"I'm going to waddle."
"…pardon?" James put down the paper to look questioningly up at his wife, who stood in front of him, arms crossed and glaring at her husband.
"I'm going to waddle," she repeated firmly, sticking her bottom lip out in a pout that James secretly found adorable.
"…why?" James furrowed his brow in thought, trying to guess at the hidden message behind the words. Sirius had told him that birds never meant what they said- however, none of Sirius' tips or tricks had ever worked on Lily before. He was seriously starting to doubt Sirius' methodology on women.
"Because I'm pregnant, James!" she shouted, her face beginning to grow red. "I'm pregnant, and I'm going to get fat, and my feet are going to swell, and oh, Merlin, I might get stretch marks, and all of these awful things are going to happen to my body, and I'm already spewing chunks like a fountain…" she sat down and buried her head into the crook of James' neck. "And I just really don't want to waddle," she finished quietly, her voice muffled.
James laughed and slung his arms around her, engulfing her in a hug. "That's all? No concern about the pain of childbirth, or concern for our amazing baby, or anything about him?" She groaned and repeatedly banged her head against James' chest. He pulled her closer and tucked her head under his chin. "Would you stop that?" he asked amusedly, as she continued to beat her head against him.
"No," she muttered. He grabbed her chin, lifted her head, and kissed her deeply, slowly, passionately.
"Now that I've got your attention," he laughed, as her eyes drifted dazedly open. She glared at him, but he held up a hand. "Lily-love, you think I could talk for a second?" Amused eyes glinted down at her. She stared at him for a second, considering, then settled back into him with a huff.
"Alright, James, ten seconds."
"Wow, a whole ten seconds! I only asked for one, you kn-"
"Get on with it, James." She poked him viciously in the ribs. He jumped and let out a noise of surprise that, though high-pitched, was most definitely not a shriek, because Potter men didn't shriek. As he reminded her often, or whenever her nails were involved. She smirked at him, and he whimpered in as manly a tone as possible, clutching his ribs.
"Ok, ok…" he muttered, ignoring her look of sadistic glee and making a mental note, for the five-thousandth time, to not play with Lily when she was irritated. "You're concerned about… waddling?" he questioned- it made no sense to him. "Why is that a big deal?"
"Because," Lily sighed and leaned her head back on his shoulder. "It's not attractive, and I know I'm not supposed to be that shallow as to care about something as stupid as looks, what with everything else going on- I mean, there's a war, for crying out loud!- but… it's just… waddling." She crinkled her nose in disgust. "I don't waddle. I've never waddled. It's not me. And now I'm going to have to, and it's so stupid, and I shouldn't even be talking about it, but since it is you that caused me my future waddling…" her voice trailed off.
James, who had been playing absent-mindedly with a piece of her hair while she was talking, smirked. "Yeah," he said smugly. "I did, didn't I?" She whacked his arm lightly, and he laughed and snuggled her closer. "In response…" he murmured, closing his eyes. "You are going to be attractive to me no matter how much you waddle. You are carrying my son. You've always been gorgeous to me, Lily, you know that. That's not going to change because you're carrying my son. You're carrying my son," he repeated, grinning.
"You better get sick and tired of that phrase soon," Lily muttered.
"Nah, I don't think I will, somehow," he cocked his head playfully. "You're carrying my son, you're carrying my son… Lily Evans Potter is carrying my son…" he sing-songed to her, laughing as she swatted him. "Again with the violence! I think your hormones are making you more vicious, Lily dear," he teased.
"Nah," she replied. "You just deserve to be hit more these days."
"Oh, how the woman lies!" James cried out dramatically. "I would never do anything to deserve such abuse!"
Lily giggled and hit him with the pillow again. He fell back sideways onto the couch, and she clambered onto him, swinging her preferred weapon at her husband. He reached up to tickle her, and she shrieked in laughter as his hands found her sensitive stomach. James grabbed her and carefully flipped them. Lily let out a few lingering giggles before realizing their changed positions. She glanced up. Behind round-framed glasses, James stared at her tenderly, then leaned down to press a soft kiss to her forehead.
"You. Are. Beautiful. Lily-Flower," he whispered, punctuating each word with a kiss. "Even when you're throwing pillows at me, or shrieking at me like some banshee, or when you're flustered or unsure or mad. I even kinda like how you look when you're naked and screaming my name," he leered at her, and she rolled her eyes, blushing. "You will look beautiful when you're old and wrinkled, because you're you. And you will look beautiful when you're carrying my son," he grinned, "because you're you. When you're fat and waddling and hormonal and crying all over the place-"she smacked him at that, but he ignored it and continued, "-you will be more beautiful than ever, to me. I love you, and there is nothing that will ever make you unattractive to me. Even waddling."
She glanced back up at him, shy, then shook her head. "You really think you're smooth, don't you?"
He smirked. "Might I remind you, Lily-love," he settled down beside her and curled her into his body, "who exactly is carrying my child?"
"Doesn't mean you're smooth."
"You fell for it."
"No, I didn't!"
"Yes, you did."
"No, I fell for your other charms."
"Oooh, do tell."
"I think I'd rather not stroke your ego today."
"There are other things you can stroke, you know."
Lily craned her head to send him a flat look. "Twenty years old, and you still think like a thirteen-year-old boy…" she muttered, and went to sit up. James laughed and pulled her back down.
"You love me," he smiled against her neck.
"I'm pretty sure you've been sneaking love potions into my drinks ever since Sixth year."
"You can't prove anything."
"I knew it."
"Ah, but you're all mine now, Lily dear. There's not a thing you can do about it." He kissed the back of her neck, then nuzzled it with his nose contentedly.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah…" she murmured, arching her neck as James lavished attention onto it.
"Especially since," he grinned, lightly biting her neck and making her gasp, "you are carrying my child…"
The pillow came flying at him from out of nowhere.
Lily sat up, glanced back at the man splayed contentedly over the length of the entire couch, and rolled her eyes. "I'm getting food," she got to her feet. "Do you want anything?"
James sent her a flat look. "The last thing you made was a peanut-butter and pickle sandwich. With fried mushrooms. And ice cream."
"The ice cream was on the side!" She defended herself quickly.
"You put the mushrooms on top of it."
"I think I'll fend for myself."
Lily walked off towards their kitchen in a huff, and James laid back and grinned. Life with his fiery little wife was always interesting… Waddling, honestly, he thought. Where do chicks get these ideas?
-Hey, all! So, this is the latest in my L/J collections. I had fun. Hope you did, too! I like pregnant Lily. She's more open with her emotions (curse you, hormones), which gives James a chance to be more sweet. Which, I think, we all like. As per usual, I own nothing. Not even a pen. Ok, maybe a pen. But all things Potter-verse are, sadly, not mine, but JKR's. Thanks to all the wonderful reviewers- you guys are the bestbestbest!