A/N: Written for the PR Drabble meme on LJ. I know this may not seem like Puckleberry at first, but trust. I'm reasonably certain I don't know how to write anything else. Thanks to Pristhebest for the creative consult.
Look, Brittany's awesome, but sometimes she just wants dick, okay? Even if it's Finn's.
Truth? She has to make do now that Puck's off the market. And hell, Finn's big enough, which you bet your ass, she likes. Best of all, he does what he's told, which isn't something that she could ever count on with Puck anyway. Sure he always, always got her off, but then he also blew her off just as often. Finn on the other hand? She might have to tell him everything from, 'pick me up at 7:00,' to 'pay the check,' to 'an inch to the left and harder for Christ's sake,' but at least she knows it's going to get done that way. (Heh, kind of like masturbation that way, but again, with dick.)
So really, when she smiles and purrs an invite to Finn to come over and help her 'practice' after Glee, she's pleased, but not surprised when he shows up on her doorstep with his hands in his pockets and that aw-shucks grin on his face. Even better, he actually seems to have figured out that the only practice they're going to be doing is between the sheets. So yeah, it's okay, twice. But then, he just doesn't seem to get the idea that it's time to leave and she's got no idea why.
"Finn, you should go home now."
"Sure San. This was really hot. And you know, fun and everything," he says with a yawn and a stretch.
"No shit. We'll have to do it the next time I'm..." (bored? horny?) She trails off looking for the right word, but he doesn't seem to notice and damn, he's still not moving. Jesus, where the fuck are his clothes? "Look, Hudson, like I said, it's been nice, but my papi will be home soon and he threatened to cut the balls off the next boy he found here, so you should probably..."
"Hey, did you happen to see Puck and Rachel at Glee today?"
Did he actually just interrupt her? If this wasn't so fucking funny, she'd be seriously pissed. "Hard to miss the two of them when Puck had his hand all over Rachel's ass and it looked like she was trying to inhale his tonsils."
He runs his hand through his hair. "Yeah, about that. Do you think they're going out now or something?"
Oh, this is good. "He asked her to prom, genius. So I'd say there's a pretty strong chance of it. What's it to you anyway, Hudson? You're the one who dumped her."
Propping himself up on one elbow, he knits his brow together. "I dunno. I think she's trying to make me jealous. I guess I always seem to like her the most when I can't have her. Do you think I should sing her a song or something?"
She's never going to admit this because, if anything, it's worse than admitting that she likes Glee, but Rachel Berry kind of grows on you. And sure, so does mold, but whatever. Rachel's kind of hot, and she doesn't hold a grudge. Not to mention, she's largely responsible for the bright new Regionals trophy currently taking up a butt-load of space in the choir room and Santana likes trophies. And putting Puck's massive douchery aside, he's still kind of her boy. So she's going to do the two of them a solid and shut Frankenteen down right now. (They can thank her later. With a threesome if they want.)
"Listen up, dumbass. She's not with Puck to make you jealous, she's with Puck because he wants her. All the time. Just the way she is. Diva attitude, talking a mile a minute, short skirts, crazy ambition and all. And it's pretty obvious that she likes him for more than just the amazing orgasms," and here she shrugs and looks him up and down, "so more power to them."
God, she's had enough. All this do-gooder stuff is as boring as shit. Thank fuck she hears the front door opening and it's just her little sister off the activities bus, but Finn doesn't have to know that.
"Shit! That's my papi!" She tosses his clothes in his face and watches, amused, as he hops up and down trying to yank his jeans up. His shirt is only half-on as he scrambles out the window and by the time he on the sidewalk, digging frantically in his pockets for his keys, she's laughing.
Still naked, she grabs her phone and flops back on her bed to call Brit. Fuck. Is dick really worth all this? Seriously, she should just go online and buy Brittany a strap-on.
Finn breaks up with Rachel because "I want you most when I can't have you."
When Rachel starts dating Puck, Finn wants her back. Someone (Rachel, Puck, one of the Gleeks, Ms. Pillsbury, idk) tells him to give up because she's not with Puck to make Finn want her again, she's with Puck because he wants her all the time exactly as she is.