I couldn't help but looking over my shoulder as I rifled through this unfamiliar kitchen. I sighed and closed the last cabinet. It just wasn't fair, there was no food, none at all. It had been over a week since I last ate. And even when I did last eat, it wasn't like I was allowed to eat very much. HE would never allow it, I was probably bordering on anorexia. I really didn't plan much farther than escaping from hell.
"Who the hell is in my house?" A male voice boomed.
Shit! Wrong house to break into, I automatically went into survival mode, collapsing on the floor and curling into a ball. I closed my eyes tight and buried my face in my knees, hoping to god that the man wouldn't find me. I began crying. Just thinking about what could happen. I knew he had entered the kitchen at this point. I made no move to acknollege him besides holding myself tighter.
He cleared his throat. I slowly lifted my head and looked at his shoes, then his legs, and chest, neck, and finally his face, I met his eyes momentarally, not even reading the expression before I shrank back into my ball and began sobbing and shaking. I briefly thought I was having a panic attack, that was before the images I refused to pay attention to flooded my mind. I tried my hardest to stare past them, hoping to see anything but what I had run away from.
"Whats wrong?" The man asked, all traces of previous anger gone from his voice. At his words I passed out, I knew it would be worse now that he was showing no negative feelings. That is how it ALWAYS is.
As I pulled up in my driveway coming home from work, I could immeadeatly tell something was wrong. My front door was opene, and when I opened my car door I smelt it. Human. A human broke into my house, I chuckled at the thought. I ran up to the front door and opened it the rest of the way, before calling out asking who was in my house, with fake anger in my voice. I could hear the persons heart beat in the kitchen. I walked over and stood in the doorway. There was a teenager curled in a ball on the floor. She had brown hair, which was probably really pretty when it was clean and brushed. She was smeared with dirt and she was crying. I cleared my throat announcing my presence. She slowly lifted her head, making her way up to my face, she met my eyes very briefly before crying hard and starting to shake. When I asked her what was wrong she looked up, but I could tell she wasn't seeing what was in front of her. She began shaking harder before she passed out.
I gently picked her up and carried her up to my study where my medical bag was. As I was headed upstairs I could see several scars and partially healed bruises along her arms and neck. What had happened to her? I pulled her wallet out of her pocket. It held a driver's lisence and a social security card. Both identified her as Isabella Swan. I set it on the table next to her and sat at the chair by my desk waiting for her to come back to consciousness.
I stirred slightly and automatically did a once over without moving much. How much damage had been caused? I didn't feel anything new so I decided to sit up and survey where I was at. The first thing I noticed was I was in a room filled with a lot of books. I turned to where the source of light was, I noticed it was a window, before I noticed the man sitting in a chair behind the desk. I automatically curled my knees to my chest.
"Please stay calm. I'm here to help you Isabella." He spoke slowly and calmly.
I flinched as he said my full name. HE called me that. He appeared to notice.
"Do you prefer something else?"
"B-Bella" I stuttered out.
"Okay Bella, Do you know what town you are in?"
"Forks." I said looking down, I couldn't meet his eyes, afraid of what I might see there.
"Bella where are you from?"
"Alaska." I said but my voice cracked, with the tears I choked down. I didn't want to remember.
"Why were you in my house?"
"Food." I said simply. I really couldn't supply more than one word answers even if I tried.
"When was the last time you ate?"
"Week ago." I said sort of clearly. I knew what question was next, and I didn't want to answer it.
"Bella why did you leave?"
I began to shake. I knew another flashback was coming but I really didn't want to deal with it. I started to count in my head and under my breath keeping myself in reality. By the time I got to twenty I had myself under control again.
"They. Were. Hurting. Me." I said clearly, enunciating each word. It felt good to admit it, even if it was to someone I didn't know.
"Who is they?" He asked, carefully.
"My parents." I said it and I heard his sharp intake of breath. I flinched internally. He was having a hard time hearing it. Imagine experiencing it.
"When did you leave?" I asked this young woman sitting in front of me.
"Week ago." She said.
Goddamn she hasn't eaten in a week, and before that it looks like she didn't get much. I'm pretty sure she was almost anorexic.
"How did you get here?" I asked, truly curious.
"I stole the money and bought a plane ticket to Seatle. I took a bus to Port Angeles. Then I walked here." She said it all in one breath, but she still wouldn't meet my eyes. Her eyes wandered the rest of the room before momentarily pausing on mine before she flinched away.
"Would you like some food?" I asked her, knowing her response would be yes.
She nodded slightly, and I crossed the room to the mini fridge that had a bottle of water and some cold cut sandwiches. I grabbed one of each, set them next to her, before returning to my seat. It was slowly coming together. Bella had been abused. For how long I do not know. But she was traumatized. It became my mission to get her better. She could not go on like this.
