Disclaimer: The plot bunnies made me do it! Sue them!
Notes: This is dedicated to OTL-sama Precky for giving such a challenging prompt. Her prompt is "shapeshifter" with Prussia and Belarus as characters. Of course, where there's Prussia, there should be Gil-bird and Germany, and where there's Belarus, there should be Russia. So I just went on and played with them.
This is set in the UN headquarters or any other office building where the countries hold office. You get the point. It's in present times, but just for the heck of it, Prussia is still alive, and I still describe him as "Prussian."
This is my very first Hetalia fanfic so please be kind. For any factual errors, I offer my deepest apologies. They are intended.
The Early Gil-bird Gets the Worm
Gilbert Beilschmidt strutted down the corridor with happy spring to his step and a yellow chick perched promptly on his silver hair. His whistle is reminiscent of a horrible Maru Kaite Chikyuu rock rendition that made the already wary staff cringe in horror. Gil-bird, as the Prussian fondly called it, chirped along, adding a layer of terrible high-pitched notes that made the song even more unbearable.
The silver-haired former country apparently woke up on the right side of the bed, as the saying goes. He cheerfully greeted good morning to the harried aides that scurried off to do the bidding of their high-profile bosses. Or so it seems.
He cocked a curious eyebrow as one of the secretaries mumbled "goodmorningtoyoutoosir" at lightning speed without even looking up from her Blackberry. One of his co-countries must be having such an important emergency for the girl to practically do a hundred-meter dash down the hallway.
Gilbert shrugged, not bothering to look back and see the secretary issue the warning that the Prussian was far too happy for everybody's comfort. Instead, he thought about the wonders of that wonderful American invention called the Blackberry. Who knew that such an idiot of a country would have produced such a feat? Maybe it was invented by that Korean guy, but then again, he claims to have invented everything. But wasn't that China? He heard rumors that God created the earth and everything else was made in China. But Germany has the best engineers... Maybe those American capitalists stole the idea from his people. Of course! He was the one who invented the damn thing! Only an awesome being like him could spawn something as awesome as this so-called Blackberry. Why, he could conquer more than just several vital regions with that thing!
He laughed aloud, awesomely happy at himself for his awesome reasoning. Just for that, he decided that he should "visit" his brother and "grace" him with his awesome presence. He merrily skipped the remaining length of the corridor, Gil-bird bouncing along on his head.
Oh, it was such a good day, nothing to ruin his mood, his ego just boosted by his all-too-awesome logic, no papers to sign (only un-awesome little brothers do that) and only world meetings to ruin... That went out wrong, but Gilbert Beilschmidt could not be bothered with such thoughts. Not with vital regions to be conquered. Of course, that is if Canada wouldn't hit him with a hockey stick, or if England didn't surround himself with that black thing he calls tea, or if France didn't... well, France's vital regions are his weapons and that is if he hadn't used them against the Prussian already... Or if Russia kept that pipe away and that horrible liquid that could be mistaken for toilet cleaner-
"Ow! Watch where you're going if you don't want to surrender your vital regions-"
"You shall not talk about Mother Russia like that, da?"
The taller Russian stood from the floor, a rather creepy smile spreading across his lips as he looked down at the other silver-haired man who angrily rubbed his lower back. Fortunately, Gil-bird was safe from all harm as he chirped a few inches above Gilbert's hair.
"You bastard, you dare cross paths with my awesomeness?" Gilbert's red eyes gleamed irritably at the other man's rather insolent behavior towards him. The bastard didn't even apologize.
"As much as I would like to invite you to become one with Mother Russia, I'm afraid I must put it off. Goodbye." Ivan Braginsky stepped around the fuming Prussian.
"Hold on just a minute, Braginsky. I'm not done with you yet," Gilbert quickly sidestepped Ivan and planted his feet firmly stubbornly.
"I am not in the mood to play silly games Beilschmidt," a rather strange kol kol kol sound followed the Russian's statement. Any normal person would have rather died than hear that evil sound, but Gilbert passed it off as a mere cough.
Ivan tried to think of a way to push the Prussian off his way, mentally kicking himself for forgetting his trusty pipe. Unfortunately, he knew Gilbert too much to know that he can make true on his word of conquering vital regions. Not that he's scared, but there is a bigger horror to run away from other than the albino that so stubbornly blocked his path to safety.
"Oh but I'm not playing silly games, Braginsky," the Prussian smirked, enjoying the fact that he's making the other man uncomfortable.
"What is this rush anyway?" Gilbert demanded.
"...Uh, world meeting?" The Russian knew he wasn't going to get away with it, but he didn't care. He's in too deep with the Prussian already.
"That is the lamest excuse I have ever heard," Gilbert barked out a laugh.
"Let's just say that it's a world meeting, Bellschmidt," Ivan tried to sidestep the Prussian, but the other man was darn too quick for him. Must be that knight training centuries ago.
"Yeah, right. Still doesn't give you a right to trip all over my awesomeness." Gilbert crossed his arms like the insolent child he is.
"Do you not have anything else better to do? Like being lost and forgotten?" The taller man sighed exasperatedly. He hoped the insult would finally drive away the Prussian but discovered instead that it was to no avail.
Gilbert shrugged, "but that's the thing with being a former country. I can do whatever I like whenever I damn please. And right now, I am punishing you for pushing my awesome ass to the floor."
"How about you tell me what's going on, and I'll let you run off to wherever that 'world meeting' is?" the Prussian's smile grew impossibly wider.
