Author's Note: First off, the rating for this will change to M in a couple of chapters. I'd been debating on posting this as a one-shot or multi-chaptered, but since I'm still tweaking a couple later parts I figured multi-chapter works best. I'll probably post the next chapter fairly soon. As always, reviews are love. Enjoy!
Ting-ting – the sound woke Rachel with a start. She glanced over at her phone that was lying on the pillow next to her and saw that there was a text message. Looking over at her clock on her nightstand she realized that it was 3 a.m. Who in the heck is text messaging me at this hour, she wondered. Groggily, she grabbed her phone and hit the button to make the screen light up again.
She gasped and dropped her phone when she saw who the message was from and what it said. Jesse St. James had just sent her a text message. It was at a moment like this where Rachel regretted not deleting his number from her phone back in the Spring after they'd broken up in spectacular fashion. Santana had asked why she still had his number after what had happened between her and Jesse, but she just couldn't explain it.
At the beginning of the school year when she'd sent Sunshine to that crack house simply because she had the potential to take Rachel's spotlight, she'd almost given in and called him just to talk to someone who would understand why she did it. Out of everyone, he was the only one that she could think of that could relate to her that way. The thought had crossed Rachel's mind that maybe she could forgive him for what he did after all. That maybe they were more alike in ways that she had never even imagined. That maybe, just maybe, if she had been in the same position as Jesse that she might have chosen her team over him and egged him in front of everyone.
As she had looked down at his number on her phone that night, hot tears had welled up in her eyes and the lump in her throat had choked back the sob that she didn't even realize had been building. So instead of hitting the call button, Rachel had thrown her phone at the ground and smashed it in hopes that his number and any urges to get in touch with him would die with it. But the very next day, when her dads had taken her to get her replacement phone she plugged his number into her phone again. She knew it by heart. She'd known it by heart after the first time that they met.
She wasn't sure what it said about her that she knew Jesse's number by heart still and yet could only ever remember a part of Finn's number. Rachel thought back to that night where she'd almost called Jesse and wondered why she would even want to talk to him after all that he'd done to her. How could she have wanted to forgive him if he hadn't even asked for her forgiveness?
Rachel looked down at her phone again and read the words – I miss you – and wondered what had possessed Jesse to send something like this to her after all this time. She started to feel the anger rise in her chest as she thought about what he could've sent. Why not I'm sorry or I was a jackass, forgive me or LA will never have what NY has. Why I miss you? It was unfair. How did he expect her to react after she'd heard nothing from him in months?
She typed out the first words that came to mind and sat staring at them for a moment. Her finger hovered over her screen where the send button was and a war waged inside of her for a moment. She highly doubted that he would respond to her if she sent it, but the practical side of Rachel reminded her that was the point. Before she could change her mind, her finger hit the blue send button. She sat there and watched as the little send bar filled up with green and eventually said sent.
She stared blankly at the phone for a moment, reading and re-reading the text she'd just sent.
I hate you
Curled up in a ball, she clutched her phone and silently willed a response message to pop up. Tears fell down her cheeks and onto her pillow as she cried silently. This was what she had wanted so she didn't know why she was crying. She had just started to fall back asleep when her phone sounded again and vibrated in her hand. Opening her eyes, she looked at the screen.
All it said was – I know.