Disclaimer, A/N and all that jazz: We don't own Naruto... or any of it's characters... but if we did, you'd be wishing for the old "plot" back! Boring and introductory chapter is boring and introductory. Tatsuya and Kyouki aren't canon characters, hence why their appearances have more description (which implies that much describing went on ¬.¬) yadda yadda... there's no real reason why Kakuzu is in this chapter but... anyway!
Once upon a time, there was a man named Kakuzu. He gave out 'financial advice' to different organisations for the not so small fee of 1,000,000ryo an hour. And as it just so happened, on the one day that Kisame Hoshigaki and Zabuza Momochi decided to take up a mission together, leaving their slightly less mentally stable comrades behind, Kakuzu found himself advising the somewhat notorious organisation knows as the Seven Ninja Swordsmen of the Hidden Mist.
There are many things you should never assume about an organisation of professional serial killers and quite high on that list of things is that their base of operations will always be spotlessly clean. However, there is a huge difference between being scrupulously clean and displaying such a lack of hygiene skills that it is almost impossible to see the entrance to your own home through the masses of discarded electrical appliances and various other things, that would have appeared to have accumulated over many years. However, as far as Kakuzu was concerned, the location was of little importance, just so long as he got paid he would be able to leave as a somewhat content man.
Although, after searching for several minutes and not finding the entrance, but instead a small, scrawny looking boy with glasses and pale blue hair, any rational person would assume that the sensible thing to do would be to stop and ask someone who knew the place better. However, just from the sight of the boy, Kakuzu had his doubts about whether he actually belonged in the organisation or not, and so settled for the simple question of, "who are you?"
"I...I...I'm C-Choujuurou...?" the boy stuttered out in response, the sheer depth of Kakuzu's voice enough to make him tremble with fear. Of course, it was of little help that Choujuurou's height, or lack thereof, meant that whether Kakuzu had the intention of being intimidating or not, he was looming over the boy in a rather menacing manner.
Had his face been visible through the mask, it would have been clear that Kakuzu was giving the boy a very disgusted look as he asked his second question, "And are you a member of the Seven Swordsmen of the Hidden Mist?"
If he had been talking to anyone else, Choujuurou would have managed to stutter out a simple 'yes' or at least manage to give a shallow nod. However, the fact that there was not one aspect of Kakuzu's physical appearance, nor his personality that did not terrify Choujuurou to his very core meant that the poor boy was left with no other option than to put his tail between his legs and run as far away as he could. As a ninja, Kakuzu was not at all uncomfortable with the concept of following someone, however in his honest opinion this 'Choujuurou' really wasn't the kind of person who could lead him to anything valuable. And so, in a last and somewhat futile attempt to find the entrance, Kakuzu looked up to the roof, and it was there that he saw a skylight. Taking an almighty leap, Kakuzu jumped and landed on the roof, after brushing the dust off his clothes Kakuzu walked over to the skylight, opened it and jumped through out. Landing heavily on the floor with a loud 'thump'.
"...and he was staring at me, Mangetsu. He tried to get me...There he is, that's him! HE'S COME BACK FOR ME!" Choujuurou stuttered out to a slightly older and extremely unimpressed looking man.
"Just...just take him, eh" Mangetsu replied, his horribly fake Canadian accent was fairly easy to hear through the monotonous tone he had put on. He pushed a few strands of off-white hair out of his purple eyes as he spoke, as some form of subconscious attempt to make people notice what were – in his opinion, his strikingly beautiful features. And credit where credit is due, he was rather pretty for someone with a snaggletooth.
Although he was never really one for profanity, that was one offer Kakuzu really would have loved to tell this man where to shove. However, his reply would have certainly been drowned out by what was going on, slightly to the left of him.
"YOU, WOMAN. CLEAN THIS MESS UP RIGHT NOW!" A tanned man, with shoulder-length hair such an odd shade of purple that there was almost no question it had come straight out of a bottle, and eyes so orange that you would easily pass them off as the symptom of some rare, yet extremely deadly tropical disease – yelled at a younger woman, who merely stood there with her arms folded and her eyes shut, leaning against the wall as if she had gone completely deaf and couldn't hear him.
"...no. Go to hell, Tatsuya." the girl replied, not even bothering to open her eyes. Although it was probably better that she didn't, as her appearance was slightly more unusual than the man's. Her skin being so deathly pale that it just reaffirmed the whole disease theory, and her hair so long and wavy that it was not at all practical for a ninja, not to mention that its bizarre greenish colour gave it the appearance of seaweed.
