Rating: M, language, sexual situations, yaoi.
Description: RenjixIchigo. Spoilers for chapter 423. Ichigo has lost his spiritual powers and can't see any of his shinigami friends anymore, which leads to some interesting situations when Renji tries to confront him.
Disclaimer: Bleach is created and owned by Tite Kubo, I merely pay homage to characters and a story I love.
"Damn it, Ichigo, try harder!" I yelled at him. He looked bored. And here I thought he was annoying before. I'm not a patient man by any standards, and considering how long I've been trying to get him to see me, how many trips I've made to the world of the living, well, you can see my frustration. "ICHIGO, YOU IDIOT, I'M GOING TO START POUNDING ON YOU WHETHER YOU CAN SEE ME OR NOT!"
Ichigo didn't know, couldn't know, what the loss of his powers was doing to the Soul Society. Sure we won, but it didn't seem like that from where I was standing. Captain Zaraki refused to believe that Ichigo had lost his powers at first and had come to Ichigo's house and smacked Ichigo across the head, landing him in the hospital. I heard that Ichigo's dad had it out with Zaraki after that, which must have been something to see considering the grin on Kenpachi's face when he finally got back to the Seireitei. The grin didn't last long though, as weeks and months passed and Ichigo still was as weak as any normal human. If Kenpachi is depressed, all of Squad 11 normally follows. A depressed Squad 11 is kind of weird to see too. I even saw them pass by a group of drunk Squad 4 members like it was nothing.
Captain Kuchiki pretends like its better all around this way, but I see him staring out the window too often. Who knows if he actually misses the kid himself or if he's just worried about Rukia, but either way, it's not like he's unaffected by it.
And Rukia. Well, there's not much to say there. She hasn't even tried to go back and see him, even though I know that she thinks about him all the time. I think that she can't handle him looking right through her. I want to ask her if she ever had feelings for him, or even if she still does, but I'm afraid that will make her even more depressed. Not that she acts depressed at all, on the outside she's exactly the same. Someone close to her though, people like her captain, her brother and I, we're all worried.
"Look, Ichigo, you really have to…" I stopped talking as Ichigo casually pulled off his shirt. "Um…" I wasn't really sure what to do when his pants started coming off too. I mean, it's not like he could see me or feel me, so why wouldn't he get undressed? Hell, I'm hardly dressed at all in my own quarters and only throw on a robe when I have to go outside. Still, it was pretty unnerving to see him being so calm about it. Well, I guess unnerving wouldn't be the word.
Great, now I'm watching him take off his underwear. I really should have left before this point, or at least avert my eyes. But I really can't. Fantastic, now I'm a peeping Tom. The only difference is I can be right next to him without him seeing me. Hell, I could even touch him. Ok, bad thought. Very bad thought. Yeah, leaving now.
I paused at the window though, hearing him give a slight moan as he stretched his body in a yawn. Renji, seriously, how perverted can you be? He's one of your best friends, you've fought him and sweat with him and fought next to him. You've trained with him for hours until you couldn't stand, you've even fallen asleep from pure exhaustion next to him.
That's what I was thinking about right now. That time in Urahara's training area when we fought for what was probably days. We had both practically passed out, and when I woke up he had slumped over onto me, his head rest on my chest. I remember being shocked, and then reaching over and ruffling his hair a little, gently resting my arm around him and going back to sleep. Just a small thing, but it was definitely on my mind.
"Bye, Ichigo," I said, leaving maybe for the last time. I was beginning to see why Rukia never came. A sudden blush came across my face. What if she had been here when he was getting undressed?
I waited an entire two months before I visited him again. I scoped out the place first because his little sister Karin can see me and she's quite the bitc…er, strong minded female when she wants to be. I think she thinks I have a thing for her brother and am stalking him. Which I might be.
His father is another story too. He doesn't hassle me like Karin does but he always talks to me, and really he's kind of a weirdo. I call him beardman in my mind, although I suppose I could call him goat face like Ichigo does.
No one is home, not even Ichigo. I decide to wait in his room and see if he shows up. Oh yeah, he's at school, guess I should look at the clock.
I drift off to sleep on his bed. When I woke up I heard a shower running. I go to the bathroom door, open it, and peer in, just to get an idea of who is in there. The pile of clothes at the doorway tell me it's Ichigo. Now here's the struggle where I figure out that yes, I really am losing it. I don't leave right away. For some reason I'm stuck in place. Ok, I know the reason, and the reason is that ever since Ichigo has been gone I've realized that I really need him to be around. That's why I've been by so often. I can't just go away and be hurt and sad like Rukia, or quiet like Captain Kuchiki, or drunk and depressed like Captain Zaraki. I have to have him see me. He just has to come back.
