Foot-In-Mouth Disease

A HariPo oneshot

by mew-tsubaki

Note: The Harry Potter characters belong to J.K. Rowling, not me. This pairing was discovered by me, so please gimme a little mention if you write them! Thanks! It is one of many of Mew and Mor's Weird Pairings, most of which you may find in my forum topic in the HPFC, found here (Just take out the spaces!): http : / forum. fanfiction. net/ topic /44309 /25299326 /1/ Read, review, and enjoy! And check out and join the forum challenge! WARNING! This is rated M for a reason! Turn back now if you can't handle M slash, 'kay? I don't wanna be blamed for scarring anyone! XD –mew (This is also the sequel to "Evader," which I strongly suggest you read first—don't worry; it's tame compared to this.)

- ^-^3

Freddie drew in a deep hiss and shivered. "Oh… Oh…Merlin!"

The blonde under his body involuntarily clenched the sheets in his fists. He arched his back just as Freddie moved his torso forward with one more good, hard shove. And then this blonde wizard, by the name of Scorpius, moaned—which was music to both their ears.

Fred Weasley (the second, my good audience) collapsed in a heap beside his lover—oh, how the word still tingled on his tongue…and other certain areas—for a bit of well-deserved rest. His breathing was jagged and hoarse. For a good part of the night, he'd been making sounds, too. But what he did best was cause those kinds of delicious sounds.

Scorpius rolled onto his side and crashed his lips onto Freddie's, still tasting salty sweet. He locked his grey eyes on the sepia ones he had yearned for for so long. "That…has been your best night yet," he breathed, half of it coming out as a chuckle.

"Our best night," the brunette corrected. His eyes roved over Scor's body, loving how the sheen of sweat on his body made him look ethereal, like an…an angel.

His angel.

The thought thrilled him. It was only a few short months ago that Scorpius had set things straight. The Malfoy heir had never meant to date the female Weasley twin, Roxanne. He'd meant her brother, Freddie, but things had happened too fast more than a year ago…until Scorpius had finally made his move months ago. And Freddie was ridiculously happy for that.

Roxie still tugged at the back of Fred's mind, though. While he was mostly over the guilt of having ever liked his sister's boyfriend back, there was still the family, the sibling loyalty he felt that told him that his relationship was wrong. He was still careful not to say anything about Scorpius around Roxanne, but he wasn't going to hide Scor away. He would go out into public with him, even if they did keep it tame.

Of course, keeping things tame all the time just built up their passion, which they had finally started to release three weeks ago.

Scorpius' favorite inside joke with Freddie was that Scor was so glad he was the Slytherin Head Boy. It meant he and Freddie could have all the privacy they could ever want.

But Freddie was the one with the…er, "snake."

The blonde laid his head back on a plush green pillow. He glanced at the Gryffindor briefly and released a snort. "Holy shit… You're still hung!"

Freddie grinned and sat up, though he was fairly sore. "I dunno… I guess I'm biologically blessed that way. I mean, most of my uncles were the wild types and each was pretty popular with the witches back in the day." He winked. "There's also Grandpa Weasley. How else could Grandmam Weasley have borne seven children?"

They laughed, and the sound echoed in the otherwise silent bedroom. Scorpius groped around the nightstand on his side of the bed for his wand. "I'm starving…"

"Funny—me, too."

The blonde quirked an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Scorpius, have you ever heard of an Apathetic Acromantula?"

The Slytherin gave his love a look. "No."

"Good. Because I just thought it up and I'd love to see if it's possible."

- ^-^3

The following morning and several days were just as good as the last. Since the Roxanne incident and Freddie and Scorpius' subsequent secret hook-up, things had been fine. Obviously for the couple, things couldn't be better. Freddie was certain Scor's bum was feeling a little tender, so he was plenty happy to spend the Saturday actually getting some homework done.

