i can't get you out of my mind.
your love is like a drug,
and i've been so drugged by your love
that i don't even know the time
At first it was days, in between, that they would spend time outside of work. It wasn't much. Dinner here, a drink there. Just coworkers, partners, being friends. It's what friends do, right? Those days turned into weeks. It'd eventually become a ritual for the two agents who were unaware of their 'relationship' before they could consciously acknowledge what it was.
Then everything changed with Jenny's death. Leon Vance came swooping in with his changes, forget that what he was doing would one day be the worst decision ever. To break up the team. This family.
Of course, Tony had his memories to keep him company while he was agent afloat on a sea of hell. He knew very well that if Ziva ever discovered that he kept the images she'd have his hide hanging over her mantle like a prized deer mount. The only thing that kept him going was the beer and tequila at ground ports, and his inability to stop thinking about her. It was her face, her idioms, and voice that was very much like a drug to him.
The months at sea went by without a word from her. No email, no postcard. He even asked Abby, who admitted she heard very little, but was grateful for what she did get. Being Mossad, it wasn't easy and they often went in deep undercover - a skill Ziva was particularly able at. There was a small light eventually that reached his lips in the cold bunk which he called home for four months. Ziva was back home, on American soil, at NCIS, where she belonged. It seemed that the super secret hacking that McGoogle had him do was over a case turned out that lead NCIS and Mossad into a sharing of information, and resources.
Who the fuck cared? Ziva's back!
and all that i can do is think of lovin' you.
yes it's all that i can do,
it's all that i can do,
'cause i can't get you out of my mind.
Depression was a pathetic thing. It lead people to do stupid shit. Tony wasn't quite there yet, nor would he ever admit it. Like everything else he did, he covered what he truly felt with sarcasm and a gun... Oh! Miss Congenialityreference! Humor and pranks. He lost count how many he pulled on McGee. Probie was probably aware of some of the darker things going on in Tony's mind that he never admitted to his annoyance of what was done to him, both in the office and out in the field.
Ziva didn't come over anymore, but he didn't ask her over either. She didn't bring him coffee in the morning and he forgot about getting her pastries. She didn't taunt him with her experience of the awesomeness that is innuendo. Tony regressed and sought out a new date, a new girl, to try to replace the woman that haunted his dreams, his thoughts, and his heart.
All he wanted was her friendship back. If it ever went into more, they would approach that bridge when or if it came. He wanted the joking, the innocent touches, and consoling words back. They lost it all when they were forced away from one another. He had hoped they would pick up where they had left, before Los Angeles, but each day became darker to him.
The darkness had a name. Michael Rivkin. What did she see in him? Tony knew the guy was Mossad, like Ziva. From the research he had to do, for work of course, he learned that he was rather high up on their food chain and reported directly to Daddy David. He soon had his suspicions that his partner was only a pawn in a much larger game that her father was playing, and she was either naive or completely ignored it.
That alone made it Gibbs and Tony's jobs and positions as friend and teammate to protect her. To watch her back. Clearly her own father wasn't as he was setting her up to have her heart shattered. Ziva found emotions she never allowed herself to feel before, and she was going to lose everything.
Then she did.
i tried so hard to stop thinking 'bout you baby.
i tried so hard, but it didn't work
oh i got to know how you feel about me baby
'cause my mind is going crazy and it's really starting to hurt
At first it was days, that they hadn't heard from her. Days turned into weeks. Gibbs didn't quite say it but then again he had his own way of expressing himself. She was trying to find herself again. She didn't know who to trust anymore, who had her back. It was a deeply personal battle she was fighting; what she knew then, what she thought she knew, and what she knew now. That left her not knowing much.
Ziva began seeing the head shrinker that Vance forced her to go to once they brought her back. Once they brought her back, it was NCIS that did it, Gibbs' team having returned her home. Tony. Not them. Not Mossad. Not her father. Certainly not her father.
She knew and acknowledged that much in the men's restroom with Tony on the case she wasn't supposed to know, but still helped with. It was a small gesture but it made her stomach flutter with a sensation she'd never felt when she kissed Michael, as it did with Tony in that moment. It was something she would have to continue to resolve, but the first step would be Gibbs, Vance, and her status to remain in the family.
Small steps, on both sides, brought about a slow progress to the past. A pastry left anonymously on her desk just before Ziva would step off the elevator to begin her work day. Coffee, or hot chocolate, on his desk on days when it rained or grew particularly cold and Tony would just complain. Godiva hot chocolate always shut him up long enough that she would be able to get some work completed in peace.
Eventually they began to rekindle movie night. Of course it was held in the office, neutral ground. Both adults were happy to just be getting past the past year and while neither one would admit it to the other, their hearts soared. Returning home, wasn't just two words. They were a reality for Anthony DiNozzo and Ziva David.
all that i can do is think of lovin' you.
oh, you know, that's all that i can do,
'cause i can't, i can't get you out of my mind.
oh no, i can't get you out of my mind.