love | noun | a strong feeling of attachment induced by that which delights or commands; kindness or devotion to another; affection; tenderness
pain | noun| uneasiness of mind; mental distress; disquietude; anxiety; grief; mental pain
Blaine knew what love was like, he had felt it before, he had really felt it before. He'd felt it like he'd felt a punch in the stomach. Blaine also knew the definition of love; he had looked it up various times, and memorized it. If you asked him, he could tell you. He also knew what pain was like. Both things were something he felt long ago to a special person, who was always in his heart.
When he met this person, he was in complete bliss; he liked to call him his love. Blaine thought no one could take away his one love, but someone did ... bullies did. The people he had been telling his love to be careful of, to stand up to, Blaine was trying to stand up to his own bullies, and the only reason Blaine was able to stand up to his own bullies was because of his love. But the bullies took his love away from him.
A funeral. Something Blaine could never had pictured himself standing at, especially for someone he cared deeply enough for. People were asking him to make a speech, Blaine refused, and he didn't want to make a speech ... he couldn't make a speech, not now, not ever.
Blaine's bullies got worse, and worse ... and worse. What if they did the same thing they did to his love? What if they ... killed him? He couldn't bear to think that thought. There were only a few things in the world that Blaine was afraid of: his math teacher, spiders, and his bullies. So instead, Blaine found an ultimatum, he could stay in this hellhole, broken to pieces, eventually to die, or he could go to a private school, a school with a zero tolerance for bullying, no one would be able to make fun of him there without getting a two hour detention. He chose the private school, and it was better, and slowly Blaine healed.
Blaine was at the Dalton private school for a whole year until Blaine met him. Kurt Hummel, the only boy Blaine even thought about romantically since his love. But Kurt seemed to have this ... charm, that no one else he knew had, Kurt's blue eyes sparkled in the light, his strange sense of clothing that was both exotic and strange, yet compellingly attractive. Blaine couldn't stop thinking about him.
The thought had occurred to him before, that he could possibly love Kurt, but he didn't like to think of that. Did he already forget? Could he have already forgotten the feel of his lips against his, and the feeling Blaine got when his love only did as much as nudge his hand with his. He couldn't forget his love ... could he? He promised himself he would never forget him, for as long as he lived. So if Blaine loved Kurt … wouldn't that be forgetting? Blaine pushed those feelings to the very back of his mind, reminding himself that love only brought pain.
So as Blaine sat in his dormitory, finishing up the last of his science homework, his iPhone buzzed on the table, on the screen it read, "Kurt" Blaine smirked and picked up the phone, he loved the way Kurt made him feel.
"Hey Kurt," Blaine said in a smooth voice. Just because he didn't want to love Kurt, didn't mean he couldn't flirt, right?
"Hello …" said an unfamiliar voice, "This – uh – this isn't actually Kurt…" the man's deep voice cracked, and Blaine heard a stifled sob, "I'm Burt Hummel," Blaine recognized the name – Kurt's father, "We need you to come to the Lima General Hospital, Blaine."
"Why?" Blaine asked, his heart picking up speed right there and then. Hospital. Blaine hated that word with a passion.
"Just come, please, Blaine." Burt said, and then he hung up. Blaine had never met Kurt's father, Kurt didn't think it was wise for them to be introduced quite yet, Kurt said it wasn't time. Whatever he meant by that.
So even though Blaine had science homework, and a geography test in an hour, Blaine grabbed stuff and bolted out of the room. Something was wrong. Something was wrong. He'd heard that desperation tone of voice before, from his mother, when she called him informing Blaine about his accident.
Blaine almost drove into another car – twice – on the way there, he didn't like this, it was like his past was flashing before his eyes. The love, the phone call, the car ride that seemed to take years of his life, the waiting, the loss … the pain.
When Blaine arrived to the hospital, he knew what was coming, he didn't like to say he knew, but he knew. And he was afraid. He asked the nurse where Kurt Hummel was, and she pointed down the hall, and Blaine ran. He saw who he expected to be Burt, his wife, Carole, and a face he recognized, Finn, Kurt's stepbrother.