He was asking so many questions. I didn't want to answer any, but with him I don't think I had a choice. I are the food he gave me rather quickly. I wasn't still hungry, I was used to less. I looked at him while I was eating, and appraised his white lab coat that was embroidered . His facial features were carved from his face and he had amber eyes and blonde hair that looked softer than silk. He was beautiful. And it's not often you say that about a man.
A small smile played across his lips. It was a peculiar smile. It was just different. It was then I realized it was a real smile, one created by something happy. The only smiles I've seen in a long time is that of my Father's and it was more of a sneer, evil looking, and it sent chills through my body, but Dr. Cullen's smile made me smile back at him, "Thank you." I murmured quietly averting from his eyes.
"I'm sorry I haven't properly introduced myself. I'm Dr. Carlisle Cullen, but please call me Carlisle."
I nodded, grateful he didn't extend his hand for me to shake. I probably would have had another panic attack.
"Would you like a hot shower and some fresh clothes?" He asked me, raising an eyebrow.
"Please." I replied.
He led me down the hall to a room that was decorated as a teenagers bedroom.
"My daughter Roasalie's room. She is about your size. Bathroom there, closet there." He pointed to each in turn. I walked in the room and he shut the door behind him on his way out. I went to the closet first. Hoping I could find something familiar. I smiled when I saw a pair of faded boot cut jeans like a pair I used to have. I found an orange flannel shirt and a black tank to go underneath. I also found a bra that was exactly my size. I shook my head and walked to the bathroom. It was awkward to be wearing someone else's clothes. I set my clothes on the sink and peeled off my dirty ones. I got in the shower and showered quickly. I got out, got dressed and brushed my hair through a couple times. I felt much better. My teeth were kinda gross but I was not going to use someone else's toothbrush.
Not really sure what I was supposed to do, I dropped my dirty clothes in the hamper and headed for the front door. Not that I didn't appreciate his hostpitality, but I didn't want it to run out. As I reached for the door handle a cold hand was on my shoulder holding me back.
"Where do you think you are going?" Carlisle sounded mortified.
"Anywhere." I said under my breath.
"You don't honestly believe I would let you walk out of here do I? It's not safe out there. What if HE found you?" I shuddered at what he said but continued to be persistent.
"I don't want to impose. You have a family."
"You're not. And I don't anymore." He sounded suddenly glum.
To say she looked bewildered would be an understatement. But I was not going to let her leave. There was something mysterious about Bella Swan drawing me to her.
"What do you mean you don't anymore?" She asked, interrupting me from my thoughts.
"Well um, my ex wife and my kids all took off on me." I said looking at the ground. There was quite a bit more to it than that. But it would suffice for now.
"Oh, I'm sorry." She said while turning to look at me, she studied my face for a moment before pulling me into a hug. She blushed and took a step back. She looked surprised at herself. "Sorry." She told the floor.
"Don't be, I needed that." I said smiling down at her. She just blushed darker.
"So erm, where am I going to sleep?" She asked, she sounded embarrassed.
"I'll let you pick, follow me and I'll show you the rooms." I told her and walked at a human pace towards the stairs. I heard her following and continued up the stairs. I went to the first door and opened it, "This is Edward's old room." I walked to the next room, "And Alice's." I went to the next and said, "Jasper's."
I was planning to stay in one of his daughter's rooms, but as he brought me to Jasper's room, I immeadeatly walked in and to the black acoustic guitar that had caught my attention. I picked it up and removed the pick that was wedged in between the strings. I strummed once. I winced. It was horribly out of tune. Not bothering to look for a tuner I quickly tuned it by ear. I smiled to myself, "That's better." I said under my breath. I sat down on the couch that was next to where I had picked up the guitar and began playing a familiar tune.
"You're quite the guitarist." Carlisle said from the doorway, How long had he been standing there?
"I'm sorry, I just saw it and couldn't help myself…" I said quietly
"Don't be, what's mine is yours. But please, keep playing." He urged me.
I smiled and began strumming again, but this time it was a different song, one that was just coming together in my head. I whispered the lyrics that had been churning in my head for awhile. He wanted to hear what I was saying though, "Sing louder." He commanded from the doorway.
So I began to sing,
"On the outside,
On the outside,
You will see me flying,
But on the inside,
But on the inside,
You can't see me dying." I paused but kept playing, after a few moments I began to sing again,
"Help has come to late,
I'm going to meet my fate." I stopped there, that's really as far as I wanted a stranger to hear, "That's as far as I've gotten." I lied to him.
"You wrote that?" He asked after a second.
"Yeah." I muttered
"That was," he thought for a moment, "Entrancing."
"Uhh thanks, I've always wrote lyrics, but my brother is the one who taught me to play." I told him, sad at the end. I missed my brother, I didn't have much left of him. The guitar and the picture in the locket around my neck are really all that's left. The picture was of us at our fourteenth birthday party before he died.
