Another crazy idea that come to me and would not leave me alone.


Ranma awoke to the sound of an incessant beeping, or ringing, or something. Sitting up, he blreariy looked around for its source, eventually locating a small phone. He flipped it open and placed it against his ear.

"Ohayo." he said.

"Ohayo?" came a voice from the other end.

"Yeah, what do you want?"

"Uh, are you feeling well?" the words were oddly clipped and precise.

"I feel fine, why?"

"Ok, listen I'm going to come over there, is that alright?"

Ranma yawned. "Ok, sure. Fine."

"I will be there soon."

"Right, bye." Ranma closed the phone then stared at it. When did I get this?

Doctor Daniel Jackson stared at the phone he had just hung up. The voice on the other end had been Jack's, but…

He turned and headed back into the briefing room, where the other members of his team Major Samantha Carter and the Jaffa warrior Teal'c, collectively known as SG-1, and the base commander General Hammond were waiting seated at the table.

Hammond looked up as he entered. "Did you get ahold of him?"

Daniel paused a bit before answering. "Yeah, but…uh…"

"But?" the general prompted as Sam and Teal'c looked on.

"Well, this is going to sound strange but, has Jack ever mentioned knowing any other languages?" The two military officers looked at him as though he were suddenly mutating before their eyes, which, in this place was all too possible.

"Colonel O'Neill?" Hammond began. "Other languages?" Sam finished.

"French." The deep voice of Teal'c spoke up.

"French?" Daniel repeated.

"On a number of occasions I have hear O'Neill say 'pardon my French.'" Teal'c recounted.

"Ok, well…I just spoke with him on the phone…in Japanese." He looked at the surprised expressions of Hammond and Sam, and Teal'c's slightly less stony look.

"He was speaking Japanese?" Sam repeated. "As in fluently?"

"Not just fluently…it was like street Japanese, the kind you'd hear in a Tokyo high school."

"So you're saying the Colonel has been turned into a Japanese teenager?" Hammond asked. The looks he was getting suggested they wanted to think he making it up, but they had too much experience with strange unexplained and just plain weird to discount it. This was the same Jack O'Neill, after all, who had shown up as a teenager one day who later turned out to be a clone.

"Well, I don't know. I said I'd head over there in a bit, see what's going on, if that's ok."

"Do it." The general ordered. "Take a couple of MPs with you. We'll reconvene when he arrives."

Daniel nodded then headed out, followed by Carter and Teal'c. Hammond got up and went to his office for some coffee. He had the feeling he was going to need a lot of it today.

Jack O'Neill had had a lot of rude wake-up calls in his time, tended to come with the territory. He had awoken on occasions to find his unit was under attack, that he had apparently been frozen for 75 years (turned out to be a lie), been abducted and cloned, and various other things that he'd rather not think about, but he had never been yanked out of bed then thrown through a window into a pond…by a panda!

Jack rose to the surface coughing and sputtering and swearing. As he waded to the edge, the panda jumped out and landed nearby, then held up a sign…written in gibberish. Jack blinked, still thinking this had to be a dream…or another damn Asguard experiment, or a Goaul'd one. Somehow he doubted it. The panda just didn't seem to fit either of their styles.

"Look, uh, Daniel's not here so…" He stopped as he realized his voice was different, at least two octaves higher than it should have been. "Aw, don't tell me I've been turned into a kid again." He could've sworn the panda was scratching its head. Then it held up another sign, more gibberish. Jack folded his arms with an annoyed look, and got another big surprise. Two of them actually. Jack stiffened as he felt the unexpected pressure from his chest. Looking down, he saw what was definitely cleavage peeking out the top of his shirt. "Oh, hell no!" He poked and prodded then for a couple of minutes before dashing back over to the pond and looking at his reflection.

The face that stared back was most definitely not his. It was youthful, rounded, with red hair gathered into a short braid in the back, and unquestionable female. This was not his body. Most people would likely panic or go into denial, trying to convince themselves they were dreaming, but Jack O'Neill had been in someone else's body before. It was not an experience he remembered with much fondness.

So, Jack was forced to accept that he was stuck in the body of a young girl, in Gibberish Town, whatever country this was, hopefully on Planet Earth. The panda was a good sign in that regard. The creature in question was still looking at her. Maybe this is China. Not the most comforting thoughts, as he had little illusions the Chinese would let him go back easily. They would eventually, but they'd draw the process out as long as possible, especially since there was no way the United States could force the issue without blowing the Stargate into the open.

The panda help up another sign. Jack marched over to it. "Look, Fuzzy, that isn't working." He looked around the place, finding it to be a yard behind an old house. Turning back to the panda he held up a hand like a phone receiver. "You got a phone?" I can't believe I'm doing this.

The panda seems to understand somehow, and "pointed" with its paw at the house with a sound like "growf".

"Ok…then…"

"Ranma-kun, Saotome-san!" a voice called from the side. A young woman in a blue dress with an apron over it had come out. She began speaking, though Jack had no clue what she was saying. She stopped talking and the panda held up yet another sign. Where are those things coming from? The girl looked at it, an expression of confusion crossing her face. The panda flipped the sign over and to show more of whatever the hell it was on the other side. Now the girl's eyes widened and a hand went to her mouth.

Jack glanced back and forth between them as she slowly approached him. She bent over, as she was several inches taller, and looked him in the eye. "Ranma-kun? You not feeling well?"

"Well, I feel fine…"

"How you know English. Akane say you always sleep in English class."

"Well, I did a fair bit of that too…" English had not been among his favorite subjects. He hadn't been that fond of school in general. "Listen, I need to make a phone call. Once I do that I can get some people here who'll make it all better, ok?"

The girl looked at him with a concerned expression, but got up and led him into the house where a phone was sitting on a small table near an entryway. Jack had just picked it up when a younger girl in a light blue dress came down the stairs and right up to him. "Ranma!" she yelled, then went on a tirade that Jack was perfectly content not to understand a word of.

His ignoring her seemed to make her angry and her words began to get louder and less pleasant sounding. Eventually he just looked at her and put a finger to his lips. "Shhhhhh."

The girl stopped and stared at him. She seemed confused about something, but before she could do anything more, the phone connected. "Hello, this is Colonel Jack O'Neill. I need to speak to General George Hammond."


There you go. I've got a rough idea where this might be heading, but still would appreciate any feedback. Thank you!