Hopeless

Abby and Tony's response to the news of Ziva's death. Added scene to "Truth or Consequences".

By Emiliana Keladry

Spoilers: If you haven't seen "Truth or Consequences" Season 7 - episode 1, this won't make sense.

Pairings: slightly McAbby, implied Tiva

Author's note: I just recently saw this episode and I thought it was missing something. I wanted to write how Abby would have felt and how Tony would have felt after they received the news that Ziva was gone. I hope you enjoy it! It made me cry. :( Thanks and please review!


Abby waited silently, listening as Gibbs's words sunk in. The Damocles was lost at sea; it went down on May 28th off the coast of Somalia in a storm… there were no survivors. She focused on his face, but Gibbs wasn't showing any emotion at his own words. He had known that Ziva was gone. Dead. It was August, and she'd been dead for months. Weren't you supposed to feel something when someone you loved died? Weren't you supposed to feel part of yourself was missing? It was all wrong. Tony was the first to move, running his fingers through his hair and with the other hand covering his mouth. He walked over to the side of her lab, not speaking. McGee fell back softly into his chair.

"It can't be," the younger man whispered.

Gibbs put a hand on his shoulder, not looking at Abby. And then he left them alone to grieve. Tony felt his throat was coated in sand and he couldn't swallow, let alone breathe normally. Nothing was right in the world. He flashed back to Ziva's face as she pressed her gun onto his chest, describing how he killed Michael in perfect detail. She should have just killed him at that moment for the pain he caused her, even though he was just trying to protect her. Tony's eyes were burning and tears threatened to fall, but he wouldn't let them. Tony refused to give up until someone paid for her death. Ziva, I'm sorry. He walked to the door of Abby's lab without speaking and slammed his hand on her door as he passed.

"Tony," Abby called after him, her voice breaking.

Slowly, Timothy turned to face Abby with tears in his eyes. Abby took a shaky breath, but she couldn't keep it in. The young woman fell to the floor sobbing. Everyone she loved kept being taken away from her; Kate, Jenny, and now Ziva. McGee knelt down at her level, simply watching her weep. Abby looked up at him, crumbling even more at the look on his face.

"I can't do this Timmy," she murmured. "So much death… death took Kate and then Jenny and now Ziva."

"Abby…"

"No McGee! I won't let this happen anymore! I can't let anyone hurt you or Tony or Gibbs! I can't let you leave me!" Abby yelled, reaching out her arms to push McGee away from her.

Timothy gently took her hands and pulled Abby against her chest. She continued to hit him, weakly trying to pull away from him. After a long minute, Abby calmed down and was content to cry on his shoulder. His tears fell onto her cheek mixing with her tears, unable to separate them again for they both had the same loss. McGee cradled his best friend in his arms, whispering softly to her and promising her a promise that he meant to keep and never break.

"I will never leave you Abby, you will never be alone."

Abby tightly squeezed Timmy, remembering the way that Ziva stumbled over her English and watching Tony correct her with a smile on his face. She kept Abby calm when she was upset and knew how to make her smile. Ziva couldn't be gone, she refused to believe it.

"What if she wasn't on that ship? What if Gibbs's information was wrong?" Abby protested.

"She was on the ship." McGee's answer was soft and simple. "Gibbs wouldn't have told us if he didn't think she was on the ship. He would have tried to prove that Ziva wasn't there and survived. We lost her. I should have done something to make her stay, talked to her after the incident with Tony and reminded her that Tony would never intentionally hurt her." He paused as if pondering the last time he saw her face disappear into the elevator. "I didn't even get to say good-bye."

Abby broke the hug and gently put her hand on McGee's cheek. She kissed the damp skin, showing him how much she cared.

"We have to be here for each other, to get through this. And we have to help Tony… it's not his fault."

McGee nodded. "Let's go find him."


Tony sat at quietly around the corner of the stairs leading to the second level. He frequently would talk with Ziva there, whispering a good secret or discussing the latest scuttlebutt. No one would look for him there. He rested his elbows on his knees and used his hands to cover his face, but it didn't stop the memories.

"I had no choice," Tony began.

"That's a lie," Ziva sneered.

"Why would I lie to you?"

"To save your worthless ass."

"From who? Vance? Mossad?"

"You jeopardized your entire career, and for what?"

"For you. He was playing you Ziva."

"For some reason, you felt it was your job to protect me?"

"I did what I had to do."

"You killed him."

Tony rubbed the spot on his chest where Ziva had pressed her weapon as the last moment replayed in his mind. The broken look on her face wouldn't leave his thoughts.

"You loved him."

"I guess I'll never know."

Her words stung and Tony closed his eyes as a single tear leaked out. Those were her last words to him, full of contempt and hatred for what he had done. Ziva… Tony couldn't help but remember how beautiful she was even if she was stubborn and would surely kill him if he ever told her that in a serious tone. His opinion of her had changed over the years. He first thought of her as an outsider, trying to take Kate's place. Then he thought of her as a close friend that understood him. In the end, she was just another woman that ended up hating him. Even if this time it was for all the wrong reasons. Tony protected her from Michael and lost her trust. He couldn't protect her from death. Tony pulled a photograph out of his wallet. It was worn and the edges were crumpled slightly. It was an image that Abby had pulled for him of their time pretending to be a married couple. Tony kissed the picture before putting it away.

"I guess I'll never know."


The END

Please review and let me know what you thought! Thanks!

Emma