"Play me another?" Carlisle asked
I randomly began finger picking before finding something I liked, and then began strumming, and singing, once again composing as I went,
"You were always the protegy,
I've always been little me,
I've never resented you,
After all we've been through,
I miss you now that you're gone,
I will never see you by the pond." I couldn't play anymore, the lyrics that had come to my mind brought along a tidal wave of emotion. I just missed him. And Until he died, I had no idea what he was preventing. I began to do a simple meditation technique that Josh taught me, before looking up at Carlisle who had concern worrying his features. My hand automatically went to the locket at my neck.
"Was that you're brother you were singing about?" He asked.
"My twin." I corrected quietly
"And his picture is in the locket." Carlisle stated the fact.
I just nodded.
"May I see?"
I just pulled the locket over my head, clicked it open, and handed it to him. I sighed, the picture was fading. He crossed the room and took it from me,
"Identical twins?" he asked.
I smiled and nodded, even though we were different genders, we looked almost exactly alike, except my hair was longer. We both had the same chocolate brown eyes with the streaks of green and hazel in them. We had the same medium brown hair that was fine but lots of it on our heads, and it was incredibly soft. In the picture he had the same shags as when he died that waved slightly at the end. The way he wore his hair suited his personality perfectly, bouncy and happy. I felt a tear slip down my cheek as I remembered him.
Carlisle closed the locket and handed it back to me. I pulled it back over my head.
"So how did he…?" Carlisle asked hesitantly he wasn't sure if this would trigger a reaction.
"Charlie and Renee were fighting, Charlie was drunk and pulled a gun, Josh stepped in, but the gun went off and…" I didn't finish.
"I'm sorry. They blamed you didn't they?"
"It was me they were fighting about, about how much of a mistake I was…" I trailed off and began to sob. It was my fault Josh was dead and it was my fault for being alive.
"Bella, you are no mistake, how could someone as beautiful and talented as you be a mistake?"
"Ask them." I muttered. I began playing the guitar again, but with much more force.
"You told me I was a mistake.
You told me I was worthless.
As much as I don't want to believe you,
I know much more than an inkling of that is true." I sang, well more of screamed the lyrics, and the hateful chords turned into a very depressing finger picking at the end.
"They were wrong about you. Look at you, you have an amazing talent to vocalize how you feel and put it to music." He paused to take a breath, "Not to mention how beautiful you are on the inside and out." He stared at me, "And you're parents were fools to think you were a mistake." With that he came over and hugged me, I wrapped my arms around him and there was nothing uncomfortable about it. But it did feel like something was missing.
After a few moments he pulled away and looked down at me and smiled. I couldn't help but smile back.
"I think I'd like to stay in this room." I said while looking around at the other numerous guitars and the keyboard in the corner.
"That's fine, he has a bathroom there," Carlisle nodded to the appropriate door, "But I'm sure you would prefer clothes more, uh, feminine, then Jazz's clothes, so feel free to pick through Alice and Rose's closets. There's a laptop, notebooks, video games, stereo and tv with cable." He nodded to each thing in turn. "And if you need me, I'll be in my study." Carlisle smiled at me.
"Thank you Dr. Cullen."
"Carlisle." He corrected me, "And it's not a problem, but I think I must be off to the store, You may have noticed my lack of food in the house." Carlisle looked sheepish.
Carlisle left the room and closed the door with a quiet click. I walked around the room admiring the different guitars. There were a few I recognized and several I didn't. There was an entry level fender like the one I learned on. But then there was a Les Paul, a Gibson, an Epiphone, and several more Fenders. I was in heaven. I walked to the keyboard and put it on a piano setting, I just played quietly, not really paying attention, but letting the feel of the music overwhelm me. I stopped after awhile and turned off the keyboard. Walking over to the entertainment center I opened the cabinets. I found several hundered DVDs and twice as many CDs. I quickly found the cds were alphabetical, so I jumped down to L and found the Linkin Park, Minutes to Midnight album. I popped it in the stereo and automatically skipped to the third track. I went over to the acoustic so similar to my own and began to play along. It didn't take long before I was singing through my tears, "When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done. Help me leave behind some, reasons to be missed…" I began sobbing at that point. This song always seemed to remind me of my brother, not so much the lyrics as the emotion in the song. I set the guitar down and moved to the bed where I crawled up in the center and hugged a pillow to death before I fell asleep.
As I carried the rest of the groceries in I heard a shriek. I set the bags down and ran at an inhuman speed to Jazz's, well Bella's Room. She was asleep and having a nightmare. She had tears rolling down her face and a death grip on a pillow. I went over and tried to wake her. She woke up screaming but fell silent when she remembered where she was.
"Bella are you okay?" I asked not wanting to startle her
"I'm fine. Just a bad dream." She said nonchalantly
"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked
"No thankyou, I'm just going to write…." She trailed off and moved to the desk with the note book.
I watched her for a little bit wondering if she would ever let me read any of it.
"Probably, parts of it at least." She said, guessing the question.
I smiled. I wonder what she would show me.