It happened all too fast.
During the pregnancy, Sam had been with me every step of the way. He had attended every single one of my "Baby and Me" yoga lessons and held my hand through every single one of my doctor visits. I knew he would be a great father.
He stared at me...I mean, he always stared at me, but now it was weird. His eyes had a slight maniac edge too it, and that's where he's been lately. His eyes were always wide and mangled whenever I stood to get a glass of water. He always had this sense of animalistic instinct to protect me at all costs, but now it was just crazy.
He was so jittery and paranoid. that one time, he almost attacked Jared when he accidentally sneezed near me. It took all my will power to restrain him.
He never let me do any work, and for some reason, when he was speaking towards me, his eyes would trail down to my belly. It was very strange behavior, but I shrugged it off. After all, I loved him with all my heart.
During labor, he was with me through the pain. He whispered words of comfort and love and it was over before I knew it.
After the birth, and the three days mandatory stay in the hospital, we left for home. And Sam was even more weird.
I knew something was up when I woke up to him screaming "Leah" over and over again. I asked him what was up, but he'd always guiltily look at my scars and then back at his hands before shaking wildly and running out the house.
Yeah. Something very wrong was happening...
Levi was sleeping soundly to my quiet humming, on one sunny afternoon. He was my pride and joy. I loved him with all my heart.
And suddenly, I felt the door bust open and the noise startle me some. Unfortunately, Levi woke up and wailed uncontrollably
"Sam!" I hissed, picking up our three-month old child. "What's the matter with you?"
I began humming the song that had quiet him earlier, and bounced him around in hopes of calming him. I stared at Sam, alerting him that I was waiting for his answer.
"I'm sorry." Sam said absently. He had walked up to me, and grabbed my face and forced me to look at him in the eyes. "I have made a huge mistake"
It had been three months after our baby boy had been born, and they have been the happiest of my life.
Unfortunately, Sam had been acting strange. We never made love anymore, we never cuddled or talked like when we used to. It was like we lost our spark, but I knew that was impossible. This was an imprint. I shrugged it off as simply stress from pack-troubles.
Nonetheless, he failed to meet eye to eye with me on some issues, usually, when I argued with him long enough, he would fold and agree with everything I said. But now, he faced me head on and challenged me.
It was like he changed, like he didn't agree to do the same things we used to. Like he never agreed with a word I said, but only did, for the sake of the imprint.
No. I didn't want to think a like that.
"What's wrong, Sam?" I said, worried "What did you do?"
"It's over," Sam had said firmly "I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry, Emily, but I want a divorce"
My heart stopped. My arms locked in place, I felt my mouth pop in astonishment. The pain flooded my body within seconds. I felt the burn down in my toes all the way to my eyes. The stinging sensation very nearly blinded me.
My world tipped. I lost focus, and I remember vividly that I felt like millions of cotton balls filled my mouth. Like I couldn't speak. Was this some sort of cruel, poorly tasted joke?
I found myself gasping for air, and my hand clutching the counter for support. Sam immediately wrapped his large hands around my arms, to steady me.
"Emily," He spoke tenderly. His voice was wrong. It rough and jagged and manly; not sweet and gentile, like I was used to. This was not Sam Uley, he changed. This was not the man I fell in love with "I can't do this anymore. I can't love you."
"W-w-what are you talking about, Sam?" I couldn't understand how I could even speak.
"The imprint," Sam said, quietly releasing me "The elders were right. It was only for procreation. I never loved you."
"I'm sorry, Emily" he said sincerely "I never wanted this to happen. I would be willing to live this lie, for you and Levi. But my heart belongs to someone else, and I can't deny it any longer than I have. "
"W-w-why? S-sam?" I spoke again, holding my heart.
"You deserve someone who would love you for you" He said simply, angry that I had been robbed of that right. "I'm so sorry"
And that was the last thing I heard before collapsing entirely.
I had a sudden sense of Deja Vu, when I woke up in the hospital to see Sam hovering over me and Leah raising her eyebrows.
"Jeez, Emily" Leah said sarcastically "He breaks up with you, and you feint? At least I had enough decency to slap him"
"Leah," Sam spoke sternly. But this was not the Sam voice he always used to discipline her for her retorts, but it was filled with love. His eyes shone on her briefly before linger his eyes for me. It all didn't make sense. "Be nice"
"Excuse me," Leah said, her nose raising "Why the fuck are you even here? Stop fucking around with my cousin and leave her alone"
"Leah," Sam said, again filled with compassion and adoration "Please?"
"No, there is no please" Leah said angrily "I'm here because you told me my cousin was hurt. I don't need you. Go back and take your son."
Sam sighed, as if remembering little Levi for the first time. But there was something that spread on his face...what looked like regret?