Before things were a little too hectic to stop and think about things. He was trying to kill me (or me him), there was betrayals and murders happening. Then we were training for bankai, getting our skills up for the upcoming war, and then invading Hueco Mundo and trying to get Orihime back. There wasn't downtime for me to think about how close I'd gotten to Ichigo, how I relied on him, how I loved teasing him and how much I enjoyed him showing me around the world of the living. Now there was nothing but downtime. Nothing but lots and lots of hours and days and months to think of what I'd rather be doing; which was training with Ichigo and then going out to eat afterward, eating something new like ice cream and having him laugh at me when I ate it too fast and got a headache.
It's only been recently that I made myself admit that I actually like him as more than a friend. I mean, he's still like a baby to me in age, so it's been harder than you might think having to deal with it. Then again, anyone that can fight off captains and espadas isn't really a child in any way. Someone who's grinned in the face of death and met it headlong isn't immature, they're an adult by a long shot.
So I stayed there, listening to the water roll of his body, the sounds of him scrub off the grime and sweat off himself.
"Mmm," I heard him moan.
Oh my god. I feel a shudder go down my spine, because that is definitely one of the sexiest moans I've ever heard, and it's definitely a moan that…
"Mmmmm," he moans again, louder.
Shit, he really is going to fucking jack off in the shower, and I'm probably going to sit right here and listen to the whole thing, loving it.
No, I really should leave. I mean, even if he did have some sort of thing for me, which there's never really been any indication that he did…I mean, it's creepy right? I'm not a creeper.
The sounds coming from the shower are truly heavenly and if I don't leave right now not only am I creep, but I'm probably going to jump in the shower with him and molest him.
I force myself to back out, shivering. I close the door and go back to Ichigo's room, which turns out to be a bad thing because as I lay down on his bed the whole place just feels like him. It smells like him and it reeks of memories of me showing up at 2am at his window, sitting on his bed with him and chatting about who knows what for hours.
Damn, I'm really too turned on and I'm not about to jerk off on his bed, because that's just rude. Ok, and fucking sexy, but still, rude.
Don't think about. Don't think about it.
Ichigo comes in. I guess I must have been fighting with myself longer than I thought. He's only wearing a towel and I rake my eyes over him. He's still glowing from his little shower sex session and I can just feel it rolling off of him. I want him, badly.
He takes off his towel and I try to look away, but there's not really any point to fighting with myself about it because I know I'm not going to.
Then he threw himself down on his bed, right on top of me. I gasp and grab onto him, not wanting him to fall off.
He's naked and on top of me. I can't let him go.
His face is perplexed. He's looking into my chest. I know he has to feel something, it's not like he's stupid and assuming that he's just hovering over his covers or anything.
"Renji?" he asks.
"Ichigo," I said, knowing he can't hear me. I don't think I've ever been this close to tears since that time I thought he'd killed me, when I thought that everything I've ever fought for in my life was over. When I realized that he was more than me and it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt, even more than when I watched Rukia walk away when she decided to become a Kuchiki.
His hand is out, trying to feel me. A hand on my chest, then tracing along my shoulders. I wonder what it feels like, if he can feel the shape of me or only resistance. His hand comes up my neck, across my jawbone. I'm gritting my teeth. My lips, how dare his run his fingers along my lips that way? Fuck. I'm gasping for breath. My cheekbones, my temples…he pauses.
"So, you never did get another pair of goggles, huh?" he asks, his hands on the bandanna I'm using to hold my hair back.
He can feel enough then. Enough to tell small things like that. He tugs on the piece of cloth, and it falls away, my hair coming to rest loosely on the pillow behind me and around my face. He runs his fingers through it. Oh my god, why am I doing this to myself? Actually, why is he doing this at all? This whole thing…I mean, he didn't jump off the second he felt me. He's just laying on me, feeling my body, caressing me.
Shit, he does care about me. He has to. I look into his eyes and see pain there, almost like it's reflected from my soul into those brown orbs.
"Renji," he says my name again, and rests his head on my chest.
I wrap my arms around him. "Don't give up, Ichigo," I said. "This is more than you've been able to do before. That has to mean that you're coming back. Please come back to me."
"Renji, I'm trying," he says, almost like he can hear me, but I know he can't.