Chapter 4 / The Confession (Goes Great!)
"Where were you yesterday, Feldt?"
I looked up from my school bag to Mileina who was looking at me, then Christina. School was over, so the both of them were waiting for me to get packed up. I didn't know whether she was asking about my whereabouts yesterday during lunch or after school. I hesitated to tell them about my suspicious feelings towards Marie, or about my frustrating trip to the convient store after school. What had happen might not intrest them at all, and it wasn't really important. Or was it? I wasn't sure of myself so I decided not to tell them the entire story. I got up from my desk and Christina, and Mileina started to walk with me out of the classroom. I said, "I was touring a new student around yesterday then got side tracked while doing homework after school." All was said too fast and repulsive that they might detect my half-lies. Half-lies, not complete lies, Feldt!
The voice of Christina's made me flinch. "Oh, yeah! That new girl. She's really cute, don't you think?"
"Yeah. I heard that she already got love confessions and letters by the end of her first day," said Milenia. Then added, "But she turned them all down because she already likes someone here!"
I stayed quiet, I wanted to know but I pretended like I wasn't interested by looking out the window, the floor, my cell phone.
"Really? Who?" Christina eagerly asked.
"I don't know," replies Mileina. I let out a silent sigh of relief.
"Wait! Actually, I heard he's part of the kendo club."
"Wow, the boys in that club are really cute! Hm, it makes me wonder if its––"
Milenia was cut off when the three of us heard my name being called from behind us. I turned around to see the girl of our conversation. It is her, Marie, who ran down the hall as she stops calling my name. Her face flawless, long beautiful hair, and her radiant personality started to annoy me which was why I had tried to avoid her this whole day. Now, she had caught me. She stops in front of us, her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath. "Wow.. so cute.." I heard Milenia mumble between Christina and I. Marie didn't hear her since she started introducing herself to Christina and Mileina, then greeted me.
Once she caught her breath, Marie seemed a little uneasy when she asked, "Um, I know this is sudden but are you three busy tonight?"
There was a short pause as the three of us looked at each other. Christina said she had homework plus she already has a boyfriend, while Mileina reasoned that she really wanted to come and explained that she has swim practice early in the morning tomorrow. It was just my answer that hung in the silent, awaiting air now. All of there eyes were on me. "Um," I paused giving myself time to think by scratching my cheek. I wanted to use Christina's answer, but another lie came out instead, "I've got no plans, Marie."
It was her charismatic personality that made me answer.
Her smile brightens her eyes. She holds onto my hands, and pleads, "You see I was invited to a gōkon (a/n: a group date/hook-up party) and they said I can bring anyone. So, Feldt, can you please come with me? You're the only girl that I know that can go right now."
For some reason I look directly at Christina and Mileina to my right for help. I wanted out even though I said I wasn't busy, which I currently am. I have lots of studying to catch up on for the time I had missed from yesterday. Not only did my friends did not help, they encouraged me to go.
"Just go, Feldt," says Milenia then Christina, "Maybe this will be your chance to find someone!"
At the Gōkon / 6:45 p.m.
I seriously could not believe those two. Christina and Mileina knew that these type of activities are out of my confort zone especially when I'm not with them. I miserably walked behind Marie on our way to the karaoke place where the gōkon is being held. The walk seemed too fast, and there were many questions I wanted to ask Marie about since this is my first time going to gōkon, but I didn't want to seem lame to her. We entered the small lobby where Marie went up to the person behind the desk. I followed her when she was done, and already from the hallway I could hear a song being sung out loud from a room, the only room that we were walking towards. I suddenly felt anxious, and nervous altogether getting cold feet and my insides started to knot. I really don't want to be here. Why hand't I made up another lie? If I had I wouldn't be here held feeling like a nervous wreck. But I knew it was too late to back out now.
Inside the room I walked into a middle of a song with two boys along with a girl between them singing at the top of their lungs to an unknown artist that I couldn't recognized. There was another girl who wasn't singing with long, dark, silky hair coming up to Marie and I. She looked very beautiful, and mature. I wasn't sure if she was in high school or not, but her uniform showed that she was. Behind her there was a another boy sitting down on the sofa, with glasses and an open book in his hand. It looked like he was dragged to this gōkon, too, looks like I'm not alone I hope.
The girl greeted Marie with a hug then introduced me to her. "Nice to meet you, Feldt. I'm Wang Liu Mei," she said to me looking into my eyes as if she was reading me. After a moment of awkward staring Wang Liu Mei grinned at me then walked away.
I said to Marie in a low tone, "Does that mean she likes me?"
