant, some time after Axel's beating. However, I think a part of it comes from that fact that I don't think Christian really realized how in love he was with Olli until after he saw him in the hospital (I mean we see such a change in his demeanor in that clip). So I wrote what we might not have seen after Olivia tells Christian that Olli made it through the surgery, and what Christian might have been thinking. I suggest re-watching clip 113 on ichglotzutube's youtube channel before and after reading this fic. Lastly, this fic is meant to be read SLOWLY, with lots of pauses and breaks for emotion to build up.
I hope you all enjoy and Nanna if you see this… THANK YOU SO MUCH for uploading the video's. At the very least, you deserve a cameo spot on Verbotene Liebe for all your hard work!
"I love you so much"
"Christian!" Gregor shouted as his brother appeared from a nearby stairwell.
After running all the way to Saint Vincent's from the gym, and then up several flights of stairs, the boxer was a little bit winded. However, he would not let this slow him down.
"Gregor!" He greeted back. "Olivia told me that Olli made it through the surgery. Where is he? Is he awake? I want to see him." To match the concern in his voice, he began to frantically look around as he noticed that Charlie was not present.
"Christian,… Christian, calm down." Gregor said as he grabbed his brother by the shoulders. "Olli is still asleep. Charlie is with him in his room down the hall."
Stubbornly, Christian tried to make his way past his brother but was immediately held back. "Hey, hold on." Gregor pulled at him. "You need to put on one of these gowns before you go in there." He pointed out the green, full body gown that he was already wearing and then motioned for a nearby nurse to bring his brother one.
"Right." Christian replied as he collected himself.
As the nurse handed him a gown, Gregor was eyeing his little brother with his arms crossed. "Christian… Where were you? Olivia told me that you wanted to beat up Axel with a baseball bat. Please don't tell me you have done anything stupid."
Before the younger brother could respond, Olivia came barreling out of the stairwell, gasping for air. "Christian! You left me behind. How can you run so fast?"
"Olivia?" Gregor commented and then looked back at Christian. "So she did find you. Christian what happened?" His voice was becoming very stern, which was not something Christian needed right now.
After quickly regaining her composure, Olivia decided to answer for him. "Nothing Gregor. All Christian did was tell off those cowards at the gym. Nobody got hurt."
"Is this true?" Gregor asked of his brother.
Christian nodded as he looked him straight in the eyes. "Yeah."
With a wave of relief hitting him, Gregor sighed and he embraced Christian in a hug. He knew that had the scenario went the other way, and someone had gotten hurt, his baby brother would be facing even more jail time… Christian could be such a bullhead.
"So can we see Olli?" Olivia eventually interrupted.
Gregor pulled apart from the hug. "Ugh, yea." And he motioned for another hospital gown for Olivia.
As the trio made there way down to Olli's room in their green, full length gowns, Gregor updated them on Olli's status.
"The doctor says that he's still in an artificial coma but overall the surgery was a success. You should know, however, that he did mentioned that Olli is not out of the woods yet."
The look of concern returned to Christian's face. "What do you mean?"
Gregor stopped in front of Olli's hospital room and turned to face the two. "He mentioned that Olli might have some brain damage, and that there is always a possibility of complications after the surgery. We won't know any of this until Olli wakes up."
"When will that be?" Olivia asked, her voice cautious about the question.
Gregor sighed once again. "With most cases it's relatively soon, but Leonard did mention that, in very rare cases… it may be longer."
Christian hesitantly asked the obvious. "How much longer?"
"It depends. Each person is different. But again, those are very rare cases. Right now we should just take one step at a time." And with that Gregor motioned for them to go inside. Olivia ran and was quickly greeted by her aunt as they hugged. Outside, Christian was about to head in behind her when Gregor put his hand on his brother's shoulder. He could tell the reality of the entire situation was beginning to sink in. "Christian, understand that if the worst ever did happen, we will all be here for both you and Olli. You won't have to face anything alone."
Christian remained silent as he simply nodded.
The two brothers went inside and were instantly greeted by Charlie. "Christian, you had us worried." She said as he hugged him. Over her shoulder he could see Olivia standing next to Olli. At the present moment she was blocking his view from the upper half of Olli's body.
