a/n: i wrote this based around the idea that somehow or other Alucard found himself in Amestris, became a companion of Ed's, and managed to sneak into the transmutation circle Ed used to go fetch Al. ok? ok.

Disclaimer: i don't own FMA or Hellsing, but if I did, there'd be at least one instance in which the two world's collided. The hilarity that would ensue? Endless.

White-Wash the World

Everything was blinding white, the vast nothingness sending peculiar sensations along his skin. "Where the hell-"


Said vampire looked over at the alchemist on his left, flashing him a grin. "Why Edward, what are you doing here?" The faux surprise in his voice echoed eerily as it bounced off surfaces neither of them could make out.

"I could ask you the same question."

"That's not much of an answer. After all, it was only a harmless little question. You need not be so short with me." Alucard's grin widened with each word that fell from his mouth.

Ed's expression, however, darkened with each word, a vein ticking painfully in his forehead. "WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO TINY THAT HE COULD HAVE A DINNER PARTY WITH ATOMIC PARTICLES?"

"You, apparently."

"WHY YOU-" Ed rushed at Alucard who caught him by the forehead, easily holding him away. Ed swung at him anyway, undeterred by the fact that his arms weren't long enough, or the fact that he was making an ass out of himself.

Alucard cackled insanely, enjoying the antics of the blonde. "Yes keep going! I'm sure you'll hit me eventually!"

Ed growled up at him, grabbing instead onto the arm holding onto his head. Alucard's laughter didn't falter, even as his arm was twisted and beaten upon until a crack rent the air and the limb bent in an impossible way.

"HOLY SHIT!" Ed immediately let go of the appendage in his grasp, watching as it swung awkwardly. "I didn't mean to do that! (even though you deserved it)."

Alucard just smiled at him, holding his battered arm up to make sure Ed could see it. With another crack, the broken bone pulled itself back together, healing it as if it'd never been broken. He flexed his fingers in the stunned alchemist's face.

"How did you-"

"Oh Mr. Al-che-mist."

Ed started, having momentarily forgotten where they where. He turned to face the speaker. "Truth."

The white humanoid being smiled toothily at them, hands on his hips.

Alucard just stared at the thing, halfway convinced it was a product of his imagination despite having just heard Ed address it.

"Come for your brother?"

Ed nodded.

"Ah, and what will you exchange in order to pull a whole person out of here?"

Before Ed could reply, Alucard cut him off, interrupting them. "What the fuck are you supposed to be, the fairy godmother of chalk outlines?" Although the thing didn't have eyes, he took the way it moved it's head to mean that it was now looking at him.

"What? No. No no."

"Right. I'm not so sure I believe you."

Ed, by now, was failing miserably to stifle his snickering.

Truth's smile faltered, looking between the two of them before again fixing on Alucard. "I am what you would call 'The Universe', Or maybe 'God', or even 'Truth'."

Alucard whistled, seemingly impressed.

Truth cast a glance around their surroundings before continuing. "How interesting Mr. Vam-pi-re, it seems you don't have a gate."

Alucard cocked an eyebrow and looked back over his shoulder at the large concrete door looming over them. "Hm. Fine by me. After all," He turned back to Truth. "Where would I put it?"

Truth scowled at the Nosferatu's cheekiness, before again ignoring him. "Well Mr. Al-che-mist?"

Ed chocked down the last of his laughter. "What?"

"Your toll."


They both turned to look at the vampire, who was eyeing up the white being before him.

"No? I don't think you realize how this works."

"Probably not. But then, I've never been one to do things as they're supposed to be done." The look Alucard gave Truth was bone chilling, his smile all teeth. He moved forward until he was standing directly in front of the guardian, leering down at him.

"Alucard…" Ed wasn't sure who he should warn to be careful, Alucard, or Truth.

Quick as a flash Alucard's hand shot out and grabbed Truth by the throat, easily lifting him up so the two were face to face. Had Truth had eyes, they would've been wide as dinner plates. "Now, since you seem to be so keen on making deals…" He tightened his grip. "Let's make one."

"Alucard! Don't kill him! At least not till I can get Al out of here!" Ed thumped Alucard on the arm for good measure, probably to make sure the Nosferatu had heard him.

Alucard looked momentarily over at the alchemist at his side before returning his attention to Truth. "I'll make this simple. Give the kid his brother back, and I won't tear you limb from limb."


Alucard clamped his free hand over Ed's mouth, effectively shutting him up. He ignored the squirming and muffled protests. "Deal?"

Truth was speechless. Although whether it was from seeing the way the two of them interacted, or from Alucard's grip cutting off his windpipe was hard to say. Alucard shook him slightly, loosening his grip just in case that was the problem. "Well?"

Truth's grin slid jerkily back into place. "I think not." His hands clamped around the red clad arm. As his fingers tightened, Alucard's pupils contracted, semi-psychotic grin dominating his face.

Ed looked on as Alucard began to laugh, the sound echoing through his skull.

The white being was unceremoniously dropped, landing awkwardly. The Nosferatu's laughter ebbed away until it was little more than a hum in his chest. "How interesting…" Alucard pulled his lips back in a mock-smile, teeth glinting in the peculiar lighting.

Ed watched his companion rub absently at his wrist, unease snaking it's way up his spine. He'd seen that look enough to know it never meant anything good. Ever.

Both Truth and Ed could practically hear the gears turning in Alucard's mind.

"What did you say your name was?" Crimson eyes were fixated on the thing, hungry and calculating.

"Why don't you ask the al-che-mist hm?"

