Your eyes. Your enormous, paradoxical eyes of deep jade. Flashed open in an ungodly way, face a mask of agony rocking back and forth upon the water surface. Tired mind tries to remember. Why did it come to this...?
But, then again, I am quite unsure about what "this" may refer to; you are limp, silent, and a weird feeling that I am all alone despite your presence is starting to suffocate every trace of logic left within my head. Strangely enough, some minutes ago everything made perfect sense, and yet now it's all a massive blur. Why am I saying all this to you? Why aren't you responding in any way?
Okay. No need to panic. Maybe if I finish my narration every missing detail will eventually come to the surface, and this is what I intend to do; after all, we are a couple, and couples are supposed to share stuff, aren't they?
So, as I said before...we kissed, and after that my life became very peculiar, poignant and exhausting in an unexplainable and unsettling way. All I knew was that I loved you, I loved you, I loved you -I loved your eyes, your petite figure, the erratic clothing you wore, the way your right hand waltzed upon the paper when you drew, the tiny mark above your left eyebrow when you frowned, your everything. So much so, that my heart ached merely at the sight of your smile.
Soon after that came a strange feeling of incompleteness, of paralyzing worry that something might happen to you when we're apart. Found myself craving to protect you from the world, and yet so unable to do so. Caring about someone that was not me. Virtualy dying of unhingement whenever you were a little late for our rendezvous.
Then, a sheer dread that deprived me of my sleep. A perfectly normal, endlessly charismatic girl and a half-mad android -a couple! What if my true identity came to surface? Sooner or later, I would have to follow you in the world of the living, meet your family, your friends. Prove that I was a real person with a real life to the society I hated and feared, using my nonexistent skills... soon my true identity, my unnatural roots would be revealed, and then you'd be appaled, and repulsed, and dissappointed, and-
...I would lose you. And losing you without being able to die afterwards -that would be infinitely excruciating.
All I knew was that I hated you, I hated you, I hated you -I hated your eyes, your petite figure, the erratic clothing you wore, the way your right hand waltzed upon the paper when you drew, the tiny mark above your left eyebrow when you frowned, your everything. Hated it all for it was making me suffer worse than I'd suffered for countless eons before.
...After all, people in my memory were evil, heartless -how could I believe you weren't? You'd just go away when your forever was over, anyway. Like all of them eventually did.
And like this weeks came by, time flowing as slow as syrup. Like this came tonight. Tonight...
Tonight started like every other night, full of discussions, laughter, full of the happiness you generously provided me. And yet -I was unable to enjoy it. The more time we shared, the more those terrible thoughts haunted me, the more an unpleasant feeling flooded the heart, pumped through the veins like venom.
I knew this all was doomed to end -couldn't hide forever, of course. Doomed to lose you. Doomed to lose my love, my life, my world.
Suddenly, my arms had surrounded your body, clenching you as tight as my muscles could manage.
"I love you", I whispered like a stalled robot, as though this was the last phrase left with which to defend myself. "I love you."
And then -just then-
...You laughed in a manner I couldn't decipher, and took my face in your most delicate of hands. We kissed. Until the air from our lungs was long gone. An unknown sentiment started to burn inside of me.
Before I could even become conscious of my actions, we were exploring each other in a way I had n-never imagined. Before I could tell, my hands were p-pulling your clothes off, lips abandoning your mouth to visit your neck, your shoulders, your torso... An unbearable longing set fire to my senses. Your fingers trying to unbutton my worn shirt almost s-scortched the skin.
Suddenly I -I was inside of you, bodies and souls interwined, palms trailing each other's back, p-pleasure too much for me to take. Mind and senses in overdrive, and my voice -weak, abated down to a mere whisper- chanted inanely the only word that mattered anymore: Amy.
Amy. My Amy. My dearest. My love.
Your man, your wave gazer... was not the one you had thought.
A few minutes later it was over, and the dim moonlight was showering the naked figures of a duo that insanely came together. The universe had melted to an incoherent mass of senses -the smooth grass lying underneath, the stars faint halos of light hanging from above, skin against skin, your heartbeat in my ear, drops of sweat glistening on your face, the repeated movement of your beautiful chest as we breathed seconds goodbye.
It was too much to handle. Not supposed to be happening.
Bound to end when you found out about me -and I didn't want it to.
Oh, my... Oh, my...!
I remember! I -I understand!
No, this can't be. I must be hallucinating again. But no -I should have known before, what with that frozen expression carved on your traits.
Speak to me, please... tell me I am wrong. I love you... I didn't -just tell me I didn't...
WHY ARE YOU SO SILENT? WHY? WHY?
Dreadful woman, is this your way of taking revenge? By staring at me petrified? By oscillating recurrently like a broken doll upon the water? Ask yourself, goddammit what else could I ever do to protect myself? I would lose you! I -
icouldn'tstandlosinganotherpersoncouldnstandwat ching y oucomeandgo forthisallwas to omuchfor met obear ilovedyouilovedyousomuchd-didn'tyouseeih adtodosomethingtostoptheachingwithinmyheart?youdle avemeyoudLEAVEMEALLALONEwhenyoufoundoutiwasafuckin gguna bloodyk illingmachinenotsupposed tohavefeeli ngsgoddamitandsoi clenchedmyfingersaroundyourneckyourbeautifulneckan d youscreamedandtearstumbleddownyourcheeksandaskedme whybuticouldn't r espondiwaschokingo n myowntearsiwascryingandcryingandcryingandscreaming becauseyouwerei npainandiloveyouiloveyou iloveyouandjustcouldntsandlosingyouihatedyouihated youihated youforthethingsyoudidto m yheartandjust tellme i didn't kill you
...i am tired. wish the world ends tonight so that we can both be stardust again. wish that i die tomorrow so that i neverforgetaboutyou. wish id ie tomorrowso that i can say with certainty
that i 'll love you forever