I watched the hate crime episode. That's all I have to say to this. The end.

Disclaimer: Me no own. There.

When Butters became Eric's boyfriend, it wasn't because Eric asked him out. No, it was because the brunet shoved him against a wall and told him he was going to be his boyfriend, no questions asked or he'd smack the stupid outta him. So Butters agreed (what else could he do?) without putting up too much of a fight. His father had always told him that liking other boys was wrong and dirty, but he'd always been with Eric and he liked him anyway, so he couldn't see the harm in it. Saved him the trouble of confessing to Eric and possibly being rejected.

People were surprised, not because they were going out (because everyone thought Butters was gay anyway), but because it was amazing that Butters would tolerate such abusive behavior from Eric. The chunky teenager would boss him around, curse him out regularly and smack him on occasion. And Butters didn't seem to mind.

Of course he minded, and in private Butters would take it up with Cartman furiously, and the other would shut him up with rough kisses and heavy pawing. But Butters had expected this jack-ass behavior from Eric anyway, so it wasn't that bad. Their relationship progressed, and the blond settled in nicely into his role as Cartman's boyfriend, and the other seemed to tolerate him more in public, even going as far as to hold Butters around the waist possessively and slightly triumphantly in front of their friends.

They spent most of their time in Cartman's house (seeing as Butter's dad had a problem with them going out) and Eric wasn't such a dick when people weren't around, and even sat the blond on his lap a few times and kissed him softly the way Butters liked it. And things always seemed perfect in those moments. So perfect, in fact, that Butters didn't mind when after a couple of months of going out they took it a little farther than usual and ended up having sex on Cartman's bed.

And he was amazed.

It was like an entirely different person took over then, one who was kind and sweet and loved him profusely. Eric took his virginity gently, making it slow and unrushed and seemingly being perfectly fine with waiting until Butters got used to the sensations before moving. And afterwards, he found out that Eric was a cuddler. Dear sweet Lord, he was a cuddler.

Every time they did it after that was the same: tender and loving, bordering on passionately rough, but Cartman turned back into that thick-headed jerk the next day. This honestly confused the poor young boy, very much so. There had to be a reason, right? Maybe Eric was bipolar. Maybe it was a trick! Maybe he was just weird like that. It was a mystery that plagued his thoughts.

However, when he finally asked and got an answer, it wasn't quite the one he was expecting.

They were laying in bed, naked, limbs tangled and one of Cartman's big hands wrapped around the blond's slender waist, holding him close. Butters was spent, completely satisfied, and he was blushing like crazy. Hell yeah, the sex was awesome. And it so happened that the question he'd been meaning to ask pierced the haze of his happily drunken mind. So he popped the question.


"Mmm, yeah?"

"Why're y'only gentle with me when we have sex?"

The brunet rumbled with displeasure. "It's not sex, it's making love, so shut up or call it what it is. Phht, 'sex'." he snorted contemptuously.

Butters giggled. It was cute that Eric said it so blatantly, as if there was no other way to refer to it as. It made it sound so loving. (Which it was, he just didn't expect Eric of all people to refer to it that way.) "Okay. Then, why're y'only really gentle with me when we make love?"

"What're you talking about; I'm gentle with you all the damn time!"

Butters pouted, looking up with a frown. "Y'called me a faggot in front of Clyde an' punched me in th' arm yesterday."

Cartman looked down at him, scoffing. "You are a faggot and you stole my chicken nuggets! Of course I'd punch you!"

The blond prodded the other's chest sullenly. "I'ah told you tha' wasn't me! Kenny did it! He hid 'em in his jacket, an' I'ah didn't have any pockets...what, I'ah ate 'em all in two seconds?"

"Oh." Eric paused as he processed this. "Remind me to kick his ass tomorrow."

Butters rolled his eyes, snuggling in deeper to the other boy as he muttered, "I'ah'm not th' only faggot in here anyways..."


"Well, you're really, really nice in bed. I'ah didn't really think you'd be so gentle, y'know?"

Cartman was strangely silent, and when Butters looked up, he was amazed to see the larger boy blushing. He was stunned into silence, and Eric cleared his throat nervously. "Uh, well...you, uh, you remember when I went to juvie because of a hate crime? And I had to break out 'cuz of that sled race against the girls?"

"Yeah." Butters propped himself up on his forearm, all of his attention focused on his boyfriend.

"Ahem...uh, you see..." Eric fumbled for the right words to say. "When I was there, I had to...do things-"

"Oh my God, Eric!" Butters yelped, sitting up." Did they take your asshole virginity?"

Cartman conked him on the head. "No, you dumb faggot! I had to smuggle stuff in my ass!"

"...oh..." Butters lay back down, rubbing his head in confusion. "But...doesn't that still c-"

"No Butters, it does not count." Eric rolled his eyes, reaching up to pull the blond's hand down so he could soothe the aching spot himself. "But it definitely wasn't one of my better weeks."

The blond couldn't help but giggle. "You actually had to smuggle stuff in there?"

"Shut up. And yes. it hurt like a bitch tryin' to shit them out."

Butters looked up at him, eyes afire in curiosity. "So, wha' kinda stuff did you, uh, smuggle?"

Eric paused, looking thoughtful. "I smuggled most of Disneyland in there."

Butters exploded into hysterical laughter, and the brunet pushed him away roughly. "Dammit, Butters, shut the fuck up! I just didn't want it to feel that way for you! Goddammit!"

The blond boy stopped in his mirth, hurriedly crawling back to him. "Really? You...you really didn't want that?"

"Duh, you jackass. You're my boyfriend, aren't you?"

"Oh Eric..." he hugged the bigger boy, reaching up to kiss his cheek. "I'ah love you."

"Yeah, yeah." A heavy hand patted his hair awkwardly, and Butters knew Cartman was blushing too. "I love you too, sheesh. Stop being so melodramatic."

Yes, it wasn't the answer he expected, but it certainly made him love Eric Cartman a whole lot more.

A/N: Crappy ending, but I like it anyways.