Looking at Sam is like looking at the abyss and the abyss looking back at you.
It's terrifying, knowing that your brother feels nothing. That he is incapable of joy, fear, love, hate. Knowing that Sam could betray you at any minute if it suited his needs.
Because he is a sociopath. He can imitate emotion, fool people into believing that nothing is wrong with him. But in reality, nothing could stop him from doing anything he wanted. The only reason he doesn't do whatever he wants is because he knows that Dean would disapprove; maybe even stop helping him. That would be inconvenient.
Dean knows that Sam is wrong. Dean knows that if Sam wasn't his brother, he'd kill him. Plain and simple. But Sammy is his younger brother, and he has to at least try to gain him back. He doesn't want to lose him again. He can't.
But can he even say that he has gained him back? No, not really. It looks like Sam, has Sam's memories…but it isn't Sam. It's much closer to the things that go bump in the night. But at least some of those creatures feel something. Even if it is just hate (though some are capable of something close to love.)
Sometimes Dean wonders if Sam, when he gains him back, will be able to live with what his soulless self has done. Sam was always the compassionate, let's save-the-world-together guy. Sam would be disgusted by himself, by what he has done, by what he will inevitably do (because Dean can't stop everything.)
Late at night, during his darkest hours and at the bottom of a whiskey bottle, Dean thinks about whether or not he would make the right decision if Sam was threatening an innocent. If push came to shove, would he stop Sam? Put a bullet in his brother to stop him from putting a bullet in someone else? Even at the bottom of the bottle, Dean doesn't know. Hopefully he won't ever have to find out.
He can only pray that Crowley will make good on his word. Or, even better, that God will intervene. But that's pretty laughable…ol' God didn't do anything during the Apocalypse. He definitely won't do anything to manage the aftermath. Not even to stop the freakin' Angel Civil War.
The world, or at least Dean's life, is in the crapper, and the only way it's going to be fixed is if Dean fixes it himself. Like he always has. Like it seems he always will.
Maybe he should change his name to Mr. Fix It.
Standard Disclaimer Applies
Notes: Feel free to drop a note, tell me what you think about the whole situation. Season 6, to say the least, is thought provoking.