Marie laughed then said, "That's just how she is." She brings me over to the rest of the group. The two boys and the girl's song came to an end and that's when my comfort zone was invaded. I stuck closely to Marie's side when I was introduced, apparently she knew a lot of people not from our school. She started introducing me to a boy with short dark hair with faint scares above his left eye and underneath his mouth, "This is Lasse. Lasse this is Feldt." He smiled at me and commented that I'm cute while ruffling my hair.
"This one is Allelujah but be careful around him, he's crazy!" Marie jokes. The boy, Allelujah, had straight, hunter green hair that fell into his gold and grey eyes and when he heard Marie's comment he said to her, "I am not!" then he blushed. To me, it appears that he likes Marie then again, I just met this boy. What do I know?
Marie went on and I was introduced to another boy, the one with the glasses and book. Up close I saw that he had dark purple hair and red eyes behind his glasses. He just gave me a nod and went back to reading his book. Allelujah had leaned in towards me and whispered, "Don't take it personally. Tieria is always like that."
"Why am I last?" demanded a girl with short red hair. Her freckles were adorable when she frowned. She looks at me with golden eyes and said, "Name's Nena. Just Nena! And I––" her eyes quickly darted behind me and everyone's exsistance was ignored by her. Her eyes had glowed, and her frown morphed into a smile. She skipped past Marie and I and towards the door behind us. She yells, "Set-su-na!"
Everyones attention turned towards him along with Nena and her little body clinging onto a bored looking Setsuna. "What took you so long? I thought boys pee fast," says Nena.
He didn't say anything and just continued to walk towards the group as if Nena wasn't invading his space, but it looked like he was used to it. He walked up to Maire and I and said, "Its about time you showed up, Marie. I'm prepared to go home."
"Perfect attitude! Anyways, I had to recruit one more girl, Setsuna," she referred to me. And that's when Setsuna's eyes fell on me. I didn't look at him directly for I was afraid that he would see my redden cheeks or perhaps he could've heard my heart beating through me chest. "You know Feldt," Marie's hand nudged my shoulder.
I was about to say something, but Setsuan beat me to it. He said to me with a lopsided smile, "Yeah. Of course I do."
Honestly, he's the only reasoned I stayed throughout this whole night. I stayed closely by Marie and circled around Setsuna the entire time. I was forced to sing a few songs, a solo and a duet with Lasse on a song I have never even heard before. I couldn't help but notice that Nena has a gigantic crush on Setsuna which I thought was pretty cute considering she's only in her first year, its seems like everyone is older than her. I actually started loosening up due to this group, they seem just so happy, and lively. So lively that they made this gōkon didn't really seem like one. I felt like I was just hanging out with Christina and Mileina, who I wish were both here.
Its starting to hit eight o'clock when I suddenly had to go to the bathroom. Everyone was prepared to wrap up for the night so almost everyone was up to the mic including Tieria who is surprisingly a great singer, everyone here loves his voice including myself. I had quietly slipped out the door and into the quiet hallway. Turning a corner I had hitched out my cell phone and read through some text messages sent by Christina, then sent a text to my mother telling her I was fine and I'm coming home soon. Christina's text asked if the gōkon was going well. I replied: I'm actually having fun, but I still wished you and Mileina were with me!
Once I sent it I went into the bathroom, and when I was done Christina had already replied. I washed my hands, dried them and took my conversation out into the hallway again. I leaned on the wall and read Christina's message: I wish I was with you, too! I can't take all this homework! Help me.
I laughed quietly at her text and started to type another reply until I heard people talking. At first I didn't pay any attention, but that was until I heard his name. It turned out to be Setsuna and Marie's voices. My legs stayed in their place. I know that eavesdropping is wrong, but for some reason I just couldn't simply walk away from those two. I had flipped my phone shut and gripped it in my hand trying to focus into their conversation. Christina can wait.
"I know you're not really going to get a soda, Setsuna." It was Marie who said this.
"Mm, how so?"
"Because this place doesn't have a vending machine. Its all customer service."
Setsuna chuckles then says, "We come here too much, you know."
"We've been friends with those idiots for too long now." Marie's laugh was so vibrant, and so soft.
"Yeah. So, what did you need, Marie?"
There was a short pause, and I held in my breath in case one of them heard my breathing in this silence. Then Marie answers Setsuna's question with a confession? I cleared my ears thinking and hoping I heard wrong.
"Listen, Setsuna, you know that we've been friends since elementary school, a-and, uh, I just wanted you to know that I like you. Like really like you," said Marie.
