Disclaimer: I do not own Megamind.
Summary: Black Friday shopping just got a whole lot more interesting. Megamind is on a mission to get Roxanne's and Minion's Christmas gifts, and people had better learn to stay out of the way.
A/N: SPOILERS MAY BE IN THIS STORY! So I'm writing this story due to the winning poll vote on my homepage. I am a notorious Black Friday shopper, and I enjoy the thrill and excitement the event brings. So in order to prepare myself, I've decided to write this little story! Enjoy.
"You know, Minion," Megamind began one evening in the lair. "This whole Thanksgiving thing is actually a nice tradition. I mean, one consumes turkey, stuffing, and some magnificent delight called cranberry sauce."
The fish nodded as he cleared the dishes that had been left over from the small party. "And then they say how thankful they are for it," he added before snickering. "Right before they moan miserably and complain about eating too much. And you know, sir, I think they call it stuffing for a reason."
The blue alien smirked and adjusted the gloves on his hands. "I believe you are correct." He glanced at a screen behind him that displayed a darkened room. In that room was a bed, and in that bed was Roxanne. She had celebrated Thanksgiving with Minion and Megamind but had fallen asleep quite quickly after eating. His smirk softened into a semi-lovesick smile.
Minion rolled his eyes good-naturedly as he watched his boss fawn over the girl. Roxanne was a regular at the lair, and she was most welcome company. The fish did, though, think Megamind's crush on the reporter was interrupting his brilliant ideas for improving Metro City.
"How is it possible that someone so-?"
The fish interrupted lightly, "-awesome could be in your life? Yadda, yadda, we've heard it all before-" He paused when he saw his boss glaring at him and smiled weakly. "Sir..."
"Minion, how many times have I told you not to interrupt my lovesick ramblings?"
"Um, two... But that doesn't count last week when you were quoting from that Julia Roberts movie." He smiled cutely when the blue alien deflated in his argument. "Say, weren't you looking at those Black Friday ads earlier?"
Megamind brightened considerably at the mention of the next shopping day. "Oh, yes! Minion, come here! You should see this ad for some neat things at a store called Tar-jey."
"I believe it's pronounced 'Target,' sir." He ambled over to his friend and sat next to him, skimming through the ad. "So what did you plan on getting Miss Ritchie, sir?"
"Look!" He thrust the paper into his face and smiled widely. "Look at this little DVD player. And it has a doggy on it. Roxanne will love it! It's all cute and everything!"
"You know what else is cute? That precious little price tag attached to it..." Minion looked at his boss dubiously. "Just where are you going to get $85.00 for something like that?"
"Oh, well, that's simple. I'll just ask Roxanne if she could let me borrow some money."
The fish's mouth dropped. "Are you telling me you'd ask your girlfriend to buy her own present?"
"No, not really!" He grinned as though he'd gotten everything figured out. "I will be the one getting it. She will just be supplying this money!"
"I don't think it's a good idea, sir... I mean, you're asking her for money, you won't tell her what you're going to do with it-"
"Oh, I will!"
"But that's just ruining the point of the present!"
Megamind blinked at his guardian's outburst. "Why are you so testy about this present thing?"
"Sir, do you not understand the concept of buying a gift? It's like..." He sighed before getting an idea. "You remember the binky your parents gave you?"
He nodded solemnly as he looked at a picture of him with his treasured toy.
"That was a gift. They didn't ask you for money to buy it."
Megamind scoffed. "Of course not! I was only eight days old... What baby has a wallet?" He glanced back at the ad. "Never mind asking Roxanne. Maybe I could get the mayor to help me out... Or this man Buster who works at the Door!"
"A Door Buster is a big item that sells out fast, sir...not a man named Buster."
"Oh." The mastermind tapped his chin thoughtfully before snapping his fingers. "I know! Of course, why didn't I think of it before?" He hurried over to a shoebox labeled 'Rainy Days' and opened it, peering inside. "Ah-hah!" He lifted several twenty dollar bills from within.
"Where did you get that?" Minion asked cautiously.
"I house-sat for Metro Man about a week ago when Roxanne was at her mother's and you were gallivanting about the ocean."
"You told me I could stretch my fins, so of course I wasn't going to turn down that opportunity." He hoisted the robotic body to its feet and shuffled over to him. "So how much did Metro Man give you to watch all of his stuff?"
"Over a hundred! Honestly, though he was once my greatest rival and I probably should not say this, he has some awesome items. Sure, they all have his big head and shiny teeth on them, but they're very nice."
"Well, at least you now have enough to get her present...and just out of curiosity..." He turned an innocent grin to his boss. "What had you planned on getting your favorite minion?"
"Oh, shoot, I forgot about you."
Minion's mouth dropped to its limit. "Say what?" That was when the scolding began. "Who cooks your food? Who irons and sews your clothes, calls to cancel meetings with the mayor, and then fluffs your ego every time you and Roxanne have a spat?"
