A/N: I can't exactly apologize, because every writer out there has _ (holiday plans, family in town, broken computer, finals... take your pick), and while I totally get distracted by all things shiny, my slow writing is a mixture of everything as well as being totally drained from Brennan's admission and Booth's un Boothyness. Basically, I'm veryveryveryvery sorry for not updating sooner.
...she opened her eyes, and all she saw was him.
He was on top of her, suddenly. His strong legs bent and grazing her supple thighs, his chest pressed against hers from his labored breathing. As one hand caressed her cheek, one dug into her hair, his now coal eyes never losing purchase on the blue of hers. He was whispering her name like a prayer, her first name, and everything about the scene screamed of shared fantasies, after all, she was begging him.
It was both familiar and foreign at the same time. Their bodies pressed against one another, their eyes locked, the world around them disappearing into nothing more than the sum of their parts. Thoughts like these had helped her survive many lonely nights in the Indonesian jungle. She would be consumed by him, and she would writhe beneath him, and she would scream for him, and she would pull him closer...
yet, she was pushing him away.
And she was begging, and she was screaming, but it was for him to, "please, please, please... stop!"
He crawled off of her, immediately retreating to the furthest corner of the bathroom. His intention had been to see if she was okay, to provide her comfort. His hands lovingly touching her body seemed to move on their own accord, to prove to him that nothing could hurt her, and while, to an outsider, his body pressing hers into the cool tile floors might have screamed sexuality, he knew they had been able to generate more tension sipping coffee in the diner.
He was disgusted with himself, at how easily he thought he could have everything he had ever wanted. It seemed as though he could never keep her physically safe without causing her emotional harm.
He hung his head in shame, waiting for what he knew was inevitable... Bones telling him to leave, and meaning it.
Since their first meeting, Booth had been able to incite more feeling within Brennan than any human or remain that she had encountered. At the beginning, he made her feel drunk on passion, and, quickly enough, burning with anger. Over the course of their partnership, he had instilled happiness, comfort, frivolity. He had shown her love, and, over the past few months, had shown her heartbreak, she had been scared for him, but, never, in seven years, had he ever made her feel this weak.
Following the disappearance of her parents, Brennan had never allowed anyone to see her how Russ had seen her those first few months. She had vowed to never be emotionally unstable or dependent as long as she lived. She lost herself in science, shielding herself from the harm that believing in anyone other than herself might bring. With Booth's influence, Brennan had found herself buried deep beneath fears of abandonment and unwillingness to connect, he had found the woman she was supposed to be. And, at the moment, she hated that woman.
All that woman seemed to long for was Booth, and all Brennan longed for was to slap him across his zygomatic and shoe him in the mandible. She was angrier than she had been in a long time. She felt displeasure at Hannah's constant presence, resentment from Booth ignoring her, annoyance at his ease in falling in and out of love, irritation that he had witnessed her emotional breakdown, and total infuriation that his physical proximity stirred such incredible passion within her.
She was disgusted with herself, at how easily she thought she could have everything she had ever wanted. It seemed as though she could never keep from emotional damaging him, so she hoped to end things before they got worse.
"Booth, just... leave."
A/N 2: I hope it came across clearly that Brennan didn't find anything pervish about Booth being on top of her- I don't see it as OOC for either of them. I just imagine Booth needing to comfort her as closely as possible, and Brennan not being scared of him (he kinda sorta is still Booth, ya know?) And I liked the parallel thoughts that they continue to share- in the end, they're both consumed with the other's physical/emotional well being (isn't that why Brennan said no in the first place?).
Please tell me you got that Brennan wanted to sock him in the mandible.. sometimes it's confusing writing Brennan's internal popculturalish mistakes because Booth isn't in her head to fix them. Let me know if you're still liking it!