Freddie joined his sister and cousin, Rose, in the Gryffindor common room to catch up on a Divination essay. Rose told the twins that they ought to put more thought into their Divination charts; the twins thought it better to follow Uncle Harry and Uncle Ron's advice—make up the most disastrous shit ever.

"I will take a nice little trip down the hall of the moving staircases and hit my head on each and every available stone step," Roxanne stated aloud proudly as she marked Mars' position in Neptune.

"I'm going to be gnawed on by a thestral—y'know, since I can't see them, it'll be easy for one to sneak up on me and claim that I'm yummy," her brother said with a snort as he drew Jupiter's moons. "You'll find me in pieces at Hagrid's doorstep."

Rose rolled her blue eyes. "You two will never learn."

"Says you. Uncle Ron is your father."

Rose's cheeks flushed slightly as she buried her nose in her schoolwork. She scowled. "And your father didn't finish school. Do you want to follow in his footsteps?"

Freddie gritted his teeth and glared at his cousin with Roxie. There were some times when Rose was as insufferable as Aunt Hermione.

The twins continued their homework in laughing undertones away from Rose then. Roxanne made a few suggestions to her brother, but she also leaned over his shoulder to read what else he had marked. "You'll accidently smother yourself in silk pillows? We don't have silk pillows. The ones at home are cotton and the ones here are all satin."

He gave a nervous laugh. "Err, yeah, satin. I was trying to think of the word, sorry. I guess 'silk' was just on the tip of my tongue." There was one place in Hogwarts where there were silk pillows, though…

The witch nodded. "You know what else should be on the tip of your tongue? A good ol' prank. We haven't pulled anything in a while. Since…well, you know." Roxanne picked at the armchair's cushion and quieted. She'd come to avoid saying Scorpius' name as much as she needed, and even when she felt like adding him to any one of her sentences, half the time she referred to him as "the prat-arse."

"Well, we should think of something good. Not only will Al and Rose be graduating at the end of the year, but so will Lysander and Lorcan," Freddie stated. He also thought sadly that so would Scorpius. He hid a frown as a pang of disappointment caught him in the chest.

"Lorc, right…," she repeated, dwelling a moment on their best mate. "I've had to deal with him more on my own lately, by the way. What have you been up to? We could've done something recently, all three of us."

Her brother glanced at the common room fireplace. "Eh, I've been…here-and-there." Freddie was a bit worried, as this was heading into Scorpius territory. "I've, uh…been working on some Wheeze ideas," he fibbed.

That brightened things. "Really? When can Lorcan and I see them?"

He hesitated. "I dunno… I'm not sure of the mechanics on a few… I think I want to run a couple of ideas by Dad first."

Roxie pouted. "No fair." She flipped her shaggy dark brown hair over her shoulder. "But I guess it can't be helped. When genius strikes, one mustn't impede it."

Freddie laughed. "'Impede'? Now I'm starting to wonder if you've been hanging out with Rose more than Lorcan!"

"Oh, shut it." Roxanne put away some of her things. "I actually wanted to ask Lorc something, though… Oh, you don't have anything planned for next weekend, right? I was thinking we could all enjoy a good Quidditch game."

"Yeah, sure. I'm up for it, I s'pose."

"Great." His sister stood, pecked his cheek, and winked. "I'll see you later. I'm gonna grab an early bite of lunch and then head to the library."

Freddie gestured to his table laden with homework and called as Roxie walked away, "You know where to find me!" Then he was on his own.

All-in-all, a spot of Quidditch didn't seem like that all horrible an idea. Maybe Scorpius would even be welcome. And then… Then maybe everything would be all right between everyone. Because, honestly, that was what would make everything perfect in Fred's life.

Yet he had plenty of experience to tell him that life can't ever be perfect. Unfortunately, he would remind himself of that very soon.

- ^-^3

During the middle of the following week, Freddie ventured the most taboo subject of all with his twin and asked her if Scorpius could join their game. After all, Scorpius was Al's best mate, and he was like another Weasley-Potter family addition anyway.