Ivan's forced smile started to drop as he muttered a "."
"What's that?" Gilbert blinked. Wow, Russia spoke even faster than that idiot American. That's new.
"Natalia is after me because she wants to marry me and now I am running for my life!" Ivan squeaked, hands flying to his mouth as a scandalized look crossed his face.
"Natalia? Isn't she your sister?" Gilbert was honestly confused. Who marries his sister? Oh wait, he can think of some, but this is Russia.
"Yes!" Another squeak.
Gilbert cocked his head. There are several things amiss here, what with the hi-pitched noises the Russian was emitting and that horrible scandalized and panicked look. He was not accustomed to such a display of un-Russia-ness.
"I don't understand."
"Ofcourseyoudon'tunderstand! Youdon'!" Ivan's hands flew up and as quickly, he grabbed the hem of his scarf and tried to hide his reddening cheeks. If it wasn't for the fact that he's so afraid for his life when Natalia catches up with him, he would've have kicked himself for displaying such uncharacteristic actions and strangled the Prussian for being such an insolent bastard.
Gilbert blinked again. He looked up at the Russian and was almost moved by the tears that started to form around the other man's eyes and the growing pout. Almost.
"Look at the bright side, Braginsky. At least one country wants to be one with you," he slapped Ivan's arm cheekily.
"But that is by invitation only." Russia whined uncharacteristically. But of course, when Russia's on the subject of his sister, character is always taken over by survival.
"Oh c'mon, it's not as if she'll suddenly kill you in your sleep."
"You do not know that."
"She's your sister."
"And that makes a difference?"
"But she's such a quiet and innocent girl."
"You just snorted."
"You're just overreacting." Gilbert shrugged nonchalantly. It's just a girl. Big deal.
"AM I?" The Prussian swore he had never seen that look of despair on Ivan face. Or anybody else's for that matter.
"Whoa, where did all the evil go?"
"You think I'm evil? 'llknowwhat'sevil!"
"Dude, you just went all-out Russian on me." Gilbert cocked his head. What with the last sentence going out in a burst of rapid fire Russian.
"Don't bother understanding it, Beilschmidt."
"Tch. What could Natalia possibly do?"
"I will make Brother marry me."
Ivan almost died. Gilbert froze. The Prussian followed the look of impending doom that was written all over the Russian's face and slowly turned his head towards the so-called voice of death.
"Brother, I will become one with you, da?"
"Gil-bird, what the hell are you talking about?"
Gilbert stepped tentatively towards the chick which now emitted a strange dark evil aura.
The Prussian stopped in his tracks. This was obviously not Gil-bird anymore.
"I think this is the right moment to tell you that my sister is also a shapeshifter. Heh." Ivan started to back away.
"YOU THINK?" Gilbert growled at the Russian who turned white (if that's even possible).
"Brother, let's get married, da? We could also convince Gilbert-san to become one with Mother Russia, da?" The Natalia-Gil-bird flew closer to the two horrified men.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" A crash sounded behind Gilbert as Ivan scampered away.
"What have you done with Gil-bird?" Gilbert demanded, hands going to his hips.
" I will give him back as soon as you become one with Mother Russia, da?" The Natalia-bird flew even closer, and Gilbert was starting to understand why Ivan, of all countries, was simply terrified.
And he knew that if Russia is afraid of someone, or something, then he probably should be too.
"Eheh. I love Gil-bird, but I think I love my life more." Gilbert smiled cheekily as he turned on his heel and ran for his life.
Ivan wasn't kidding about the evil sister.
Ludwig tapped his pen on the stack of papers that he was supposed to sign. He frowned, regretting his decision to agree to Francis' stupid treaty. He was held at rose-point (if you know what he means) and there was pretty much nothing he could do about it.
He started to sign his name when the walls and the floor shook. His brows furrowed as he looked around, wondering if there's an earthquake.
Then he heard a high-pitched wailing sound that was akin to someone sounding off the fire alarm. He looked curiously towards the door for the source of the noise that literally shook the building.
He blinked in surprise as a tall figure with silver hair and a long train of cloth zoomed past his door, the unearthly sound following the runner.
Wasn't that Ivan Braginsky? Strange. It's uncommon, in fact, unheard of to see the Russian running for his life rather than him running, nay, stalking after some other country (China).
And then another silver-haired figure ran past his door. Silver hair... Silver hair...
And then a yellow chick followed. Why would two grown men (with one evil Russian at that) run away from a harmless chick?
Ludwig shrugged. Just another day at the office. With all the insanity that happens on a day-to-day basis, he already knew enough to just ignore them. Besides, it's almost always a hare-brained plan of Alfred's. Or that pervert of a nation named France.
He had poised again his pen over the line that asked for his signature when a realization struck him. That other silver-haired person was his brother.
He sighed in exasperation. Must be one of his brother's antics gotten wrong.
Brotherly love (wait, what's that?) dictated that he should go and save his elder sibling, but he has other more important things to do. Like signing France's damned treaty and strangling said country with it.
Maybe he'll save his brother later. Or next time.
Or maybe never..
And there goes my pathetic attempt at humor.
P.S. I love America. He's an idiot, but he's such an adorkable idiot, and he's mine… Ehrr, ours… Ehrr, England's that is.
P.P.S. I actually prefer Belarus saying "Nii-san" instead of "Brother" since I really think the way she says it is so much creepier, but Natalia talking in Japanese is a bit weird, so there.
Thanks for reading! Gil-bird cookies for reviewers!