As Charlie let Christian go of the hug he took a step forward. Olivia took this as a cue and stepped aside to let him see Olli for the first time since he was admitted to the hospital.
The scene before him almost brought the middle-weight champion to his knees. Just a few feet away, lay the man he loved, unconscious, with bandages wrapped around his head. It was as if a truck named 'reality' had suddenly hit him full force. He could not speak… he could not move.
Gregor immediately noticed the change in his little brother's demeanor. Christian had the same look on his face right now, as when they saw their mother in the hospital, right after her suicide.
Without missing a beat Gregor turned towards Charlie and Olivia. "I think we should give them some privacy."
By now Charlie had noticed the change in Christian as well and nodded. "Olivia." She said as she motioned for her niece to follow her out.
Olivia didn't say anything but her facial expressions showed she understood. She leaned down to give her cousin a kiss on the forehead and whispered to him, "Get better Olli." She wiped a tear from her eye before turning around and following her aunt out the door.
While the two women left, Christian's eyes remained fixated on Olli. He still couldn't move. He was in shock. As the door shut behind him Gregor stepped closer to his brother. "He's not Mom."
"Huh?" Christian turned towards him, snapping out of his daze. Did his brother really just say…
"He's not Mom." Gregor said slower. "He's going to make it through this."
Christian crossed his arms as he tried to block some of his emotions from surfacing. As a boxer he often felt that crying was a sign of weakness and right now he was having trouble holding back the tears that were starting to form in his eyes.
"Christian." Gregor muttered softly, as if to tell his brother that it was OK, that crying and showing your emotions didn't mean you were weak but rather showed that you were human. It also let Christian know that he really wasn't alone. That, just like when their mother died, his big brother was right by his side, to protect him, and support him.
Christian finally turned to face his brother and, after a brief moment, they once again embraced in a hug; the kind that only family can share. After they parted Gregor looked him in the eyes to see if his brother was going to be all right. Christian nodded, telling his brother (non-verbally) that he was able to handle this. He then watched as his brother departed the room leaving just him and Olli.
As he looked back down at the handsome man lying before him he once again became overwhelmed with emotion. Even though he was more clothed than Olli, he felt naked, raw. His boyfriend, his lover,… his everything was lying in a hospital bed in front of him and there was nothing he could do but wait. Like most people that have been in similar situations with loved-ones, he began to question the what-ifs. What if Olli had brain damage? What if there were more complications? What if Olli was one of the few that didn't wake up from the artificial coma right away? What if he never woke up?
What if he died?
He had thought about this before but seeing Olli in this hospital bed some how made it more real. Christian began to contemplate what a life with Olli would be like, but he couldn't… because he knew there was no life without Olli, there was only rage – rage towards Axel. Suddenly, his mind began to spiral out of control as he imagined himself reaching a breaking point with Olli's death. He could see a part of himself dying along with his boyfriend, leaving only pure rage behind.
If Olli did die then Axel would be VERY wise to turn himself into the police, because a simple beating with a bat would now be considered child's play in comparison to what the new Christian Mann would do to him! Christian's mind was soon consumed with dark images that overwhelmed his psyche. He was not a violent person but he saw himself being completely destroyed if Olli died. It was because he loved him so much… wait…
… that was it…
… he loved him… he LOVED Olli…
Christian sat in the chair next to Olli's bed as he found he could no longer stand.
He loved Olli… more than anything he had ever loved before. Christian knew a while ago that he was in love with him but it was like at that very moment he realized just how deeply he had fallen for him.
Olli meant the world to Christian, he was his other half. Nobody else had ever come remotely close to making him feel this way; not even Coco.
With tears streaming down his ivory cheeks Christian trembled as he took Olli's hand into his own.
"Oliver Sabel." He thought to himself. "You have completely changed my life. You have showed me unconditional love, and I've… I've acted so selfishly. I put my boxing career ahead of you, betrayed you many times to convince everyone that I was straight, and now… now when I finally realize what I have, it's you who's suffering for my mistakes. I'm – I'm so sorry Olli."
He gently lifted up Olli's hand and planted a light kiss on the delicate skin. His lips stayed there, not wanting to separate their contact from Olli. He then silently made a promise that he would never again take for granted the love that they shared.
As tears continued to run down his face, Christian, for the first time in his life, spoke from the very depths of his soul,
"I love you so much."