And, oh yeah, he just happened to be Freddie's boyfriend these days.

Roxanne was reluctant at first. "I'm not sure…"

"Come on!" Freddie summoned all his strength not to yell at her in frustration. "This… This will get us on the path to being friends again. We should at least try to rebuild those bridges."

Roxie raised her eyebrows. "Are you sure? Because you got hurt in all of this, too. He likes you in that way, Fred."

"Pssh. It's no big deal."


"Really, really. I can fend him off." Though of course Freddie didn't feel the desire to…

She breathed a huge sigh of relief. "Well, okay, then. If you think you'll be fine, then he can join us." She appeared to have regained a bit of impishness in her grin. "Besides, if he tries anything, you'll have the whole family there to protect you."

Freddie grinned back, a little scared on the inside. "…yeah!"

They parted then so Roxanne could go to Music and Freddie could make his way to Muggle Studies. Scorpius caught up with him in the halls. "Hey, Freddie. You look a little pale."

"Nah, it's nothing."

However, Scorpius wasn't with him just for the tail. Scorpius could read Fred like the back of his hand. "Freddie, what are you up to?"

"Umm…wanna play Quidditch Saturday?"

Scorpius raised an eyebrow, but he couldn't get a word in since the late bell rang. Fred gave him a quick kiss when the coast was clear and then left his boyfriend on his own. Oh, yeah. Things would go sooo swimmingly.

- ^-^3

That Saturday morning, things fell to shit as easily as a Pygmie Puff could slurp bogies.

Anyone who knew him wouldn't describe Freddie Weasley as a morning person. It wasn't that he had a bad attitude, but he was always groggy until the midday drew near and it always left him rather bleary. His family and even Scorpius had had plenty of experience with his morning state of mind—

But this morning that state clearly worked against him.

He made it down to breakfast without much trouble and took his seat across from Lorcan. Lorcan raised his eyebrows and Fred grinned; he hadn't come down from the Gryffindor dormitories that morning. Freddie had spent the night in Scor's Head Boy room again and he was feeling pretty good. The Ravenclaw rolled his eyes and chuckled, happy for his friend but not wanting any info at the same time.

As everyone came to join them, Freddie's stomach growled. He looked at the table to see what the house-elves had whipped up, but he couldn't quite decide. After all, his mind wasn't really there with him.

"Merlin, Freddie!" Roxanne laughed. "You're stomach sounds like you ate the Gryffindor lion! What's the reason for your lack of energy?"

It was an accident, and Freddie will swear that 'til the day he dies, because it was the worst thing possible to blurt out and it was also the worst kind of table talk, too, but—"Bloody hell, Scorpius is a damn good shag."

Now, allow me to paint a visual for you: On one side of the Gryffindor table sat Rose, Freddie, and Scorpius, and no, Freddie didn't mind being in the middle. Opposite them sat Roxanne, Lorcan, and Al. See, the last time Freddie had sat next to Scorpius, something disastrous had happened. Well, it appeared that this might always be the case, as Roxanne's smile shattered, Al snorted into his pumpkin juice and splashed himself with his drink, Rose simultaneously blushed and gaped at her cousin, and Lorcan grumbled something annoyingly like "When will these idiots ever learn?"

Chaos ensued.

It only took 0.2 seconds for Roxanne's shock to turn into rage. At first, she turned on Scorpius, seemingly ready to tear into him for "corrupting" her brother again. Instead she faced her twin, and the frown on her face coupled with her angry, glassy eyes was the winning combination: Freddie floundered. "It was just easier to pin it on him, you know." She stood up and flipped her plate up, tossing her breakfast all over her brother's front. Then she left the Great Hall.

"Roxanne! Roxie!" Lorcan called after her. He faced his best mate. "Fred, you moron. Ought I to train you not to let these things happen?" He heaved a great sigh and turned away from him. "Rose, would you give me a hand?"

