Part of one of my stories...Depressing and sad, I know. Just cause I can write this stuff doesn't mean I think this way about life. I'm a HAPPY PERSON PEOPLE! NOT SUICIDAL! I LOVE GOD AND JESUS, MY SAVIOR!
Shanaia wept as she watched her parents bodies lowered into the dank ground. What had gone so wrong?
She had kept to the rules like she was told, and yet nothing was right. Was having a peaceful life really the ultimate goal, as she had so often believed?
She hadn't ever gotten in the way of anyone. She fingered her scars and bruises with shaking fingers.
There had been no pleasure in her life with her parents, and yet, she loved them. Oh, how she loved them.
Even though she had been beaten regularly and her mother stood by like it was nothing. Was it her? Was it really her fault as it had been so forcefully told to her by her drunken fool of a father? Is since she's worthless that why she had been raped by her brother? Because she was trash? She truly deserved the worst, unlike all those happy, peppy little brats from her high school who know nothing?
She turns to go back to the life of that of a charming, happy-go-lucky girl with seemingly nothing to hide. Back to the meaningless existence of a drone's life. Nothing special, everything average.
But then, if nothing is special, what is everything's job? To exist, and maintain order?
She shook her head. Turning her face upward, she felt the raindrops kiss her face. She was almost graduated, able to take care of herself. This will be a new beginning, right? A place where she could forget about everything she had done and had done to her? Should she really forget? Isn't the world supposed to work like you learn from your mistakes?
She glided up to her car and slipped inside, closing the door, both of her car and to her past. She was popular at school, for both her grace and her seemingly comforting personality. Yet, behind her back, people talk. They say she's a slut, and someone so disgusting that she should be shunned from their lives. Brushed off like a grain of sand in an oyster.
What do I even have to go back to? A fake life? One where I can love no one and be unloved? To be judged like a lamb to slaughter? Is that even a truthful existence? She put her car into gear and backed out of the cemetery parking lot. Hope for a better life was something she could not afford in this cold, empty world.
She skimmed around one of the twisting roads on the way back to her apartment. Always being told her choices were wrong or sick, what was she supposed to turn to? There was no one to listen, really listen to her. Dying would be too painful. She rubbed the scars around her wrists. She knew from experience.
No one would truly miss me if I was gone. Couldn't god just come and take me away? I could rest, then, couldn't I?
She blinked, like she was getting sleepy. When she opened her eyes, there was a small shinigami on her dashboard. 'Are you here for me?' She wondered.
"Only if you want me to be. It's your choice. You can either have the painful death you're so afraid of, or you can just disappear with me. The car will go off the cliff and you will leave your flesh and be free."
'Truly free? After so long?'
She smiled sadly. The shinigami had the barest smile around his lips and patted her forehead.
"If that's your decision, then…" He sent her to sleep. "Shhh… It'll be over soon. You'll see. You'll get peace from one world, only to be thrust into another."
Like the rest.