I Was Wrong
A/N: I know I wrote a fanfic like this but I wanted to do this from Damon's POV of that night. I hope you enjoy!
Summary: My hands clutched the vervain necklace tightly as I looked deep into Elena's eyes, speaking the four most selfish words I have ever said to anyone. "I love you Elena." Damon's POV of the ending scene in Rose.
My eyes were swimming with mixed emotions as I sat by Elena's window, listening to the sound of the running tap and the sound of Elena brushing her teeth. I looked down at the tinkering object that I dangled loosely from my hand, careful not to let the pendant hanging on the chain touch my body.
Shortly after we killed Elijah, I found her necklace tossed off to the ground in a tangled heap. I picked it up with care and stuffed it into my pocket, intending to give it back to her. But I never thought that I would be confessing my most inner feelings that I kept buried so deep inside where I didn't even acknowledge their existence.
There was no going back. I couldn't go back now even if I wanted to. I had to tell Elena. I had to let her and myself know how much I care, how much I need her. After I heard Elena was taken, I began to imagine what life would be like if she wasn't here, and quite frankly, it scared the hell out of me.
Before I met her, I had no remorse for the crimes I committed. I felt no compassion towards humans who lost their lives by me. I was a cold hearted killer, not caring about anybody. Until I met her. Sure she looked like Katherine but she was nothing like her. She had a heart of gold and a strong willed mind. She kept me in line when I was at my worst and I hated that I was so weak towards her. But I soon began to develop feelings for her; eventually I began loving her but hating myself for it. She was my weakness. She was my humanity. She showed me how to love, how to feel remorse, how to come out of that hardened shell I have lived in for the last century.
My heart burned with the desire to tell her, to tell her how much I love her. She was my reason for living through Katherine's rejection. I loved her. I wanted her. But I knew she didn't want me. That hurt more then anything.
She didn't deserve me. She didn't need to be with a guy who enjoyed killing and tried to kill her brother. She didn't need a monster for a boyfriend. She needed my brother, someone who would treat her right.
The running of the tap shut off and I knew it was only a matter of seconds before Elena came in here and see me. I braced myself for the onslaught of emotions that would bombard me as soon as I saw her, chocolate hair flowing down her backside, resting in a straight line at her back. Her beautiful brown eyes baring into mine, seeing past my shell and into my tortured soul that longed to love her more then anything. I would never admit it, but it kills me to see her with my brother. It kills me to see her laugh so joyfully at him because I know that I will never make her laugh like that. I will only make her cry and fuel her burning hatred for me. She didn't need anymore pain in her life, which is why I'm going to do everything in my power to protect her.
The soft padding of feet from the bathroom to the bedroom perked my ears as Elena's form came before my eyes. My eyes ran over her body, taking in her strapless blue tank top and checkered shorts that fit nicely around her curves. I flashed her a smirk, trying to hide my pain as I sat there, my emotions ready to explode any moment if I didn't come out and say them. "Cute PJs."
Her eyes looked into mine, red and on the verge of closing. She looked exhausted. "I'm tired Damon."
Her voice made it perfectly clear that she wanted me to leave, but I couldn't without telling her how I felt. Even if my motives were selfish, I couldn't keep the truth from her any longer. My hand went to the vervain necklace that was sitting on the outskirts of my pocket, ready to fall out and make itself known to the world. I held the chain carefully in my hand as I brought it up into Elena's line of vision, dangling it infront of her with that same mask I always wore. "Brought you this."
Her eyes widened in surprise, probably because I was the one returning it to her and not Stefan. "I thought it was gone. Thank you." Her hand reached out to take it but I pulled it out of reach. I didn't want her to have it just yet. Her features fluttered together in frustration as she looked at me with that same tired look. "Please give it back."
Her voice was almost to a begging point and if I had not known any better I would've handed it over without a second thought, but I couldn't. Not yet. Every passing moment that I stood in that dreaded room with her I could feel my walls breaking, crumbling and shattering to pieces right before my very eyes. My 145 years of living in coldness and resentment was being broken by this petty human girl. She was my weakness, the key to unlocking my humanity and the good that was once there. And here I was, about to make the biggest mistake of my life. "I just have to say something."
A flash of fear and apprehension flew through her face as I said those words. I knew she had every right to be nervous. The last time I was in here I basically killed her brother right infront of her. He came back to life but that doesn't erase the fact that he was laying lifeless in Elena's room. She had every right to hate me, and she still does. "Why do you have to say it with my necklace?"
Looking deep into her eyes, I braced myself for the words that were about to escape through my lips. "Well...because what I'm about to say...is probably going to be the most selfish thing I've ever said in my life."
Realization soon set in and Elena shot me a warning glance. "Damon, don't go there."
I inwardly sighed and looked at her face, full of suspicion and slight fear for what I was about to say. "I just have to say it once. You just need to hear it." I closed the gap between us, my breath hitting her face softly. I could hear her heart beating rapidly in her chest, almost as if it was going to jump out any minute.
My hands clutched the vervain necklace tightly as I looked deep into Elena's eyes, speaking the four most selfish words I have ever said to anyone. "I love you Elena." I could feel my insides shaking; my wall was completely destroyed and my emotions were plain as day on my face, in my words, and in my voice. She just stared at me, obviously in shock that I had just made a huge declaration of love to her. She has no idea how long I've wanted to say that to her. But my speech is far from over. "And it's because I love you, I can't be selfish with you." My voice was getting weaker and weaker with every word I spoke but I had to continue. I had to let Elena know how I feel. "Why you can't know this. I don't deserve you."
Why should I deserve her after everything that I have done? Why should I, a self serving psychopath with no redeeming qualities, get a girl who is pure as the snow that hits the ground? She doesn't need to feel sorry for me, she doesn't need to clean up after me, and she definitely does not need to pick up the pieces of my broken heart because they can't be salvaged. They can't be fixed. My voice completely shattered as I said the truth right to her and myself. "But my brother does." I leaned in and kissed her softly on the forehead. I let my lips absorb the softness of her skin before I pulled away, my eyes shining with explicable sadness. I could feel wetness in my eyes for the first time in forever as I placed my hand on Elena's cheek, softly running the padding of my thumb up and down her delicate skin. "God I wish you didn't have to forget this."
A lone tear escaped my eye as I compelled her. The feeling of it running down my cheek at the slowest pace hurt worse then if that tear had been vervain. It burned my skin internally, leaving a scar that can never be seen by the naked eye. It kills me, having to confess my love to her and take it away just like that; it kills me to know that she will get back with Stefan.
But most of all, it kills me that she will never know how much I love her. "But you do."
A/N: Oh god, that was so depressing to write but I have a feeling that Elena will remember those words someday. When she does the fandom will promptly explode.
I really hoped Damon wasn't too out of character and if he was then just tell me. I love feedback! You guys are amazing with the reviews!:)