Rose got up to leave with Lorcan and Al disappeared, too, for he couldn't let his clothes stain. That left the two lovers.

If they could still be called that.

Hesitantly, Freddie turned to Scorpius. "Um, sorry about that, Scor… It just slipped out. Uhh, at least it's a compliment…" But his face drained of all color when Scorpius just stared down at his eggs. "Scor…?"

The Malfoy's face was a bright red to match Rose's hair and he was clearly livid. This was scary and new to Freddie, for he'd never seen Scorpius like this, even before they'd been together. It just wasn't like Scorpius.

"Scor…?" Fred repeated.

There was a harsh noise as Scorpius drew in a sharp breath in what was a sure attempt to reign in his fury. He, too, finally stood, pushing against the table with both of his hands. But he still said nothing, making Freddie worry even more. Worse yet, people around them were stopping to stare and inquire what was happening.

Freddie fought down his embarrassment to no avail. "Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy, will you please come clean with me?" he breathed in undertones that he knew his parents wouldn't have tolerated. Speaking like that was too like Aunt Hermione, a chronic worrier and control-freak.

The blonde wizard finally glared at his love and spat, "That was the last thing you should've said to anyone, Fred." Then he stomped out of the Great Hall.

In a room full of students and teachers, Freddie had never felt more alone.

- ^-^3

With such a large family as the Weasley-Potter one, it was hard not to find love. Fred and Roxanne had five uncles (six if you counted Freddie's namesake) and four aunts. They had their two grandmothers and two grandfathers. They had a plentitude of cousins and friends. And they had each other.

So Freddie tried not to let it get to him that he had partially ostracized himself. Al and Rosie didn't know what to say. Freddie wasn't going to tell his parents—at least, not yet. Maybe not ever. With how cold things were between him and Scorpius, Freddie didn't even know if there would be anything to tell. Freddie's sleepy state had caught him off-guard and he was sure that he had not managed to shove one foot in his large gob but both.

And then there was Roxanne. It killed him to have his twin, his other half cast him off as though he were a worn-out quill. To Roxie, it were as though she didn't have a twin. So cold was she that Freddie began to entertain the idea of not bothering to heal their relationship. He knew his sister well; they had always been two halves of a whole, anyway. And Roxanne was stubborn. If she felt one way, then it was very unlikely she'd feel the opposite.

As much as it pained him, Freddie knew he had to make a choice. It would be hard and easy at once.

He had to give up Scorpius.

It was torture to think of losing Scorpius. Scorpius was the only real connection Freddie felt he'd made outside of his family and the Scamander twins. Scorpius was just…in Freddie's skin. Freddie…

Oh, no. He couldn't…but he did.

Freddie loved Scorpius. Which made giving him up all the worse.

But Fred knew he had to do it. Family was forever and he couldn't live forever without having his twin by his side. So…so what if he happened to love that damned Slytherin? He could surely find another love somewhere down the road, later in life… It couldn't be all that hard.

A nagging voice reminded Freddie just how hard things had been months ago in order to reach the point at which he and Scor already had arrived.

Yet that was it. It was a hard and simple decision. Freddie could follow this logic; it wasn't warp at all. So now he just had to do the next hard thing and start to mend things with Roxie.

Yep. There'd be other Scor—Malfoys. There'd be other Malfoys. But there was only one Roxanne.

- ^-^3

It was a while later—maybe two-ish weeks—when Freddie supposed Roxanne had cooled off enough to even venture a chat with him. Fred wished he'd had Lorcan to practice with; he still wasn't all that sure that Roxie would want to even hear him out. But Lorcan had been busy staying by Roxanne's side, and Fred couldn't help but feel a bit resentful that his best mate had finally picked between them.

The male Weasley twin headed toward the Owlery on a cool Sunday afternoon; Rose had said Roxanne was mailing their mother, Angelina. Fred prayed that it wasn't about what had happened…but what could he do? Everywhere he went, he left a path of trouble in his wake.

Well, at least Roxanne was there.

