Spongebob Sailor Mouth Uncensored

Setting #1 The Krusty Krab

Mr. Krabs: "It's the worst time of the day again (cries) closing time."

Spongebob: "Well, see you in the A.M. Mr. Krabs!"

Mr. Krabs: "Hold on there Spongebob. Take that piece of filth out with ya."

Spongebob: "Mr. Krabs! You shouldn't talk about Squidward like that!"

Squidward: (holding a garbage bag) "He means this filth you dunce!"

(Spongebob goes outside to the dumpster)

Spongebob: "Dumpster writing! The voice of the people." "Krabs is a... Hmmm? Krabs is a mother fucker?"

Garbage Man: "Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

Spongebob: "Sometimes but not recently."

Patrick: "Hey, Spongebob!"

Spongebob: "Patrick do you know what this word means?"

Patrick: "Hmm... (slowly) Krabs... Hey, isn't he that red sweaty dick you work for?"

Spongebob: "Not that word. (points slightly offscreen) That word."

Patrick: "Fuck?" "Hey I know what that means! That's one of those sentence enhancers!"

Spongebob: "Sentence enhancers?"

Patrick: "Ya use 'em if ya wanna talk fancy. Just sprinkle 'em over anything you say and WAMMO! You've got yourself a spicy sentence sandwich."

Spongebob: "Oh I get it! Let me try. Hey Patrick, lovely fucking day today isn't it?"

Patrick: "Why, yes, Spongebob. This fucking day is particularly fucking lovely."

Spongebob: "How fucking right you are Patrick!"

Patrick: "Fuck you!"

Spongebob: "Mother fucker!"

Spongebob: "You're right, Patrick! My lips are tingling from the spiciness of this conversation!"

Patrick: "Mine to!"

Spongebob (laughs) "It tingles when I laugh!"

The next day. Setting #1 The Krusty Krab

Spongebob: "Hey everyone! Nice fucking day we're having eh?

Man: (gasps) "Did he just say…?"

Pirate: "Aye, he did."

Spongebob: "Hi Patrick! How the fuck are you?"

Patrick: "Pretty fucking good Spongebob!"

Old Man: "I thought this was a restaurant not a gutter mouth convention!"

Spongebob: (over loudspeaker) "Attention everyone! Today's special is a fucking krabby patty served in a greasy fucking sauce and grilled to fucking perfection. And don't forget to ask us to fuck the fries. It'll be our fucking pleasure!"

(all the customers have a shocked look on their faces)

(Squidward walks by)

Spongebob: "Oh hi Squidward! How the fuck are you?"

Man: "I don't understand that guy's talented he doesn't have to work blue!"

Woman: "Let's go somewhere more family oriented!"

(customers storming out of the restaurant)


Mr. Krabs: "Huh? (screams) The Krusty Krab! She's empty!"

(Krabs runs out of the bathroom)

Mr. Krabs: "All hands on deck! Brace the cash registers! Break out the happy snacks! Squidward! Who is responsible for this horror?"

Squidward: "Apparently these two barnacle mouth brothers just learned a new word. And Spongebob just said it over the intercom."

Mr. Krabs: "What, what is it?"

Squidward: "Ummm… (whispers)"

Mr. Krabs: "Huh?"

Squidward: (whispers)


Spongebob: "But Mr. Krabs we were only using our sentence enhancers."

Patrick: "Yeah, it's fancy talk."

Mr. Krabs: "There aint nothing fancy about that word!"

Spongebob: "You mean fuck?"

Mr. Krabs: "Yes! That one! Now quit saying that it's a bad word!"

Spongebob and Patrick: "Bad word?" (brushing tongues)

Mr. Krabs: "Yes siree that's bad word #11. In fact there are 13 bad words that you should never ever use."

Squidward: "Don't you mean there are only 7?"

Mr. Krabs: "Not if you're a sailor (laughs)"

Spongebob: "13."

Patrick: "That's a lot of fucking bad words."

Mr. Krabs: "You guys better promise not to use #11 or any of the 13 bad words."

Spongebob and Patrick: "We promise!"

Setting #2 Spongebob's house

Spongebob: "I'm so glad Mr. Krabs told us that word we were using was a bad word."

Patrick: "Me too. Because classy sophisticates like us should not stain our lips with cursing."

Spongebob: "Yay merrily. Now let's play a nice wholesome game of eels and escalators."

Patrick: "Yay my turn. WOO HOO! Escalators! (laughs) up up up!"

Spongebob: "Come on. Escalators escalators escalators. (sighs) eels."

