Kurt Hummel.

Ha. What a fag.

I mean, seriously. Look at him. He's always dressing super fruity. I wish he would just stop being so damn… girly and be like a guy should be. I don't want to look at that all day.

I mean, he might as well be a girl with the way he dresses all stylish, and how good he always smells. I took one of his scarves when I threw him a dumpster at the end of last year, and it's hanging on my bedpost. I mean, not because I like it or anything. Don't get me wrong, it's fruity as fuck. I actually meant to sell it because it seems like it's expensive or something, but I never got around to doing it. It just kinda is there, and it acts like an air freshener. It just smells… really good.

Not- not that I think that he smells good or anything- but… but he smells really good. He must be wearing a perfume. It doesn't really smell like a perfume, though… sort of like, just skin. What a girl. I mean, He is like a girl. He really is like a girl. It's not weird or anything to think about him like that-

No. Like nothing. Nothing. He's a queer. He's a fucking fag and he needs to be reminded of that. Lots of people have weird dreams. It's not weird at all to have a couple dreams. I just… I need to shake myself out of it. I need to snap out of it.

Okay, maybe his body looks so delicate that if I picked him up he'd shatter into a million pieces. And so what if he has the flexibility of a contortionist- all of those things are hot on girls also! I mean- girls are fucking hot. I love girls. I wish Kurt was a girl.

Which he pretty much is. Maybe that's why I had a dream. And maybe that's why I can't shake these feelings. Because he is a girl. Okay, he wasn't- like- physically a girl in my dream… he was soft and he whispered and he was so delicate and he smelled so good-

Stop it Dave, stop it. You don't have to go there. You are straight. You toss fags into the dumpster, you're not going to become one! I mean… it's not like you're like this for every guy it's just that girl, Hummel.

But God, do I want to feel him; I want him to run his hands up and down my body and I want him to wrap around himself as I trace his every detail under my tongue-

FUCKING STOP IT! STOP IT! You're not like this! You aren't! You aren't! You're… you're not! You- You can't be…

I mean, if I heard myself, I would definitely be beating myself up. Oh shit, what would Azimio do? He would kick my ass and call me names and I would be even worse off than Kurt. But that's okay, because I'm not- that… that g-word. I'm not even close to it. Look at me! Look how manly I am! I'm not even a little bit faggy, I'm so- I'm the- I…

I'm…

I…

Shit man, I can't be… I just… I can't be…


I was never homophobic but this was pretty much the struggle I went through also when I wanted to come out. You don't think the word gay. You shut out everything that reminds you of your confusion. You find places to blame your emotions. You think it's the TV shows, or that it's something that everyone goes through for a while. You scold yourself at every same-sex person you look at and it's incredibly frustrating. I think Dave is probably confused and repressing it to it's breaking point. It's what he's been against, and it's not easy to admit to your mistakes.