Damn it.

I'm really sick, aren't I? Can't get you off my mind. God, I feel like I'm a fuckin' pervert thinking about you all the time. The first thing I think of in the morning is that I get to be that lucky bastard who can make you laugh; the last thing that crosses my mind before I fall asleep is how great it would feel if I could have that perfectly warm, beautiful body of yours pressed against mine. It's disgusting. But, I can't help it.

You're like a drug to me.

And wouldn't you know it, I'm fuckin' addicted.

You're a sadistic little bitch, aren't you? You don't even realize what you do to me, to my brain, my heart. You torture me constantly with your charm, just taunting me with how easily it could be mine. Nonetheless, you're my sadistic little bitch, and I wouldn't have it any other way. The pain only reminds me that I'm alive, and you're alive, and we really do exist. You have eyes for someone else, and knowing that kills me.

If it's for you, though, I'll happily die like this, because it'll mean that you at least acknowledged my existence.

But I'll stop lying to myself. I know now that just having you know that I'm here isn't enough anymore. I want you to see me as someone who will love you unconditionally, someone who you will love unconditionally, who could hold you close and whisper sweet, sweet nothings in your ear, who is always there for you to dry your tears, to admire your smiles, to yearn for your taste –

Aaaaagh, look at me!

I'm a total mess! I'm going to lose it if I have to go one more day of just watching you remain blissfully unaware of how I see you! You're like a fuckin' goddess to me! I could turn to stone with just one look of your glassy, blue eyes! I could chase after you in silence, no words could possibly be thought of to express what I so desperately want to say! I could run faster than the wind if you ever wanted – no, needed me. I could scream at God and tell him how much I love Him for letting me exist, just so I can be near you! I want to tell you so many things! But…

….but I can't bring myself to say them.

I'm afraid. Afraid of what? That you might reject me? That you might turn away? That you might have a crush on somebody else?

None of those things worry me. Rejection doesn't mean total denial; we'd still be friends, right? We'd still laugh. And if you turned away, I would always be here to wait for when you decided that I was worthy of your presence again. And if you have a crush on someone else, that'd be fine, too. Crushes don't last forever. You'll get over him, and come right back to me so I can make you feel better. Or, if it does work out, he'll eventually lose interest and still, you'll come right back to me so I can lift your sorrows. Guys are dicks, that's for damn sure. No guy out there is worthy of your love.

It's that I might not be the one for you that scares me.

I've noticed the way you look at him whenever he's around. You don't look at me the same way you look at him. I'm afraid of losing you…because the way you look at him is exactly the same way I look at you. I'll fight if that's what it takes to win you back. Even if he is my own flesh and blood, I'll fight if it means receiving your love.

I'm the only one who needs it badly enough.

I can't get enough of you. Those eyes I could turn to stone under are the same eyes I could lose myself in, like drowning in cool pools of innocence those eyes reveal. That bright red hair of yours tempts me to run my fingers through it. And your porcelain skin…delicate frame…melodic voice…

I want it all.

The more I see you're near me, the more I want to scoop you up into my arms and not once let go; the more I make you smile, the more I want to want to feel those soft lips press to mine; the more I lay my eyes upon your gorgeous figure, the more I want to touch it, gaze upon it, caress it, have it below me where you can't go anywhere, letting me take you in completely.

Turning.

Squirming.

Writhing in my grasp.

Hearing your voice whisper my name pouring out of that tiny, perfect mouth would be wonderful, pure bliss. Your eyes looking up and locked with mine, wide and glassy, would make me melt under your gaze. Dare I even begin to imagine your taste – sweet, delicious, innocent, pure –

Gah! It's driving me fuckin' crazy just thinking about it!

You don't realize how badly I want you, how I need you. Some monster inside of me is yearning for your body, pure and creamy; the only thing holding it back is that my heart is yearning for your unconditional, undying love. If I could have both, I would be the happiest, most complete man in the entire world. To be able to live while knowing that you would be person I would wake up next to, while at the same time knowing that I'm the only one who could possibly love you in the way you so rightfully deserve, it would make me forget everything that had ever happened before. You would be the only thing in my world, and you would be all that I could care about. But what if I had to choose one, which would I rather have? Or, better…

…which would you be more willing to give?


Author's Note:

Another one-shot. Another Ven x Kairi. Also goes hand in hand with Kimi to Taiyou ga Shinda hi. Sorry about not getting chapter 7 up; I really am working on it. It's over 2,220 words, and their dad comes to visit! It's not Cloud (I'm kinda sick of that idea that Cloud is either an older brother or father of Roxas and/or Ven.), so you might be surprised as to who I chose to be their parents. :D

If anyone has ACTUALLY been paying attention (kihihihihi), you'll have taken note that Roxas absolutely hates Kairi. However, his brother Ven seems rather fond of her. This also goes with "Masochist", and it's basically a way for me to foreshadow Ven's POV for Kimi. I went back to my own style, so no more SCS writing. ; A ;

I tried putting a lot of raw emotion into this. He knows that he's in love with her, and he's managed to convince himself that since his feelings for her are so strong, they're destined to be together. However, as will be seen in chapter 8, that's not necessarily the case... Fufufufufufu.

Please review both this and Kimi to Taiyou ga Shinda hi! D: