Summary: Stuck in a cycle of depression and loneliness, Kurt and Finn are both pushing everyone away in an attempt to deal with their own separate issues. The flaws in 'going at it alone' are multiple and obvious, but sometimes the hardest thing to do can be to reach out for help. Slash.
A/N: Okay, so as a Glee fanfiction virgin I'm sure to get a lot of things wrong here, so do me a favour and point them out so I can fix it mmmkay? Obviously this one is a little angsty and dark to begin with. Pairings will be (non-established) Kurt/Finn with some Kurt/Blaine and Finn/Rachel to begin with. Deviates after Britney/Brittany. I may incorporate some things from newer episodes as the happen, and obviously Blaine is still in it, but the actual deviation starts there. Just a short prologue type chapter one for now. More soon. Also, if you are looking for angst you are in the right place, but if you are looking for an angst ridden tragic ending you are most certainly in the WRONG place. Because I'm a stickler for happy endings.
Warnings: Slash, obviously. Angst, Abuse, mild noncon situations, language.
Note: AU after Britney/Brittany.
There's no heaven
The bang as his shoulder collided with the metal locker was so loud that it almost drowned out the words being spoken. Almost.
"Excuse me fag, didn't see you there hidden under all that gay-ness." Not the most original of insults, but for Neanderthals like Karofsky it could be considered partially creative.
Kurt was now well practiced in ignoring the hulking football player, having endured this treatment on a daily basis. Actually, that's an understatement, he thought to himself. Since school had resumed after the summer, Kurt had been lucky to escape a fourth incident each day, and that was not for lack of trying. So, like usual, he continued on his way, acted like the pain in his shoulder was not nearly as crippling as it truly was, and attempted to ignore him. Usually, this was a good tactic – arguing or fighting back in any way rarely amounted to a peaceful and non violent interaction.
"Hey! I'm talking to you queer!" Although occasionally there were those days when nothing he did would matter to the large teenager. Argue or not, acknowledge Karofsky's presence or ignore him entirely, some days he was just out for blood.
"What do you want Karofsky?" Kurt sighed, the weariness he now associated with encounters with Karofsky beginning to seep into his bones.
Karofsky began to smile that smug little smirk that often frequented his face when he was able to get the queer to do what he wanted. "Just want to have a chat Hummel." Kurt swallowed nervously, knowing exactly what they would be 'talking' about. The silence stretched between them for a few moments, before Kurt finally raised his gaze from the floor to focus on a point somewhere behind Karofsky's shoulder. "Where?" He whispered, the defeat audible in his tone.
"Locker room. Now." Karofsky turned around, beginning to swagger over in the direction of the team's locker room. Kurt was overcome by a bout of indecision – the choice of complying silently, or running, calling for help….anything. But no, his feet lead him to follow the bully around the corner. Running only delayed the inevitable, and it was always a lot worse after he ran. Telling would serve no purpose. Everyone knew he was bullied by the football player and then some. Calling for help…well, Finn and Puck weren't there this time. Which, in a twisted sort of way he was grateful for. Despite the fact that they now put a stop to the encounters whenever they were present, the next encounter was always ten times worse after his fellow glee members intervened.
Before he realised he had arrived, he found himself yanked into the locker room by the larger boy. Karofsky wasted no time in showing him up against the lockers, his back digging into the vents. So predictable. Kurt found himself thinking. You would think, after so much practice, Karofsky may have worked out how to deviate in his routine slightly. A sharp fist in his gut halted Kurt's thoughts as he realised the encounter had begun.
"…So what do you think?"
To be honest, he really couldn't care less. In fact, he had not been listening for almost the entire one way conversation he was having with his girlfriend. There was a certain advantage in having people doubt whether you could actually understand most English words, Finn had decided. While he did feel a small amount of guilt over not listening to something Rachel was clearly passionate about…who was he kidding? Rachel was passionate about everything. And to be honest, listening to everything Rachel had to say might just drive him crazy. Or insane. Which are the same thing anyway, so either way, he wouldn't come out normal. But anyway…the guilt was lessened by the depreciating glare said girlfriend was currently deflecting his way. Woops…maybe he hadn't been as subtle in his not-listening as he thought he had been.
"Are you even listening to me Finn?" Her shrill voice interrupted his thoughts briefly.
"Of course I am Rachel, continue." Satisfied, she resumed talking at him, whilst he resumed ignoring her. Finn knew he wasn't the smartest guy around, and he definitely knew he wasn't as smart as some of the other dudes he was friends with, like Artie, or Kurt. But he did find the hand gestures that Rachel often resorted to using when conversing with him a little hurtful, and quite simply, demeaning.
And yes he did actually know the meaning of that word – he had looked it up just the other day when Kurt had mentioned it. Kurt knew a lot of interesting words and Finn had endeavoured to try and learn them all. It wasn't his fault his vocabulary was severely lacking due an almost legitimate learning disorder. Well, he found it hard to pay attention and actually learn anything in class. He was pretty sure that was a learning disability.
Anyway. Usually Rachel didn't bother him this much. But today was different. This whole week had been different…and, if he was completely honest with himself, the last month or so had been different. Nothing had changed, which was perhaps half of the problem. He supposed, now that he thought about it, that he had almost hoped Rachel would change the longer they dated. Not that he minded Rachel. Not at all. After all, you don't date someone you don't like. At least, that was what Finn found himself telling himself lately.
To be honest, things had been kinda screwed up since the end of last year. Ever since the shit with Puck and Quinn, and then his treatment of Kurt towards the end of the year…he couldn't help but think he had managed to lose all his friends around the same time. Including Kurt – especially Kurt. He knew now that no amount of protecting him from Karofsky would ever erase the hurt he had caused Kurt by saying what he had. And he hated it.
"Finn. Finn!" Rachel gave a frustrated sigh as he finally turned towards her. He was surprised to see her frown a bit, instead of the glare he was expecting. "You okay? You've been weird today."
The concern in her voice was enough to make him smile. "I'm fine Rach, what were you saying?" She took the cue as he knew she would and continued her speech about all thirty-eight reasons why Mr. Schue should let them sing Britney Spears.
Finn nodded like usual, added in a few words of agreement. But to be honest, he just didn't care. He couldn't give a crap about what songs they sung in glee this week. To be honest, he hardly even noticed anymore.
Not since Puck, not since Quinn.
Not since he said those things to Kurt…
He just didn't care.