AN: It's finally here! The Beauty and the Beast Dare! OMG, I cannot tell you how much fun I had writing this one, and my GOD, I am sorry for the wait! I promise to get my butt in gear on this and quit being such a lazy dashna!
Maggie the Mad Majesty of Muchness
"This is so. Freaking. Stupid." Nessarose said, putting her hands on her hips. "Oh yeah?" Maggie said. "Well...nyeah!" She stuck her tongue out at the older brunette, who was wearing a replica of the Mrs. Potts costume from the musical stage version of Beauty and the Beast, along with her Ruby Slippers so that she would be able to walk for the upcoming dare.
"Maggie?" Fiyero asked. "Oui, M'sieur Tigelaar?"she asked, turning to look at him. "Do I really have to wear this thing on my head? It's really off balance and I'm afraid it's gonna just fall right off my head and take me down with it. Plus, how am I supposed to grab anything with these...contraptions on my hands?"
"You're not supposed to grab anything, it's not in the script. And as for the wig problem..." Maggie put a hand on her chin and examined his Lumiere wig thoughtfully.
"Alice?" she called after a moment. "Come here, please, will you, Pixie?" The small vampire was there in an instant. She was wearing a white half-apron with little pink roses embroidered around the edges and lace trimming.
There was a pair of fabric scissors in one of the pockets with the handles sticking out, along with a few other things, and she had a tape measurer hanging from her neck with a black sharpie behind her ear. Basically, she looked like a fashion designer who was in the middle of making a new outfit/collection.
Hey, who'd ya think recreated all those costumes so meticulously right down to the very last detail?
"Yeah, Maggie?" she said. The younger girl motioned towards Fiyero's wig. "Fiyero says that thing is off balance, and he feels like it's going to fall off at any second, is there anything you can do that might fix that?"
"Hm," Alice said, putting her hands on her hips. She tilted her head to the side slightly. "I might be able to make it stay if I take some of the adhesive glue stuff that they use to make things like the Chistery mask stay on actors' skin and line the inside of the wig with it, just around the lower edge, kind of like the wigs in CATS.
"It wouldn't touch his real hair or get stuck in it, because he's going to be wearing a wig cap when we do this for real, of course, so it would just be attached to that. I'm not entirely sure it'll work, but if he's okay with it, I'll definitely try."
Maggie nodded slowly. "Fiyero," she said, "whatchya think? You cool with that?" He shrugged. "Yeah, sure." Alice nodded. "Okay, just let me go get my make-up kit, and we'll give it a shot."
She took off to go find the make-up kit in question as Fiyero took off his wig. Maggie went to go double check and make sure that the padlock on the trapdoor to the Dinglesquats' basement was securely locked. She'd banished them "to the Dungeon," as she'd put it, until they finished what they were doing because she didn't want them to screw anything up by...well, basically just from their very presence.
"They have a very negative aura," she'd said. "They're constantly exuding extreme negative energy, which is not what we want while we do this." Alice had then asked what colors their auras were, and Maggie had promptly responded, "They're completely colorless."
Colorless auras are always very bad things.
Maggie is an aura expert.
Don't ever question her aura judgment.
Anyhoozeez, Maggie reached above her head and pulled a pair of pink cat-eye glasses with little green and blue rhinestones on them out of literal thin air with one hand, and with the other, she produced her clipboard and fountain pen.
Oh, and a tube of pink lipstain, which she applied to her mouth, then shoved in her pocket.
"Okay, everybody, gather around!" she said, walking to the center of the room and stepping up onto a podium that had magically appeared.
She put her glasses on, shuffled some papers around in front of her, cleared her throat, then tapped the microphone that was attached to the podium.
"Attention," she said into the mic. "Everybody, may I have your attention please? Thank you. Now, before we begin, I would just like to say that when I went to see this at the Bass with my theatre arts class, Lumiere was played by a young man named Michael Haller, and it was his very first professional gig, and for a first-time actor, he was amazing. Oh, and also, he was freaking adorable and my friend Ariana and I were drooling over him."
"Get to the point already!" somebody shouted, but nobody was really sure who. "Alright, who said that?" the Authoress demanded. "Seriously, you guys, somebody better fess up befo-You know, I just decided I really don't give a twig."