Patrick "My turn. Yay! Escalators."

Spongebob: "Come on. Escalators escalators escalators. (sighs) eels again."

Patrick: "Esssceeeeeeeelaaaaators! This is your last chance Spongebob. If you get eels again you lose."

Spongebob: (angrily) "ESCALATORS ESCALATORS ESCALATORS! Ha! Escalators!"

(Dice turn over)

Patrick: "Eels."

Spongebob: "Fuck!"

Patrick: "Ooh! You said #11!"

Spongebob: "I didn't mean to Patrick. What I meant to say was…. Some things just slip out. You gotta understand!"

Patrick: "Don't worry Spongebob I understand. MR. KRABS! MR. KRABS! MR. KRABS!"

(Patrick runs away, Spongebob runs after him.)

Spongebob: "No Patrick! Please don't tell!"

Patrick: "But you said fuck!"

Spongebob: "Aha! Now I get to tell on you too."

Patrick: "Oh no you don't!"

(Patrick falls behind and hitches a ride on an ice cream truck)

Patrick: "See you at the Krusty Krab Spongebob (laughs)!"

(Ice cream truck goes in a different direction and Spongebob barges in to the Krusty Krab)

Spongebob: "Mr. Krabs Mr. Krabs Mr. Krabs!"

Mr. Krabs: "What? What? What?"

Spongebob: "Patrick! Patrick! Patrick!"

Mr. Krabs: "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

Spongebob: "He said. He said. He said."

Mr. Krabs: "Just tell me what's going on lad!

Spongebob: "Let's just say Patrick said a certain word that you said he shouldn't say and this particular word happens to be #11 in a list of 13 words that you said shouldn't be said."

Mr. Krabs: "Right what was that part about the uh… Who now?"

Patrick: "Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs!"

Mr. Krabs: (sighs)

Spongebob and Patrick: (overlapping arguments)

(Mr. Krabs grabs Spongebob and Patrick's lips)

Mr. Krabs: "Now I'm going to let go of your lips. And when I do I want you to calmly tell me what you need to tell me! Understand?"

Spongebob and Patrick: (both pointing at eachother) "He said fuck!"

Mr. Krabs: (shrieks) "Do my ears deceive me? You two should be ashamed! Time to take out the trash!"

(Mr. Krabs grabs Spongebob and Patrick and puts them outside)

Mr. Krabs: "You two stay right here. I'll be right back!"

Patrick: "What's gonna happen to us?"

Spongebob: "We'll probably get 40 lashes."

Patrick: "Oh no!"

Spongebob: "Mr. Krabs was right there's no need for words like that. From now on will be good clean citizens. Just like good old Mr. Krabs!"

Patrick: "Me too Spongebob."

Mr. Krabs: "Alright you two. You're gonna give the Krusty Krab a fresh coat of paint from top to bottom."

(Mr. Krabs stubs his toe)

Mr. Krabs: "Damn! My fucking foot! What shitty wanker would put a douche rock in a nigger path! Can't you see I got a cocked foot here! Boner cunt bitch bastard whore ass!"

Spongebob: "1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12… (gasps) That's all 13 Patrick! We're gonna tell your mom Mr. Krabs!"

Mr. Krabs: "No please! Not my mommy!"

(Spongebob and Patrick run away Mr. Krabs runs after them)

Mr. Krabs: "No wait! Please don't tell me mother! I don't think her poor old heart could take it!"

Spongebob and Patrick: "Momma Krabs! Momma Krabs!"

Momma Krabs: "Why, hello boys!"

Spongebob and Patrick: "Mr. Krabs he yelled damn and then he talked about a wanker putting a douche rock in a nigger path and then he screamed at the top of his voice: boner cunt bitch bastard whore ass. It was such a scream of fucking shit that I have never heard in my days."

Momma Krabs: "Oh dear! My poor old heart!" (faints)

Mr. Krabs: "Oh mother. What have these foul mouthed demons done to you? You two should be ashamed! Making an old lady faint with your sailor talk!"

Momma Krabs: "You should all be ashamed! If you're gonna talk like sailors then you're going to work like sailors!"

(Momma Krabs makes Spongebob and Patrick paint the side of her house)

Momma Krabs: "Would you boys care for a glass of lemonade? (laughs)"

(Stubbs toe)

Momma Krabs: "My (horn honks) foot!"

Mr. Krabs: "Mother!"

Momma Krabs: "What? It's old man Jenkins in his jalopy."

Old man Jenkins: "Howdy Mrs. K!"

(All laughing)