A/N: This is just what I feel should have happened in that birthday scene in new moon, yes feel free to laugh your asses off, it's legal

Disclaimer: Oh yeah datz right I do not not not own the Twilight series, neither do I own Bella's blood (not that I want to own it)

Happy Birthday

"Bella come downstairs, we got you the present you have been craving for a very long time" Alice said,

this is it thought Bella, finally she gets to become a vampire, finally she…..WHAT?, looking downstairs

she saw the whole Cullen clan staring at her and Carlisle was holding out something flat wrapped in

party paper, it looked more like a cheque than fangs to her.

"Bella, so glad you could join us, this is just a parting gift from the whole family since we noticed you've

been looking a little pale lately" Carlisle said smiling Duh! She thought, I'm tryin' to get my vamp on

seriously Carlisle sometimes I really wonder how thick you really are . She opened it expecting a

"Vampire For Eternity Membership Card" or maybe even a "Don't Frown We'll Turn You Now card"

instead she saw a card that read "Happy Birthday Isabella and may you live a very HUMAN satisfying

life" along with the card was a real cheque of $250,000, she was so angry she couldn't hide it


"Bella what's wrong?" Edward asked

"What's wrong… you're asking me what's wrong?"

"Yes in fact I am asking you what's wrong" Edward said his voice laced with a mixture of confusion and

shock at Bella's sudden outburst

"This is what's wrong…" she said brandishing the card in his face"….this crappy piece of paper, are you

guys crazy? Why would you raise my hopes and then dash them to the ground like that?"

"Raise your hopes? Bella dear I don't understand"

"Oh don't play dumb with me, Jasper does it better…" Jasper just growled angrily

"Oh shut it Jazz, you're just a hungry vampire with great hair, then again you all have great hair well

except for you Alice and Emmett, you guys' hairs are just weird and creepy, you other guys where did

you all get your hair did?...anyways Edwipe, I'm talking of the promise you made to me, you know the

one about turning me you didn't think I would forget did you, you promised me dammit" Edward just

stood there staring at his feet guiltily

"Actually Bella I wanted to tell you something later but since you brought it up…I um…I uh….."

"WHAT talk!"

"I'm no longer a vampire actually I met this guy, this P.I his name is Mick St John and he gave me a cure

now we can be together forever" he finished with a goofy grin on his face, she just stared blankly at the

blithering idiot before her

"You….you dumass who told you I wanted to be human? I wanted to be a vampire because I'm tired of

being human" the other Cullen's just stood and watched Bella bare her soul, then she did a crazy thing,

she slit her own wrist with a letter opener and started beckoning on Jasper whom she knew wouldn't

hold in his blood lust

"Bella stop that…" Carlisle screamed squint eyed"…we might be immune to some point but you have to

understand we are still vampires"

"Don't you understand Carlisle, this is what I want" Rosalie hissed loudly and said

"Blah…blah I'm jealous of you because you have everything I want and are willing to throw it all aeay, I

will hate you now you stupid bitch, Wah!" Jasper suddenly blurted

"Mercy Bella, is that your blood I smell? Jeez it smells like 3 day old socks and old lady panties left in

damp shoed, Eddy you must have been crazy to be attracted to that, I wouldn't even go near her if I was

starving and she was the last human on earth, I'd rather die…phew someone get a piece of cloth, or

better yet…." He ripped off a part of his shirt and handed it to a stunned Edward "…take this and wrap

her cut so we can all breathe, I know we don't need to but that doesn't mean we should all be tortured

and you Bella you must be mad to think I'm gonna drink that"

"I heard dat'…..mmmhhm preach on brethren…ye datz right" was all the rest of the family could say,

Edward finally spoke up

"You guys Bella is my girlfriend and you can't talk to her like that I won't let it"

"And just what do you plan on doin' about it beoytch, huh pretty boy?" Alice said

"Alice Brandon Cullen control your f******g tongue and stop f******g swearing" Esme shrilled

"Mom I'm sick of hearing Belles sob story can me and Em go hunting or something?"

"Of course honey you can leave, your dad and I were just leaving, Jazz, Alice are you guys staying here?"

"Oh hellz to the nah we got to go…do…some…sh…shopping, yeah that's right we really got to go do

some shopping um Alice and I were supposed to go like yesterday so..um see ya" and with that they

both left to do some shopping, Rosalie and Em left to do some hunting while Carlisle and Esme left to do

something we will never know about and left Bella and Edward in an awkward silence that filled the room

"So um Bella, you wanna go do something uh I don't know maybe we could get a burger you know I

always wondered what those tasted like and ooh ooh I always wondered what 'fries' tasted like…they

always caught my eye and ooh could we…."

"Shut it Edward its over between us ok? The only reason I put up with your sorry broody ass was

because you were a vampire..ugh now I have to go make up with Jacob and see if he can make me a

were wolf good bye Edward and don't try to call me or text me or even visit me if not, you know you are

human now and thereforecan die so I might no wait scratch that, I WILL kill you"

"Bella but I love you"

"So look...Um I said all I can say bye" she practically ran out of the Cullen house leaving a crying sad

Edward in the middle of the large living room.

A/N: Whaddya think, Review.