"My line!" Fiyero said, his hand shooting into the air. Maggie nodded once in his direction. "And it is one of the best in the play, Your Highness," she said, smiling at him over the rim of her glasses. He fist pumped in response.
"Anyway," she continued, scanning over her papers as a short pencil with no eraser magically appeared behind her ear and her hair was magically pulled back into a loose sloppy braid.
"I have a few announcements to make before we begin, so please listen up. First off, I would just like to compliment Miss Cullen for her amazing work on the costumes and make-up and to thank her for agreeing to do this, because without her, it never would have been possible. So, Alice, fantastic work, and thank you very, very much."
Alice smiled and gave a small curtsey from her spot next to the podium as everybody clapped. "You're very welcome," she said. "It's my pleasure, I had lots of fun." Maggie smiled as she looked back at her papers.
"Next, I would like to thank Miss Rose Emeraldfay for sending in this dare, I know we're going to have lots of fun doing it and I sincerely hope that Miss Emeraldfay enjoys it. I would also like to apologize to her for the extremely severe delay in getting this done. Rose, I cannot even begin to tell you how sorry I am, and I promise I will try to never let it happen again.
"Lastly, I'd like to make sure everybody remembers the name of their character, as well as the requirements that come with these characters and the expectations I have for them, so we're going to run through that one more time just to be safe. Fiyero, you are Lumiere, so it is absolutely imperative that you use a French accent."
"Yes ma'am," he said, giving her a mock salute. "Boq, you are Cogsworth, so I want to hear a slightly British accent from you, got that?" Boq nodded. "Glinda, you are Madame Grande de la Bouche, and simply due to the fact that you are capable of it, I expect to hear high notes worthy of Cheno coming from you at the end, do I make myself perfectly clear?"
"Crystal, Your Mad Majesty!"
"Good. Nessarose, you are Mrs. Potts, so keep that hand on your hip as much as possible. Elphaba, you are not going to have a singing part because you will be playing Belle, who only has dialogue in this song. And, as for the Beast, there isn't anyone else left, so Fiyero, you are going to have to play two parts, and I will be using this," she held up her Elphaba wand from the Ozdust Boutique, "to create the world's first ever instantaneous, magic-induced costume changes. Sound good?"
Fiyero nodded. "Alright, everybody clear on what's required and expected of them?" There was a chorus of mumbled agreement, which Maggie supposed was good enough, so she nodded. "Good. Let's get this Titan War on the road, people!"
-Dancing Through This Feeling-
"WHO WANTS TO HEAR MY FREDDIE BENSON IMITATION?" Maggie shouted from the podium (which, by the way, was painted black with metallic silver clock gears all over it and had the Wicked logo smack dab in the middle on the front along with an old fashioned clock face) as she threw her arms into the air.
"I DO, I DO!" Alice said, bouncing up and down eagerly. "Hey, when did you change your shirt?" Fiyero asked, straying completely off topic. Maggie looked at her Beauty and the Beast t-shirt from Delia's, then bent over and, from the cubby hole space in the podium, produced Sue Sylvester's bullhorn, which Emmett had stolen a while back during Maggie's parody and nobody had bothered to return yet.
She put it up to her mouth and said, "That is completely irrelevant, Tigelaar. Shut your mouth and go over your lines, or I'm putting you backstage with Avaric and his PMS when we do R&J."
"You haven't even put Avaric himself back there yet, he's still going on as Tybalt!" Nessa said. Maggie snapped her fingers. "Shoot, I forgot about that. Okay, um...I'll hide all the chocolate pudding in a place where you'll never find it!"
"Yes, ma'am!" Fiyero said frantically, eyes widening in horror before turning back to his script. Maggie pulled her laptop out of the cubby hole and set it down on the podium, opened it and typed something, then her eyes got wide.
"Aw, shavna! We still need somebody as Chip and Babette! Uh...RANDOM OZIAN KID!" ROK appeared out of thin air. Maggie quickly explained the situation, then gave him a script and commanded him to sing Chip's lines, "or else you-don't-even-wanna-know."
"Alice, do you mind doing Babette?" Maggie asked. "I'd love to! Not to brag or anything, but I've got a killer French accent!" Alice said. "Good." Maggie waved the Elphie wand and Alice was instantaneously dressed like Babette. "Okay, now we've got that taken care of..." Maggie took her glasses off and set them down next to her iPod.