Oh so slowly Alucard's gaze shifted. Ed froze, his fight or flight instinct demanding he flee from the man that was the predator to his prey. He smothered it best he could, momentarily causing his eye to twitch from the effort. "He's Truth. Well, sort of." He jammed a thumb back towards the large door. "In there is the knowledge of alchemy, of life and the world. The Truth. He's sort of like, the gatekeeper or something. He takes your toll, and in exchange gives you knowledge."

Alucard's gaze shifted to the Gate of Truth, then back to the being Truth. Thoughts of toll booths came unbidden to his mind. "So you're the guy in the booth that spends his day doling out change and pushing a button."

If Truth had had an actual face, he would have looked quite bewildered, such things not having been invented yet in Ed's(and thus his) world. He opened his mouth to question the weird statement, but Alucard continued before he got the chance.

"And yet.." The corners of his mouth curled upward, the thought going unfinished. Instead, he bent slightly, beginning to invade Truth's personal space. "These….tolls of yours, what are they?" The words came out in a silky purr, his face now mere inches from that of the shorter being's.

Truth didn't back away, and Ed wondered if the 'all-knowing' being really was all knowing. After all, it'd taken him less than an hour to realize that if Alucard got up in your face like that, you should run far, far away.

"To know Truth is to know despair."

The effect the words were meant to have were lost on the vampire. "That, is not a valid answer. So come now, I do not wish to play games. How many quarters for the kid, hm?"

Truth (not knowing what a quarter was) didn't answer. However this didn't seem to bother Alucard too terribly much.

"Or perhaps you have some backwater bartering system? If so, I can give you something far more valuable then a shiny bit of tin. Especially being that I do not, in fact, have any of those worthless trinkets."

At this point Ed found himself utterly lost as to what his red-clad companion was on about. Truth, however, seemed to get the gist of it, a light laugh escaping it's toothy grin.

"What have you in mind Mr. Vam-pi-re?"

Alucard straightened, his grin growing knowing he'd piqued the thing's curiosity. "A trade. One life for many."

"Alucard! You can't-" Ed's voice died in his throat as the crimson gaze leapt to him, irises alight with their own internal fire.

"You would willingly give yourself for the boy hm?" Truth laughed, a sound that sent a shiver down Ed's spine, drawing the attention of eyes of both blood and gold.

Alucard flashed a feral grin, raising his hands. "All the lives inside me for one little boy, is that not a fair trade?"

Truth raised his own hands, mimicking Alucard's stance. The too white, toothy grin grew until it dominated the unnatural face. "If you are sure, Mr. Vam-pi-re, then so be it."

Alucard lowered his head, hair throwing most of his face into shadow. His grin twitched, and Ed noted that he seemed to have far more canines than previously. "Good."

The single word sent both terror and elation racing through the blonde, his gaze whipping between the two creatures. Part of him didn't think it a fair trade, but the other part of him, well…Alucard was more than apt at taking care of himself, and if the man was going to willingly give himself over….Ed fixed his gaze firmly on Truth, who was now watching him.

"Back door's over there, Mr. Al-che-mist." Truth jammed a thumb over his shoulder, laughter barely concealed in the eerie voice.

Without a word Ed moved past Truth, and as he did he found his gaze met with one he hadn't seen in years. "Alphonse!" He walked swiftly over to the emaciated form of his brother, who was looking up at him with curiosity.

"Brother! Who…" Alphonse's gaze flicked to where Ed knew the vampire to be still standing.

Pulling the boy gently to his feet, Ed glanced back over his shoulder at the man who he owed so much. Alucard's upper face was still obscured, a single red pinprick throwing it's glow between strands of unruly hair. Hair, Ed noted, that was a lot longer than it had been not ten seconds ago.

Alucard acknowledged the look with a slight widening of his grin. "Good bye, Edward Elric."

The lips never moved, but Ed heard him none the less, nodding in return. "Good bye Alucard. And…Thank you." He turned back to Alphonse, who had a somewhat bewildered look on his face.


"Come on Al, lets get the hell out of here." Ed pulled his brother gently towards the gate, which had opened as they'd been talking. Al clung to him for support, throwing glances back towards the man that was his toll.

Alucard watched them go in silence, knowing full well that for all appearances, he'd overpaid, by quite a bit. However, he saw the situation in a far different light. As the gateway began to close, he turned his attention back to the thing before him. When Truth looked back at him, the grin he'd been sporting faltered. "Shall we…discuss the terms of my stay?"

Before the doors shut completely and the light consumed him, Ed threw one last look back at the monster he'd come to call 'friend.'

"What the-"

The space behind them that had once been blinding white was now filled to the brim with roiling shadows. Dozens of eerie red eyes gazed back at him, a sound like the screaming of the wind reaching his ears. Fear, cold as ice, soaked his spine and settled in the pit of his stomach. Before the gate doors could close completely, eerie laughter snaked it's way through to him, confirming his suspicions.

The gate closed with a grating sound, and the world behind him began warming his limbs as it grew closer. He could feel his grip on conscious thought slipping as the world began building itself around he and Al.


Ed gaped as warmth flooded him and alchemy sparked around them, signaling their imminent return from the void. Slowly his mind put it's self back together, and he managed to push aside his utter disbelief long enough to answer Alphonse. "I think he just ate Truth."


In the darkness that was now the Void, Alucard grinned.


Hopefully the ending lived up to the rest of the fic, seeing as how it didn't get written until like, a month after the rest of the fic. oh well, c'est la vie, and all that, yea?

yon, and forward! what? Ha...

deadpan riot