"Leave," Leah said again "I need to talk to Emily. Now, scram"
Sam looks conflicted but agrees to leave. On his way out, he looks at Leah one more time. "I'm really sorry, Leah. You don't know how badly I wish things were different."
"Makes no difference to me, asshole" She said simply "You hurt me and now you hurt my cousin, again? Fuck you, Uley. Go take care of your son"
And with that, he hung his head low and shut the door loudly. I stare at the white wall for a long while before crying ruthlessly.
Leah didn't bother holding me, or telling me everything was okay. Instead, she stood there watching me tiredly as if she really didn't want to be here. She crossed her arms across her chest and sighed annoyingly more than once. I suddenly felt very agitated.
I finally grew enough strength to argue "Why are you even here! You've ruined my life enough"
And to my utter astonishment, she laughed. Like really laughed. She cackled, slapped her knee a few times and actually sat down clutching her sides as if she was being tortured with tickles. I heard a few off-pitch notes here and there, and watched her doing that for at least five minutes.
The air was filled with violent crying and hysterical laughter. One would confuse us for mental patients. I was actually feeling a little insane right now.
"What's so funny?" I grit through my teeth.
"I ruined your life?" She manages to choke out, before breathing in and out to control herself "You've got to be the most self-centered bitch in the entire universe, if you truly believe that"
I snarled but she only laughed more.
"Emily, you ruined your own life" she said "You stole my boyfriend, that I loved for four years, and claim I ruin your life? Get real, bitch"
"Whats your point, Leah?" I said, wiping my eyes "Looking to rub salt in my wounds?"
"Oh like you aren't guilty of doing that" She snapped, and she continued to proceed, mocking me in some barbie-like voice. "'Oh, Leah. You must be my Maid of Honor. My wedding wouldn't be complete without you' Bull-freaking-shit. You never cared about me, Em. You only wanted to prove that you were better than me. But here you are, lying in a hospital bed because he broke up with you. Good God, I could write a lifetime movie about this"
"Why are you here?" I repeated.
"To explain what happened," she said simply "Since I knew you'd be all like 'oh, what happened' when you woke up, the elders sent me to explain."
I rolled my eyes "Fine. I'll bite"
"Well," Leah said, smiling goofy like "Sam didn't imprint on you because you're his 'soul mate' or any of that bullshit you believe, but rather because you have better genes to create some freaky wolf child, hence little ol' Levi"
"Sam and I are soul mates." I said stubbornly "He loved me—"
"That's where you're wrong." she said, coyly. For some reason she was giddy. "It only seemed like he loved you because he wanted to get in your pants. Scientifically speaking, he was basically kissing your ass and telling you he 'loves' you, just so you'd get preggers with his little sperm children. In fact, he was willing to get married since you're celibate and all that nice stuff"
"I don't believe that" I said, raising my nose in the air.
"Thats up to you" Leah said "There is no hiding from fact. Emily, you never fell in love with Sam. You fell in love with a guy you created. You changed him according to your needs, and he was willing to do so, because you would be carrying his child. Simple fact"
"I-I-I..." I couldn't speak. "How c-could—?"
"Yeah, I know. Terrible right?" She laughed "I might feel sorry for you, if you weren't the reason why he dumped me. But hey, an eye for an eye right? We're even now, and well, your does situation suck. I gotta admit"
"How can I even believe you?" I said, doubting her words even more. Denial, is what one could call it. "How do I know you aren't making this up?"
"Honestly, Emily. He broke up with you. That's not a joke"
I stiffened when she reminded me of that awful day. Leah noticed and rolled her eyes.
She took a seat at the end of my bed "Well, Emily. I realized firstly, that Sam had changed dramatically, after he imprinted on you. Do you remember a time when he told you he was 'pro-life'?"
I nodded furiously. I do remember that. There was vivid conversation with Sam that I will always hold dear to my heart:
"What's your stance on abortion?" I had quizzed him one day, interested in his opinion. A man's political views were always important for me, so I had to drill him on the basics.
"I...uh..." I remember him stammering on that question, for some reason "What's your stance?"
I answered all too eagerly "I'm pro-life, one hundred percent. Abortion is murder"
And then I remember Sam's face twist into many different things, before smiling "Me too"
That was one of the first times when I fell in love with him.
"Hey, earth to Emily" Leah snapped in my face "Sam's not pro-life. He's pro-choice. He only said that cause you were. Do you see where I'm getting at? He changed himself for you, all because he was pulled towards you in some freaking wolf-bond crap"
"No!" I yelled "He's pro-life! I know he is."
"Stop being stupid, Emily" She said, tiredly "Sam is pro-choice. He's the biggest liberal on this planet. I should know, I was his real girlfriend for four years"
"He lied?" I asked, heartbroken.