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN NO? AS LONG AS KISAME AND ZABUZA ARE GONE, I'M IN CHARGE HERE! CLEAN IT UP! NOW."
"I don't see why you're so insistent on making Kyouki clean it up, eh." Mangetsu, turned his attention from Kakuzu to the purple-haired man, who was now giving him a murderous glare. "Half the garbage we're buried in at the moment is the result of your last temper tantrum, eh."
Kakuzu cleared his throat loudly, attempting to get their attention. However, whatever effect this had was overshadowed, by the high-pitched, effeminate scream that Tatsuya let out.
"Wh-who are you?" Tatsuya yelled, trying to reassert himself as being the alpha male after his scream had probably pushed his position on the ranking even lower down than Choujuurou.
"You should know, you invited me here..."
"Oh, I remember now!" Tatsuya replied, a flicker appearing in his eyes that made him look even more demonic than he previously had... everyone was sure the correct term to describe it would be 'insanity'. "MANGETSU, SCRAPE CHOUJUUROU OFF YOUR SHOULDER!
"Tatsuya... what have you done?" The woman – who Kakuzu had assumed by a process of elimination was Kyouki, asked. Opening her eyes in order to shoot Tatsuya a rather worried glance, and reveal that she had such a case of heterochromia that whatever this disease was, she was definitely suffering it worse than anyone else.
"I invited Mr Kakuzu here to give us ideas on how to save money!"
"Mr Kakuzu...?" She repeated in a ever so slightly horrified tone, narrowing her eyes as she spoke.
"But...why, eh?" Mangetsu asked, although he felt that no reason Tatsuya would give him would ever justify the five minutes he had just spent with Choujuurou crying on his shoulder.
"Because I was using my initia...inish...My brain!"
"We should give him credit for knowing how to use something so small." Kyouki muttered to Mangetsu.
"Yeah, if only the same thing could be said for his other small things, eh..."
"OH, VERY FUNNY. NOW SHUT UP AND RESPECT MY AUTHORITY!"
Half an Hour Later
Tatsuya, Choujuurou and Mangetsu were still sat on the floor listening to Kakuzu's rant. Choujuurou, sobbing silently whilst hiding behind a blank faced Mangetsu. Tatsuya, on the other hand, looked delighted...probably because he had earlier suggested that perhaps Choujuurou would be more comfortable if he felt that Kakuzu was like Santa, and that in order to better express that idea, Kyouki would have to sit on Kakuzu's knee. Now of course, he was highly amused by Kyouki's blatant distress.
"...although – back in my day – money was worth a lot more..." Still continuing his talk which was now so far off topic he probably didn't even know his own name any more, Kakuzu shifted slightly
"and another thing, that Konan she's always wasting money! I hate Konan so much. Blue isn't even her natural hair colour and she's an orphan! I hate orphans... they're always whining. Stupid whipper-snappers..."
"Who's Konan?" Choujuurou asked in a low whisper just praying he wouldn't incur the wrath of Kakuzu.
"Does it matter, eh?" Mangetsu replied. "He's pretty much proved he's completely senile anyway, eh."
Just then, the doors at the other side of the room burst open, revealing Kisame and Zabuza, who to everyone save for Tatsuya, seemed like a beacon of hope.
"...IT ISN'T FUNNY AND YOU KNO-" Zabuza paused half way through his sentence.
"What. The. Hell." Kisame said slowly, standing next to Zabuza, who immediately turned the blame on Tatsuya.
"What have you done?"
"TYPICAL ZABUZA 'I'M A DICK, SO I'M GOING TO BLAME YOU FOR THIS' WELL I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG!" Tatsuya yelled in his defence.
Kakuzu got up slowly and using his stealth skills (which amongst this people, really just required tiptoeing) walked to the door, trying to leave under cover of the chaos Tatsuya was making. He dragged (a now blank) Kyouki with him.
"Uhh, you know we kind of need to keep her" Kisame – who was still stood in the doorway – said , grabbing Kyouki's arm. However, the instant he looked up Kakuzu had completely disappeared. "Jesus, we're such bad ninja..."
"Kisame... will you... let go of my arm... ?...you know … so I can collapse..."
"Oh, sure thing..." he released his grip on Kyouki's shoulder, causing her to immediately fall down on her knees.
"Not that I'm complaining or anything, but why are you two back so early, eh?" Asked Mangetsu, the only person (with the exception of Tatsuya, who doesn't really count) who wasn't still in shock after their encounter with Kakuzu.
"It's a long story." Zabuza replied bluntly, clearly still raging after his argument with Tatsuya.
"We didn't finish the mission" Kisame sighed "Zabuza had a little problem..."