I exhaled my breath, but sucked in more air for there was another pause, but this time, this pause went on for too long. Setsuna was thinking, and Marie and I were both desperately waiting on his answer. I was compelled to just jump into Marie's confession and tell off mine, and hope to be accepted by Setsuna. But of course that event is another one of my fantasies locked up behind my head, never going to happen or given a chance. My heart thumped hard against my hand when I heard Setsuna clear his throat. Whatever he says, Feldt, accept it, my thoughts fanned in my head.
"Its because we've been friends for a long time that I don't feel the same as you do, Marie. I'm sorry, but thank you. It really means a lot to know your feelings," he tells her without hesitation.
I could hear the disappointment in Marie's voice. It quivered. "E-eh? A typical Setsuna answer!" she tried to joke off her disappointed feelings and laughs. I gave her credit for putting up a show, I probably couldn't even grasp what she had just did. Oh, Marie. I really wanted to hug her right now, but wouldn't that be like backstabbing? In a way, since I also like Setsuna. Betrayal maybe? I mean, we both like the same boy and Marie and I are sort of friends.
But for some reason, a relived breeze flew by me, and my knees gave in and I sunk to the floor. I laid my head onto my knees and listened in for more. From what I hear I think Setsuna have given her a hug, then they walked back into the karaoke room when I heard the door open and a song came blasting into the hall way, then heard it shut close, and the hallway is completely quiet again. That is until my cell phone had went off alerting me that I've received another text message. I knew it was from Christina so I didn't answer it right away. Marie's confession was too much to take in especially when you were eavesdropping the entire time. I let out a loud sigh when Setsuna came walking around the corner his eyes not meaning to stab me with guilt. I thought he left. Such horrible timing, Christina! I yelled in my head. It would have been smart to put my phone on vibrate in the first step of eavesdropping.
But the guilt faded when he stopped and asked me, "You alright, Feldt?" he walks towards me and knells by me, a light hand on my shoulder. My head was still buried into my knees, arms embracing them. I was fine and I know my face is flaming red. I didn't want him to see my scarlet burned face. He waits then shifts his weight to his other knee, his hand moves to my back, and starts to gently rub it. I'm probably worrying him. I wanted to tell him that I was fine and raise my head so I faced him, but I couldn't. Though, I started to relax feeling really bubbly inside that I started to laugh.
"Hm?" was all came out of Setsuna. Then I felt his hands stop rubbing my back, and felt his fingers start moving towards my neck tickling me. I got goosebumps even though his fingers were really warm.
I laugh out loud so hard that tears were forming from the corner of my eyes. I lifted my head to suck in some air that I wasn't able to inhale, and begged for him to stop. "Hehe! That tickles, Setsuna! Aha––quit it! Ha!"
He starts to laugh and continue tickling with both hands this time. One still on my neck and the other attacks my side, which were both my horrid tickling spots. I fought back by tickling his sides to see if he was ticklish there. It seems that he was when Setsuna let out the most attractive laugh I have ever heard from a boy, and the most cutest face he made when he did. "Hey, you quit it!" he said to me.
I could almost not breath anymore. "Alright!" I wheezed. Our hands retreated, and I finally started to breath correctly again. Setsuna and I both stole a peek from each other and when we both caught ourselves staring we smile and started to laugh again like two complete idiots. "The ice-pops from yesterday," I started. But it seemed like her already knew what I was about to say when he smiled. I noted how close he is to me now when he smiled at me, his lips were right there. My cheeks didn't feel like they were burning, but its getting there.
Setsuna looked away staring at his knees. "You're wondering what the fortune said?" I nodded. I was curious, I hope it isn't anything unlucky. He lays his head against the wall behing us and says, "It was a little weird but I thought it would be cool if it actually came true." His eyes averted back to me and his lips parted about to tell me the fortune, but then, that's when Lasse spotted us.
He yells, "I found them! There over here."
When he said that my feet told me to stand up and push away from Setsuna, but I didn't listen. In an instant the group had already caught up with Marie and an obviously jealous Nena hovering over Setsuna and I. Setsuna ignores them and stands up. He then turns around to help me up back onto my feet and pats Lasse on the shoulder saying in a low tone, "You, my friend, have a large mouth."
I walk behind everyone as we leave the karaoke place feeling happy for myself, but also horrible at the fact that I'm enjoying my time alone with Setsuna when Marie clearly likes him. What kind of friend am I? Many confusing emotions and thoughts stirred inside me but I mostly felt guilt and it is actually eating me alive. I can't handle it. I need to come clean to Marie by tomorrow telling her either about my eavesdropping on her confession or of my own. Whichever one I know I will somehow tell her both.