AN: I wanted to 'experiment' with my writing. [:

This is full of firsts for me. First time writing ff in a while, first PJO fic, and first slash fic.

That's not overwhelming at all... O.O

I'd suggest listening to 'Animal' by Neon Trees while reading this. [:

"I love you." You let the three words slip as he doing unexplainable wonderful things to your body.

He freezes and you curse yourself for being so stupid. You wish you could go back to last summer and stop him when he pressed you against a random cabin, mumbling something about 'experimenting' and crushing his lips to yours, making you question everything you've ever known. You wish you would have had the strength to push him away. You wish you wouldn't have crumbled beneath him, letting him have his way with you. That way you never would've gotten so attached. He's still gaping when you dare to open your eyes and look at him. You close your eyes (Or is it wincing? You're not exactly sure) and shadow travel your ass out of there. You hear a soft 'Wait...' but it's probably just wishful thinking.

You seem to do a lot of that lately;wish. Wishing that you wouldn't feel this way. Wishing that you wouldn't be so damn emotion and such a pussy. Wishing that you could just enjoy fucking like every other single guy on the planet! Wishing that Aphrodite wasn't so cruel and you know that she can't punish you for that one because she's already done enough. By making you get fucking attached and even worse attached to someone. Someone's who's not you. Someone who's blonde hair and gray eyes and curves. And utterly and absolutely feminine. And you have to wonder if he likes that so fucking much why the fuck he is blowing your brains out every other night but then his lips are on yours and all you can think is More and that you never want it to end. But it does end because he always goes back to her and you know that he'll always go back to her. So to prevent getting too attached (which didn't work out for you anyway) you leave. There's no sleeping sleeping together or cuddling. Because you're gone as soon as it's done. To prevent yourself from saying or doing something completely fucking stupid and yet, you still managed to do that anyway. So, this this time when you go and say something that ruins possibly the best thing that's ever happened to you. As fast as you can. As far away as you can. You end up using all of your energy and passing out on some island in the Caribbean.

It's June, three months since you were a total fucking dipshit, and you're at camp. You hope he won't there and you know that he will. It's proven when you're slammed into yet another cabin and his lips are on yours. "Why'd you...go..." He says between kissed. "Missed..." "... you." He pulls you even closer and you just completely fucking melt under his touch and you hate yourself for it. And you hate him for making you do it. You want to pull him closer, even though it's nearly impossible considering his given proximity, but instead use all the strength to have to push him away. His eyebrows scrunch up and he has the most fucking adorable look on his face. And you hate yourself even more for thinking that. You walk away.

You see them the next day. Smiling, and laughing, and kissing and you feel absolutely disgusted.

But not at them, at yourself. You feel dirty, and pathetic, and used. You feel even worse when you realize you actually like it, being used. And if it's even possible you hate yourself even more.

But the moment you're absolutely sure you can't hate yourself anymore, he proves you wrong.

He's in your cabin begging you with those fucking eyes. Saying that he'll break up with her and that he absolutely hates this and the only person he wants is you. Only you.

You feel yourself nod and move closer to him. Your lips meet and that's when you realize you no longer just hate. You utterly despise yourself. Because you move closer to even though you know his promises are empty.

The next day you see her. And it's not hate, or despise, it's abhor.

And once again it's not aimed towards him. Or her.

Because she's crying.

And you know why.

Three hours later you see each other and he comes up and leans in and whispers into your ear.

"I love you."

And at that moment you start to become whole again.

AN: That was so effing OOC wasn't it? I don't even know! I haven't read PJO in such a long time. [I haven't even read the last book yet./:] So if it is...sorry. )':

Hope you liked it!(: If not...well then go eat a cupcake! Because then you'd be happy. (:

Unless you're like me...and don't like cupcakes... or pie … or cake...well you could have some... macaroni and cheese! Because let's face it, who doesn't love macaroni and cheese? [:

Macaroni, macaroni, mac & cheese. Three times daily, pretty please![:

[If you know what that's from tell me in your review and I'll dedicate my next PJO fic to you. :]

(If you want it. I'm not entirely sure if people will like it so I don't know if I'll post it. It has Percabeth, Thalico, and Tratie in it and there will be some Percy/Nico bonding. :P Like Merlin! :D But without all the slashy subtext. Just bondage. :)