The Walking Dead

Disclaimer: I don't own SN, just borrowing Sam for a bit.

I'm dead yet I'm alive. I breathe yet I don't feel. I am the walking dead. I've been brought back, but I'm not whole. A piece of me is missing. I can't feel it's absence and yet I know that it is there. This hole where my soul used to be.

They look at me and I know they are confused about what I am. I wish I could tell them. But I don't know myself. I exist and go through the motions of being alive once more, but I know I've failed. I try to look convincing. I practice facial expressions that used to come so naturally. Emotions. Reactions. Humanity. I try to embrace my family once more but where I know something should be, something like warmth, I feel numbness. I feel cold. Like this isn't quite real. And yet I continue to have a beating heart, a heart that doesn't feel. To function. To be Sam.

I'm not Sam. Not anymore. I don't know who I am. Only that I'm the walking dead. Is it better this way? I'm not sure anymore. It's easier. Or I tell myself that. Other times it's so much harder. I'm just pretending. Acting. It's weighing on me. This game of pretend. I don't want to pretend anymore. Make excuses for why I can't respond the way I'm supposed to. I don't understand anymore than they do, can't they see that? I didn't ask to come back this way. I do the best I can, this is what I know, all I've ever really known. And family is where you belong, isn't it? So I stay and I hunt. And maybe someday, I'll be truly alive once more.