Megamind moved away from the upset fish a little bit. "You...?" He gulped. "Calm down, Minion. You sound like my mother...I think." He hesitantly patted the robot suit's head. "Don't worry. I'll find something for you too."
The fish pursed his lips. "Don't think I didn't notice that you'll only be spending fifteen dollars on me and eighty-five on Roxanne."
"Minion, that's absurd!" He paused and counted mentally before shrugging. "At the rate the taxes are going, your present will cost eight dollars at the most."
If Minion weren't a water-based creature, Megamind would have sworn steam was radiating off of him. "With all due respect, sir...it's best not to say how much a gift is anyway. Just keep that in mind..."
Megamind smiled happily, nodding. His innocence about events going on around him never ceased to amaze the two people closest to him. "Right! Well, I'd better get some sleep. I am leaving at 3:00 AM to get to the store. You take care of Roxanne, all right?"
"Yes, sir... And don't get trampled by the crowds."
"I got it. Don't worry." He took off his cape and draped it over the fish's robotic arm before skipping excitedly into his room. He was just so giddy for some reason. Was this what a sugar rush felt like? He shrugged as he lay down beside his girlfriend. She was so quiet when she slept...unlike when she was awake. He smiled, placed a kiss on her cheek, and fell asleep.
Meanwhile, Minion mumbled something about 'courtesy' under his breath before retiring for the night himself.
The next morning, Megamind found himself approaching a very long line at the city's Target store. Actually, it was a Super Target. 'Maybe because it celebrates super heroes?' Megamind guessed mentally as he walked toward the front of the line.
"Hey, buddy!" a man with a baseball cap snapped. "What do you think you're doing? We've been here since midnight. Get to the back of the line."
Megamind raised an eyebrow at him. "Do you not know who I am?"
"Wait, aren't you Megamind?"
"Yes, I am." He smiled proudly.
"Fine, then Megamind, get to the back of the line."
The blue alien huffed and grumbled to himself as he walked toward the end of the line. It was just a bit behind the side of the building, but it was much too far for his liking. He turned his back to the man beside him. "Desperate times call for desperate measures..." He grinned as he took out his dehydration gun. "First thing's first." He pretended to be fed up with waiting in line and made his way toward the front. Within seemingly a split second, he reached the man who'd snapped at him earlier, shot him with the dehydration gun, and turned his watch to transform into the man. He then hid his dehydrated form and the gun in his pocket.
About thirty minutes later, the doors opened. It was a mad dash to get inside. Megamind flinched as he saw a woman with a walker trip a thirty-something-year-old woman to get to the TVs on sale. Deciding to be smart about this strategy, he went up to an employee. "Excuse me, where are your $85.00 DVD players?"
The man pointed toward the electronics at a designated area.
"Ah, thanks!" After a quick and mad run to grab one of the remaining items, he sighed happily. "Finally...you're mine at last." He was about to walk to the register to pay for his item when he heard Minion's nagging voice echoing in his head. He sighed with an eye roll. "Oh, fine..." A smirk reached his lips as he saw a CD that was on sale. He picked it up and nodded. "Perfect! This will teach him to scold me!" He snickered before heading to the checkout line.
About a month later, it was Christmas Eve. The three friends had agreed to exchange gifts that night instead of waiting until the morning, because they had plans to visit Metro Man that day.
"I hope you like it," Megamind said gently to Roxanne as she opened her gift.
"Oh, Megamind!" she exclaimed happily. "Thank you. It's something I've been meaning to get." She gave him a hug.
"You're welcome." He released her and turned back to Minion. "And don't worry; I didn't forget you."
Minion smiled happily as he took his gift from his boss. His smile exploded when he unwrapped the package. "Oh, sir! Thank you!"
Roxanne and Megamind both exchanged confused glances and shrugged.
"Um, sure...you're welcome."
That evening, the sounds of Jessica Simpson singing her newest Christmas songs wafted through the air as yet another confused man found himself in Megamind's spin cycle.
A/N: So there you have it: a story of Black Friday! There should really be more I think... I believe I saw one a long time ago, but it involved the Chronicles of Narnia. Go figure... lol Anyway, I'd heard Jessica Simpson's Christmas songs earlier and couldn't get them out of my head. I needed a way to incorporate them, and Minion is just awesome enough that he WOULD like someone like Jessica Simpson, even though that's not the "norm" for male fishies such as himself. :D BTW, the end referred to the dehydrated form of the guy ending up in Megamind's washing machine just like Bernard did at the end of the movie.
Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this. Have a great holiday season, and if you are venturing out on Black Friday like I am, BE CAREFUL!
Also go to [b f ads . net] (put together the letters) to see all the awesome ads the retailers have this year. It looks like we're going to have fun that Friday. Till next time! :)