He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. He was silent. His eyes were watering, but he refused to let himself cry. No one came up to him, not one soul of Kurt's family. None of them knew him, except Finn, who excused himself from his mother and stepfather, and made his way over to Blaine, touching Blaine's arm.
Finally Blaine found his words, "What the hell happened?"
Finn looked as if he had been crying, which confused Blaine, because Kurt said that Finn always seemed uneasy about having Kurt as a brother, he had described it as "closeted homophobia". But Finn's eyes were red, and he looked like he was hurting too.
"Amizimo and Karofsky went too far," Finn, explained, "They claimed they were just trying to scare him, but lost control off the wheel, they hit him, they hit Kurt with a car." Tears fell from Finn's eyes, "Those … bastards. They think they're so cool, just because they're bigger, and cooler, they think they can just kick anyone around. I hate them. Figgins better be expelling them, they deserve it … those bastards."
"Is he …" Blaine stuttered, "Is Kurt okay?"
Finn wiped the tears, "He's fine … God, yes, he's fine. But it was as scary as hell, not knowing if he was going to make it through. I know Kurt doesn't know this … I know he thinks I'm scared of him being gay or something … and that may have been true, but he's … he's my brother, you know? I love him … he's my brother."
Blaine nodded, "Are we … able to see him?"
"Yeah … he … he only wanted to see you next though. We've all seen him, he's … waiting."
Blaine's heart felt like it was going to burst loose, into strange erratic combustions of pain and hurt, and a whole lot of other emotions he didn't really want to feel right now. He didn't want to step one foot into that hospital room. But Kurt wanted to see him, to talk to him. And Kurt was all right … Blaine was lucky this time, not to have to go through what he went through with him all over again.
"Blaine…" he heard Finn's voice over his thoughts, bringing him back into reality, "You're … the best thing that has happened to Kurt. He cares a lot about you, and I can tell you care a lot about him. I know you're … afraid … I don't know of what, I can just read it in your face. You look like me. But … whatever it is, you should know … that Kurt wouldn't think anything differently of you. He's just … Kurt's just that great." Finn's face was serious, from what Blaine remembers of Finn, that one time he saw him, he had a small brown haired girl on his arm – obviously his girlfriend – and a football jacket. Blaine – being stereotypical – thought of the football players that bullied Kurt, that bullied himself, that bullied … him. But as Finn was speaking to him, right now, Blaine could see that he was not that stereotypical football player, with the prettiest cheerleader girlfriend of them all, he was a kid. Just like him.
He saw his shoes moving across the floor, terrified of what was going to happen next, and before he disappeared into the hospital room, he gave a nod to Burt and Carole. And he closed the door, his face to it, and found himself paralyzed at the door. He was waiting. Waiting to hear his voice. That's what he was waiting for before. To hear his voice … but it never came.
"Blaine?" There it was. The voice he had been waiting for. This was real … he didn't just leave. Kurt was still here, and it didn't look like even a freaking car could stop him.
When Blaine turned around, tears were already strewn down his face, and now he couldn't stop them, they were there. Blaine only let people he trusted to see him cry, if he didn't trust them, he couldn't cry in front of them. Kurt was someone to be trusted. Blaine walked towards Kurt; he took his hand and held it to his mouth.
"Don't ever leave me," he sobbed, "Don't you ever scare me like this … if you … if you died … I would just die. I would die again. I can't go through this pain again," Kurt's eyes became soft, not understanding what the boy in front of him now was talking about, but Blaine was far from done, he could tell, and he stayed quiet, "You have to get out of that school, Kurt. It's going to kill you … he's going to kill you. I can pay, I'll pay! You can come to Dalton, and you'll be safe, and we can together … we can be together. Please say yes. Please."
"I can't…" Kurt whispered, "I'm not going to let you pay for Dalton for me, Blaine, that's a fortune, a fortune you should be saving up for art school. Not for me."