"No, Emily. He never lied. He simply gave you the answer you wanted." she said, bitterly "That's all you did to him. You changed him for your own personal needs. And he did it. Now look where it got you."
I rubbed my face over my face millions of times before sighing loudly "I can't believe this, Leah. What about Levi?"
Leah's face suddenly grew vindictive. "I know. I can't believe he's doing this. Not after he...not after he had a child with you."
I swallowed whole before feeling my eyes fill with tears "Why is this happening to me?"
"I asked myself this question millions of times," She said, honestly "And no one answered me. You didn't care to talk to me, you didn't care to take care of me when I cried. And now, you're all alone. It hurts, doesn't it?"
I nodded my head, before bawling my eyes out on my pillow.
"I remember when I cried like that," she said, "No one cared, Emily. Not even you, so why am I here right now? I don't know"
"Leah, I'm so sorry. I wish...I wish this never happened."
"You and I both," Leah said
I groaned loudly "What am I gonna do?"
And she looked at me in the eyes for a long time, as if contemplating. Before she finally settled on this: "Grow some balls and get through it"
And those were the most truest words ever spoken.
"Did you know Sam is trying to get back together with me?" Leah said absently, while she drove me back home.
My heart panged at those words "No..."
"I remember when you told me that after he broke up with me" Leah muses, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel "I remember hating you, so much. You must hate me, don't you?"
I closed my eyes and felt another batch of tears "No. I hate myself..."
Leah reluctantly rubbed my back in soothing comfort. "I would never do that, Emily." she reassures "You know that"
And when she pulled over at my house, and decided to walk me to the door, I felt the coldness of her tone. But nothing felt warm to me anymore.
"Wanna know why I wouldn't?" She says as we walk towards my door, and stands outside the door frame to look at me. "Because I love myself. I respect myself. And I would never betray a sister"
With the end of that, she slams the door and leaves myself to wallow away in self-pity, and suicidal thoughts.
Three months later.
The divorce was finalized. Sam gave me everything for Levi and I. I even received full custody, though Sam did visit on the weekends.
Every single Saturday, when he comes back, he has this look of pity in his eyes. I bite my lip, unable to take that from the man I love.
He lost everything he felt for me, and I still felt it full-on, everyday. How unfair had life been? I finally understood how Leah felt. It hurt even more to see him look at me like that, it even hurt more because I saw him every single day.
Leah and I made amends, but it wasn't the same. There was this elephant in the room whenever she came by, it was obvious that Sam had been trying to talk to Leah for a while now.
Leah had stronger will than I did, but I knew it was only a matter of time before they got together. The loved each other too much.
Leah and I took care of Levi regardless. Our meetings were often Sam-oriented. She told me about he threw rocks at her window or how he bought her roses on her birthday. She was not afraid to bash him publicly.
"Leah," I said, one day. When I was feeling weak. I never wanted to hear his name again. I just wanted it to be over "He loves you. Just go back to him. I'll forgive you."
That pissed her off "I can't believe you! You ungrateful bitch! I spend most of my days taking care of you and your soon-to-be wolf brat, and here you go telling me to get back with him?"
I remained silent. Surprised with her reaction.
"How could you? He hurt me! He hurt you! He dumped you because too immature and dense to take care of the family he created. Why would I ever want a man like that?"
"You love him" I stated simply.
"I do Emily" She admits, her tone still fierce "But you're my sister. Regardless of the fact that you did it to me, I would never think of betraying you"
"No. You obviously think lowly of me. You think I hate myself enough to be you? You think I'm not strong enough? You think all women have to be passive?"
She stared at me long and hard, before walking out the house and slamming the door. She never came back.
And that was the end of our friendship. That was the end of Sam and I. The beginning of my lonely life filled with crying baby that had a crappier future destined for him than I do.
I tried to date again, but no one was interested in a scarred face single mom. No one wanted me. I gave up my beauty for a man who broke my heart. I gave up everything for him.
I had nightmares about Sam everyday. I still loved him with all my heart. I still loved him even though he caused me so much grief. I still loved him through the adversity.
But the depression hit hard, and the pain followed soon enough. I was no stranger to it, now. I was snappy and broken all the time. I never baked muffins again. The pack never visited me, again.
My old life was thrown in the garbage disposal, and filled with tears of my own soul and my child. A child that grew to look like his father. A child that reminded me of heartbreak every time I saw him.
It was like faith hated me. It was like Karma was paying me back, but charged me ten times more. It was like the universe wished for me to live a miserable life, just for the hell of it. It was like the world hated me.
And I couldn't even take my life. I had a son to take care of.
AN: Liberal pride.