Author's Note: I own neither the characters nor the setting—absolutely nothing at all. I only bring forth my own meager talents in shaping words, and I make no profit but the critiques you give me.
Part 1: Megamind
The first time he met Roxanne Ritchi, it was completely by accident. She was new on the job, giving MetroMan his first big interview, and he had this amazing plan to fly through on his motorcycle of death-and-doom-that-had-major-lasers-mounted-on-the-side-and-grenade-launchers-and—
Well, anyways, it was exceedingly cool and evil and intimidating, but he didn't calculate the fact that putting a giant laser of the left wing combined with the weight of his Minion manning—or, well, fishing it, his stabilizers just couldn't compensate. Suddenly, his devilishly genius plan to kidnap his rival turned into a failing devilishly genius plan and a certain screaming reporter beating her fists on his back.
MetroMan flew after him, and they had a glorious chase through the streets of the city, and he almost escaped—one of his closer victories, and although it ended with him behind bars, he learned one very important thing: MetroMan would come after him if he kidnapped Roxanne Ritchi. Besides, it was a lot easier on his part to kidnap a perfectly helpless, innocent woman…
Alright, the 'helpless, innocent' part kind of turned out to be a bit of an exaggeration. He discovered that the second time he kidnapped her, and Minion felt bad for her so he didn't tie her up well enough…let's just say that day ended with him back in jail, handbag-shaped bruises all over his body, and MetroMan didn't even have to lift a finger. That was one of his more embarrassing days. Still, he would never give up, and he began to master the fine art of kidnapping and threatening Roxanne Ritchi.
He began to find that he looked forward to exchanging banter with her…somehow, she was just as witty as MetroMan except a bit less…cheesy. She was a touch more realistic. It helped that he was always in the position to lord over her, and her hands were always secured behind her back with tight manacles. Besides, whatever she might say when MetroMan came to rescue her, he would always have the last laugh, when he kidnapped her again. She was, he decided, an intellectual equal.
Somewhere along the line, all the torture devices and killing machines became a formality, just for show. She was far too smart, too good company, to drill her brains out. Besides, he had MetroMan to try to kill with his dastardly inventions, like that new Death Ray he had been working on (the full concentrated power of the sun!) and he never had to worry about MetroMan. His adversary was completely indestructible, which gave him the rare advantage of complete freedom in testing any sort of killing machine on him.
Like right now.
He snuck a glance behind his shoulder. She started making a strange groaning noise—was it the spray again? He had revised the formula of the sleepy-time spray to make it work—and smell—better, and added some perfume to it. Rose, which happened to be her favorite, it one was to judge by the loving expression she looked up at MetroMan with when he gave her a bouquet last week. He would pay for that…
She groaned, shaking her head again.
"Quick, Minion, she's awake! To work!" He leapt to his chair, smoothing out his eyebrows, grabbing one of the Brain Bots, and tried to force his hands to stop trembling with excitement. Kidnapping Roxanne Ritchi was the best part of his day, by far.
"Would it kill you to wash the bag?" He grimaced as she went on murmuring something about smelling like coffee. He had just sent it to the dry cleaners—it was the finest linen bag that (stolen) money could buy. No, obviously something had gone wrong with the spray. He had a sinking feeling that he hadn't been dumping in rose perfume, and his cheeks colored. It wasn't his fault that Minion put the 'essence of coffee' right next to the 'rose essential oil' in the scents cupboard.
Back in the game, he told himself. She can't resist your devilishly handsome face.
"So, Miss Ritchi, we meet again." He gave her his best evil grin.
"Yeah." She didn't look exactly amused. "It's you again."
"You can scream all you wish, but no one will hear you!" She wasn't screaming. He even asked Minion why, and everything sort of went downhill from there. Downhill just like an amazing sled ride, flying over the snow, full of plenty of bumps and flying surprises.
She wasn't impressed by any of his fake evil devices, not that he expected her to be, since he rarely bothered to change them up now. The BrainBots kept biting him—he really would have to look into that new vegetarian pet food that everyone was raving about.
Then everything actually started going according to plan, which was when it all started going wrong. She fell for the fake observatory he built around them. MetroMan's weakness just happened to be copper—how did he buy stuff that was 4 cents then?—and his death ray worked.
He would never forget the look on her face as they both stared at the skeleton of the man that they both loved—although neither would admit it. He would never forget the accusing tone that she threw that question at him, "What are you going to do with us?" Suddenly he forgot his speech about what an evil, evil overlord he would be and all sorts of vaguely evil things he would do, not to mention declaring a National Chocolate Day, and National Cupcake Day, a National Cookie Day, then the week long celebration of Megamind Holiday. He looked at her and thought of all the great plans he had for her—he would give her interviews, make her report stories on the changes he'd make, get her advertising his slave army. She would make a good commander, if she were ever interested in the job. Because she was smart enough, although she didn't listen to orders well. He had made her what she was, she only became such a good reporter because he kept kidnapping her! So why was she standing there staring at him like that?
He realized he had been standing around awkwardly, and cleared his throat. "Um, imagine the evilest thing possible, and multiply it by six!" he declared. No one looked particularly scared. "Look, people, let's just take it easy here, we'll play it by ear…" He trailed off, a delicate pink blush rising on his blue cheeks. Only Roxanne could embarrass him like this, and when he had just conquered the city, too! He stormed inside.
But nothing was fun anymore. Without someone to check him, without someone to stop him, there was no point to life. He missed witty banter and he missed losing and he missed Roxanne glaring at him—she was always cutest when she was angry. Now she just looked depressed on television. He pressed his nose closer to the screen. Watching her seemed to give him the only form of solace now adays. She looked, well, just as depressed as he felt.
"Do you want to kidnap Roxanne tomorrow? That always used to cheer you up!"
Even Minion could tell how obsessed this stupid girl was making him. But kidnapping her would do no good, not when no one was coming to rescue her. What would he say when she asked why?
Then, when she nearly caught him at the MetroMan Museum—he had never been more nervous in his life. Hiding as Bernard—it didn't so much feel like hiding, because he could be himself around her. He didn't have to put on the mask of evil overlord for her.
Then, after he helped raid his own lair—the strangest feeling in the world, although he was quite proud of her, she really did have an intellect and courage and even perhaps good looks to rival his own—then she hugged him and called him partner.
He was doomed from that moment onward. He would have leapt off a cliff for her, if she had only mentioned she wanted to go bungee jumping.
They told each other stories, they biked, they went on picnics. He cleaned up the city for her. He replaced everything he had stolen, just so he could take her to the museum. Often, their little get-togethers went by in a blur, but he would replay every little moment in his head, refusing to forget anything that she said or did, because he knew each moment was precious.
He was falling in love, and he knew it would break his heart in the end, but he didn't care. All he wanted was to feel her arms around him, to see her smile light up her face, to hear her laughter. Once, he had thought she was cutest when she was angry. He was wrong. She was cutest when she was laughing. But he did know one thing—he had loved her all along.
This is a two-part story. Next half focuses on Roxanne. Review, plz.