"If you stay there, you'll die, Kurt you'll die. I can't let him do that to you. I can't. Please. I've been through this, I-I can't … y-you can't. Please." Blaine held his head in his hands and sobbed, and Kurt sat up, despite the fact that it stung a little.
"What is this really about?" Kurt asked softly, placing his hand on Blaine's shoulder. He waited for the boy to calm down, before he spoke again, "You can tell me."
"I'm sorry …" Blaine whispered, "No, I can't … not now, you're sitting here in a fucking hospital bed, and we're not going to talk about my depressing past."
"Look at me … do I look like I'm dying?" Kurt said with a chuckle, "I'm completely in one piece." And that was true, except for a few starches, and stitches on his nose, Kurt was completely fine, there would be some bruising, but he was in complete perfect condition, "It's time for you to tell me … I'm here to listen."
Blaine looked Kurt in the eyes, took a deep breath, and begun, "When I said bullies chased me away from my public school that was only half right. It was in grade ten. His name was Darren … and he … he was indescribable. He was gay, obviously, and he was my boyfriend. But it was only a few months later when the bullies we were both facing 'accidentally' beat him to death…." Kurt was silent, too shocked to say anything, "I loved him … hell, I'll always love him. I never thought I could be happy again … but then …"
"Then what?" Kurt asked.
"You came. You showed up. And I felt … all these things I felt with Darren, perfection, love … and now pain," Blaine started to cry again, "I t-thought you were dead. Because that's what happened with Darren. I came to the hospital, and he was already dead. No goodbyes, the last thing I said to him was, 'See you at seven!' Damn it … fuck. I was so scared that that was going to happen to you."
"It's not …" Kurt said, taking Blaine's hands in his, "I'm not going to die."
"How do you know?" Blaine cried, "What if you never see it coming? Just one day … he comes around the corner and—"
"And what?" Kurt says with a scoff, "Shoots me with a rifle?"
"This is not funny!" Blaine hissed, "I'm being completely serious here, and you're shitting all over me!"
"Stop this," Kurt said sternly, "Stop it and look at me," Blaine stopped, "I am going to be fine, and I can deal with this. You've helped me to learn how to deal with this."
"How?" Blaine sobbed.
It was just a simple word, yet it meant so much. Blaine remembered what courage meant. He had searched it up. He searches up every word he needs to know the meaning of, and remembers it by heart.
"The heart," Blaine recites, "The quality of mind which enables one to encounter danger and difficulties with firmness, or without fear."
"Exactly," whispers Kurt.
That's when Blaine realized he didn't have to forget, because he wouldn't forget, he would always remember him, and he would always be in his heart. But now was the time to finally move on, to find someone well and alive, and loved him as much as Darren loved Blaine. That man was Kurt, Kurt was the one Blaine had been waiting for, the one to lift him up off his feet, and carry him away into the land of bliss.
Blaine lifted his head, and brought his and Kurt's lips together in a swift moment, only letting it last for a couple of seconds, before backing off and smiling at him, his brown eyes peering over his large blue ones. And Kurt brought their lips back together again, this time more passionate, but soft.
"I love you," Blaine mumbles against Kurt's lips. He wasn't afraid to say it now, and he would never be afraid to say it again.
"I love you," Kurt echos, giving Blaine a peck on the lips before finally resting down in his pillow again.
"Now go to sleep," Blaine said, "You need to rest. I'll be here when you wake up."
"Promise?" Kurt yawns.
"I wouldn't even joke."
courage | noun | the heart; spirit; boldness; the quality of mind enables one to encounter danger and difficulties with firmness, or without fear.
An Evil Waffle Note
My favourite pairing by far, and I'm going to be writing much much more for them. They're definitely my OTP. Not to mention Darren Criss is amazing. Plus, I love Klaine. It's my life. I'm just going to be writing quite a few oneshots for now, but I already have two ideas for two different multi-chaptered stories, but I have to get a few other thinks done now first. (:
I hope you liked this, and don't forget to review!