Freddied steeled himself and marched forward—until he heard another voice speaking with his sister. He knew this disgruntled voice well and grimaced. Go figure that Lorcan would be attached to her hip again.

"…tough," Roxie said, heaving a sigh.

"I know," Lorcan said. "Even I'm surprised that slipped out of his mouth." Freddie frowned at that, feeling very small.

There was a pause. "You knew?"

Instead of a screaming match ensuing, Lorcan answered calmly, "Yes. I could see that Scorpius really had an interest in him. And Freddie… Well, Freddie couldn't hide his curiosity."

"Why didn't you tell me?" She sounded deflated.

Freddie watched in the reflection of a window as Lorcan put a comforting arm around Rox's shoulders. "You were still upset by Scorpius' betrayal…"

The witch sniffed, a little uncharacteristic as she always tried to show her backbone. "He had the wrong twin, didn't he?"

Lorcan hesitated, but he answered positively with a frown. "It's more than just an attraction, though, Roxie."

She gritted her teeth and shook her head. "I can't believe my brother, though! He must've been laughing behind my back this whole time since he had what he wanted!"

The Scamander boy was stern in his tone. "Roxanne, that's one thing you have wrong. Your brother loves you more than anything. He almost completely squelched things ages ago because Scorpius had made you cry. He wasn't going to be with the bloke who hurt you."

"Then why is he?" she retorted, glaring.

Lorcan met her gaze. "You can't expect him to sacrifice something so big, Roxanne."


"They kept things secret because Freddie—even Scor—didn't want to hurt you. But Freddie and Scor… They're something. I don't doubt that it's something akin to love."

"But Scor had been going out with me and I thought Fred was a victim of Scorpius' undesired attentions!"

Lorcan covered her mouth with his hand to shut her up. "Roxanne, do you honestly want your twin to be miserable with you even if happiness is staring him right in the face? Because he got the message."

Roxanne looked at him confusedly. "Wha…?"

"He hasn't been with Scorpius at all. It's obvious he's put you before a boyfriend."

Freddie blushed as Rox was humbled. Lorcan really was a great best mate; sure, he could sympathize with Roxanne, but he also knew when to take her down a peg and stand up for Fred. Freddie felt a little bit better than e had for the first time in weeks.

"Really," Lorcan confirmed though Roxie hadn't said anything. "So I suggest you reevaluate what's more important: your determination to stay angry over your hurt, or your brother."

Freddie didn't have to hear more. He knew that now Lorcan had voiced it, Roxanne would change her mind. There were only two people in the world who could do that: Lorcan and Freddie. As Freddie had been the object of her irritation, Lorcan had been somewhat of a last hope. The brunette wizard turned and walked away, just out of earshot when Roxanne answered Lorcan.

"Freddie, duh. And I hope you do realize your psychology bullshit isn't any way to romance me, Lorc."

- ^-^3

Freddie relished a little bit more of the sunshine before diving into the shadows of the Dungeons. Surely Lorcan had managed to get Roxanne to come around. If that was so, then maybe Freddie didn't have to give up on Scorpius.

Maybe…Maybe he could see if it really was love he was feeling so strongly for the seventh year.

The sixth year marched right up to the Head Boy's door and knocked. No one answered, but Freddie wanted to give it an earnest effort to speak with Scorpius. He knocked again, and the door opened, so Fred entered.

Scorpius lay in bed, his shirt unbuttoned and wrinkled. He opened one eye as Freddie neared him. "Ah."

Fred grimaced. "You don't have to look so disappointed," he griped. Though he noted that a disgruntled Scor was cute and this disheveled Scor was very sexy…crap, Freddie needed to focus. He had come here with one thing in mind.

"Can I help you, Weasley?"

"Oh, shut it." Freddie rolled his eyes and refocused them on his love's face. "I wanted to talk things out."

"If I don't want to?"

"Can't." Freddie sat down on the bed, keeping himself in check when Scor shrank away from him. "You've got to talk since I'm the one with the questions."

Scorpius groaned and got up. "Oh? Then spit them out, genius. You're so good at that."

Freddie bit back a remark. "Why can't you just be civil with me?" He patiently waited for an answer while the blonde removed his shirt and flipped through his closet for something else to wear. The brunette ignored the growing stiffness in his pants; if he thought about the effect Scor was having on him, then they'd get nowhere.

The Malfoy, on the other hand, took his sweet time. He answered instead of making a top choice. "You said something so incredibly inappropriate, you know."

Of course it would come to this. It was the root of their problems. They were the root of their problems… "I'm sorry. It's just, I guess I was still on a bit of a love high from the night before." Freddie paused, then ventured, "You really are great, though." He said it in a small voice, hoping it would be decently received.

Scorpius pursed his lips. "That was personal."

"What do you want me to say? I am sorry. But I also feel like I don't know for half of what I'm apologizing!"

"You were my first!"

The room went quiet as Fred processed what Scorpius said. "Wait…what? You mean…?"

His cheeks were tinged pink as he strutted back to the bed and hovered his face over Freddie's. "I was a virgin until you and I screwed more than a month ago."

Freddie gaped at him. His mouth hung open as he cringed under Scor's presence. He…He had really deflowered Scor…? Freddie… Well, more than a year ago, Freddie had had a small fling with a witch from Hufflepuff and he had made the mistake of sleeping with her…but Scorpius had been Fred's first real relationship and… Wow, to learn he was the one with more experience… It truly stunned the Weasley.

"Any more questions?" Scorpius asked, his voice low. His face was so near Freddie's now.

"Uh, n-no… I mean, it's nothing to be ashamed of…" Freddie mustered a half-grin. "You'll…You'll learn, Scor."

The blonde smirked and let his hands wander to the bulge in his lover's pants. Scorpius stroked it slowly as he took an agonizingly long time to unzip Freddie. "I'm sure I will, Freddie."

"Wuh-Wait!" Freddie exclaimed as Scorpius grabbed his full length. "Don't be so hasty! Take it easy. Take—"

Scorpius Frenched him and shoved his tongue so far into Freddie's throat that the brunette nearly gagged. When he pulled back, he smiled and pushed his love back against the silk pillows. "I think I can handle this one myself, thanks."

Freddie closed his eyes and felt the adrenaline pumping all throughout his body. Scorpius really was capable of handling Fred all by himself. His touch and taste were glorious…!

The blonde lifted his head and finished undressing them both. He trailed little kisses along Freddie's stomach, stopping right before resuming his prior action. "I enjoyed the Apathetic Acromantula last time, by the way."

"Huh, wuh…? Oh, oh yeah… That was marvelous…"

"You know, Freddie, I'd love to try a Red-Cap Round Up."

"A wha—?" But his question was answered as fingers and lips went to places only a lover could know.

So Freddie knew. Scorpius knew him physically and emotionally inside and out. Scorpius completed him. Scorpius was his one true love. Besides, he couldn't say anything stupid otherwise. His mouth was a little full.

- ^-^3

8D! YES! I can't believe I managed to write this…! X3333! This is the closest to "smut" that I think I'll ever get, though, luvs. I don't really like smut since I feel it lacks taste/class/whatever you wanna call it, but the scenes here actually served a purpose, so HA! XD But this was certainly some yummy goodness.

This fic is for all fangirls of slash, those of you awaiting this sequel to "Evader," and—most of all—Morghen, who begged and begged for this sequel since she first beta'd "Evader."

I do plan on one or two more in this universe, though Scred will be sharing the screen with another pairing (one which I'm sure hit most of you in the face, *lol*). But this is a oneshot, so don't bother alerting—just review! Thank you!

Haha, anyone else like the name of the boys'…"creative" positions? And how about Freddie being well-endowed? XDDDD!

Thanks again for reading, and please review!

-mew-tsubaki ;D