"Alright, people, places!" Everybody started moving around the room, most of which had been decorated to look like the stage set for the actual play. "Edward, lights!" Edward Cullen, who had walked into the room just a few moments prior, turned a little knob on the wall beside the lightswitch and the lights got dim.
"And we're live, in 5...4...3...2..." A sign above the door lit up that said "LIVE" in green letters. The "stage" lights went up, too, but the rest of the room stayed dark. Fiyero rolled his eyes at the complexity and dramatics of it all, but started singing nonetheless. Er...well...doing his brief pre-song dialogue with Nessa, rather.
"Oui, my friends, ze day we have waited for may be at hand."
"Oh, if only that were true, Lumiere," Nessa said. Fiyero sighed. "Human again," he insisted. "Human again..." Nessa repeated.
"Yes, zink of what zat means..." Fiyero said. Then he started singing.
"I'll be cooking again, be good looking again, wiz a mademoiselle on each arm. When I'm human again, only human again, poised and polished and gleaming with charm. I'll be courting again, chic and sporting again-"
"Which should cause sev'ral husbands alarm," Nessa sang, the look on her face saying she actually believed it was true. Then ROK had to butt in and totally ruin the comedic moment.
"I'll hop down off the shelf-"
"And toute suite be myself!"
"I can't wait to be human again!"
An overly-eager Alice grabbed Nessa and Glinda by the wrists and ran to the front of the "stage" for their part. "When we're human again, only human again, when we're knick-knacks and whatnots no more!"
Then ROK, once again, ruined the moment.
"Little push, little shove, they could whoosh, fall in love!"
Luckily, Glinda shoved him out of the way as soon as he was done with his line.
"Ah, cherie, won't it all be top drawer? I'll wear lipstick and rouge, and I won't be so huge-Why, I'll easily fit through that door! I'll exude savior-faire, I'll wear gowns, I'll have hair! It's my prayer to be human again."
Boq did not look very happy, but he, like the others, feared the wrath of Her Mad Majesty of Muchness, so he did as he had been told. "When I'm human again, only human again, when the world once more starts making sense, I'll unwind for a change-"
"Really? Zat'll be strange!" (AN: Can you not just see his face when he says this? Ha! Classic!)
"Can I help it if I'm t-t-tense?" Here, Boq paused and shoved Fiyero to the side, scowling.
Maggie frowned and shook her head, writing something on the clipboard as she watched from the rainbow peace sign covered director's chair that had magically appeared sometime during the song. Renesmee Cullen, who was sitting cross-legged on the floor next to the chair with her father standing behind her, shoved a handful of popcorn in her mouth and grinned, waving excitedly at her pixie aunt.
"In a shack by the sea, I'll sit back sipping tea, let my early retirement commence! Far from fools made of wax, I'll get down to brass tacks, and RELAX!"
"When I'm human again! So sweep the dust from the floor, let's let some light in the room. I can feel, I can tell someone might break the spell any day now!"
Fiyero did some kind of weird eyebrow wiggly thing, somehow managing to make it look sexy, of course, as he sang his next line; "Shine up ze brass on ze door..."
Never one to be outdone, Alice did a perfect grand jetè across the front of the stage for her line, which she sang in a perfect French accent. "Alert ze dust pail and broom!"
"If all goes as planned, our time may be at hand any day now!"
With a look on her face that said, "Finally!" Nessa sang her part. "Open the shutters and let in some air. Put these over here and put those over there."
"Sweep up the years, the sadness and tears, and throw them away..."
Grabbing the wand from her bag, Maggie held it above her head and shouted, "WHA-CHAAAAA!" then there was a poof! and Fiyero was in a totally different costume, having been magically teleported across the "stage" to the floor in front of the love seat, where Elphaba was sitting with a book.
Glaring daggers at Maggie, Elphaba started reading.
"...When Guinevere heard that Arthur was slain, she stole away to a convent, and no one could ever make her smile again...The end."
Smiling like a blissful idiot, Fiyero said, "What a beautiful story..." Maggie took note, however, that his eyes were on the green girl's cleavage.
How did she know this if his back was turned towards her, you ask? Maggie has ways of knowing these things, dear readers. Trade secrets that only she knows.
