"Jacob!" I yelled as I ran after him into the house.
We never learned to agree on anything, it was always what we could agree to disagree on. Most of our arguments consisted of me yelling in order for him to listen, mostly forced; and Jake managing to get angry, punching holes in the wall and walking away from me.
I slammed the door behind me as I got into the house. The impact of the door reverberated through the living room making the windows nearly shatter in their frames.
The house was silent and cold. Things fell apart in our lives when I told him I was pregnant. I'd never imagined our lives would end up like this.
"Don't walk away from me or this , Jacob!" I yelled.
He ignored me as he made his way towards the stairs.
I needed to calm down. I had to make him listen. I grabbed his arm gently to make him stop to look at me. He froze where he stood which was a good sign; it meant he was willing to listen. If there was anything I could possibly say to make him understand I needed to say it now.
I inhaled and exhaled a deep breath. My heart was beating erratically against my chest; the blood pumping in my veins was thudding with each rhythmic beat pounding in my ears. The thought of Jacob telling me he couldn't do this again would shatter my world and bring reality crashing down on me. There would only be so much I could take now.
My heart froze, turning almost to stone as he turned around and faced me with those eyes. The eyes I once thought that could save me; make me whole again and love me unconditionally. Now those eyes were filled with emptiness, I couldn't see anything through those eyes anymore. No love, no hope, no future.
"Bella, I'm not ready," he breathed out in a whisper closing his eyes shut.
The tone of his voice after he said this told me he had made up his mind. There was no turning back. How dare he utter those words to me? When are we ever ready for anything? We had been through the fires of hell and back. I'd given up practically everything just to be with him and now here we stood, both of us emotionally exhausted, my soul shattered by his unwillingness to continue the fight for our love.
For the first time in my life this was something that would be good for me, the best thing that has happened in my life. The worst part of this though, the one person I thought who wouldn't quit on me would just leave without hesitation. I felt cheated, robbed as if someone took something from me that I could never get back.
"I know this a huge life adjustment, Jake. I get that and understand you just as well. But we can both help each other get ready. We can get ready for this baby together." I pleaded to him as the pool of hot tears welled up in my eyes, running down my cheeks.
His head was bowed down as he shook his head reluctantly. A part of me wanted to understand so bad what it was that had him acting like this. I knew Jake hated what he was. I knew how much danger we both had been in but all of that didn't matter now.
A beautiful thing was happening within me. The life growing inside of me deserved happiness. This should have been part of our beautiful memories we had shared in the past. Now, this just seemed like a nightmare where I couldn't breathe as my lungs constricted against my rib cage.
Jake looked up at me, "Bella, I can't. I don't wantthe responsibility. I have enough to be responsible for already. I won't bring a life into this world knowing that it will have the same fate as I have. Please, can't you understand that?" He asked with sorrow in his eyes.
The dam let loose as the tears began to fall as I held myself up against the banister, "I can't understand, Jacob. I refuse to understand why you don't want this baby, why you don't want our baby, a life we made together. I'm not going to have an abortion, I won't and can't do that."
"Bella," he sighed, "I'm not going to stay here and pretend everything is alright while everything inside of me is telling me this is all wrong. This isn't how things were supposed to end up. I can't and I won't do this."
I felt the dagger pierce through my heart, the blade turning and shredding what was left of it. I backed away from the stairs shaking my head, clutching my chest. I ended up against the wall as I slid slowly down to the floor. This child belonged to me, was a part of me. It belonged to us. No amount of words could express the amount of pain that my body and soul were in.
I held my head low looking at my abdomen, caressing where the little life was growing inside of me. The tears were streaming down my cheeks as I raised my head up, I saw the only man I've ever loved turn and walk out the door.
As he walked out he uttered the last words that would haunt me for the rest of my life.
"Bella, I love you but I'm doing the best thing for you and this child. I hope you understand."
The door shut as my world crumbled around me and the darkness consumed my entire being.