She also took note that Elphaba was looking at Fiyero's slightly exposed chest, probably oggling his diamond tattoos. But she did still say her lines, so the Authoress had to at least give her a little credit.
"I knew you would like it!...I'd like to ask you something."
"A second chance. Would you have dinner with me tonight?"
Fiyero took a moment to just sit there, stammering like a moron, then yelled, "HELL YEAH!" Visibly fuming, Maggie pointed the wand at him and waved it, teleporting him back to the main stage area and putting him back in his Lumiere costume.
"When we're human again, only human again, when the girl fin'lly sets us all free; cheeks a-bloomin' again, we're assumin' again, we'll resume our long lost joie de vrie! We'll be playin' again, holidayin' again, and we're prayin' it's A-S-A-P! When we cast off this pall, we'll stand straight, we'll walk tall, we'll be all that we were, thanks to him, thanks to her, coming closer and closer and closer and closer and closer and closer and...
"We'll...be...dancing again, we'll be twirling again, we'll be whirling around with such ease! When we're human again, only human again, we'll go waltzing those old one-two-threes! We'll be floating again, we'll be gliding again, stepping, striding as fine as you please! Like a real human does...I'll be all that I was...on that glorious morn when we're fin'lly reborn, and we're all of us human again!"
As everybody held the last note, Glinda started belting out Cheno notes at the top of her lungs, just as Maggie had requested.
The stage lights went off and Maggie jumped out of her chair, beaming a Pixie-esque smile as she clapped and cheered with Renesmee and Adam, both of whom had snuck in at some point without being noticed.
Edward, being Edward, just clapped calmly.
"THAT WAS FREAKING AMAZING, YOU GUYS!" Maggie yelled. "FIYERO, THAT ACCENT WAS TOTALLY KICK ASS, MAN! GLINDA, THOSE NOTES ALMOST MADE MY EARS BLEED! ELPHIE, YOU DIDN'T EVEN SING AND YOU BLEW MY MIND! NESSA, WHERE THE SHIZ DID YOU LEARN TO DANCE LIKE THAT? AND BOQ, WITH THE-THE-" Maggie blinked several times and shook her head. "YOU WERE INCREDIBLE, DUDE!"
"What about me?" ROK demanded, rudely shoving his way to the front. "Dude, nobody cares about you, get lost," the Authoress said in a way that was reminiscent of Sam Puckett from iCarly. In a puff of smoke, ROK vanished as quickly as he'd come.
"Guys, that was seriously...Wow. I can't even find the words for it. I need a picture of you all in your costumes, this is just so cool. Hang on, lemme get my camera."
"Don't bother! I recorded the whole thing on my camcorder!" Nessie announced, holding the small pink object up proudly. "And I video taped it so we can upload it to the computer and burn a DVD to watch later on!" Adam declared.
"Wait a minute, the COMPUTER?" Fiyero yelled. "Dude, if you put that on YouTube, you are a dead man, do you hear me? DEAD!" Adam shrugged. "Actually, I hadn't thought about that. But thanks for the idea!"
Fiyero could do nothing but stand and gape as Adam turned and left the room with the camera and a huge grin on his face in search of David and Dryxen to show them the video.
Finally, he found his voice and shouted, "YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS, LAMBERT, I SWEAR!"
He was about to say more, but cut himself off in surprise as Maggie suddenly threw her arms around him. "You guys are the best," she said happily. Fiyero couldn't help but smile.
Maggie unlatched herself, then turned to face the readers. (AN: lol, death of the fourth wall, anyone?) "Listen, guys," she said, "I am like SO insanely sorry for not updating for so long, I just got so caught up with other stories! My friend Twicked, a.k.a Gracie, a.k.a Ivana, a.k.a Cherry, a.k.a Thing One (AN: but only to me) has offered to help me host and co-author this, and I'm very seriously considering taking her up on that. In the meantime, I promise to have the next chapter up tomorrow, if not later today. Depends on how long it takes me to write, because it's almost dinner time where I am. So..."
She turned back to the Gang. "EVERYBODY GET SOME SLEEP, BECAUSE WE'VE GOT A LOT OF WORK AHEAD OF US TO MAKE UP FOR THIS!"
AN: Did you guys like my epic page break? XD BTW, Dryxen is one of my OC's, he's Fiyero's cousin.