Again, link to original request and fill will be in my profile. This format won't really change much.
Elizabeth Alexandra Mary, better known to the world as Queen Elizabeth II of Great Britain, queen regent of the Commonwealth realms, blinked at her computer screen.
She really had not been using the odd thing for very long, and hadn't quite the hang of its management yet, but she was reasonably certain that a simple search of current affairs should not have presented her with... this.
Still, a queen must deport herself with dignity and grace at all times, and Queen Elizabeth II was no exception to such a rule, so she quite calmly picked up the handset of her phone and placed a short, polite, dignified call to Mr. Kirkland, requesting his presence at his earliest convenience. Upon his assurances he would be with her immediately, she set the handset down, sat back in her chair, and waited.
Kirkland was satisfyingly prompt, arriving after only five or so minutes, and bowed with proper respect to his monarch before venturing to ask what troubled her.
"Oh, one isn't troubled, Arthur," She assured him with a sweet smile. "Merely confused. One wonders, could you perhaps clarify what this is all about?"
She turned the elegant laptop that had been Arthur's own gift around, and had the pleasure of watching those rather remarkable eyebrows of his rise. And rise, and rise, until she was quite certain they were but a short hop from flying off his head entirely. He looked up at her a touch wildly, and she merely arched her own delicate brow in return.
"This... your Majesty, I... I assure you, I've absolutely no idea what this is all about." He said uncomfortably, adjusting his tie. "This... this swill is far from correct, I assure you. I have not been indulging in any kind of illicit affair with Alfred. I was not with him at all. I was with a rather charming young lady yesterday, in fact, a very pretty young woman with whom I share tea on a regular basis-"
His protests were becoming increasingly noisy and a trifle shrill, and Elizabeth was rather grateful when the mobile clipped to his belt chimed, and he fumbled it off and open with an apology.
Across the ocean and through Arthur's mobile, the cheerful voice of Alfred F. Jones flooded the small study.
"Arthur, Arthur, are you there? You'll never guess what! I was talking to Francis this morning - my morning, not your morning, there's no way I'd be up that early - and I told him about yesterday, and he said the next time we do it in the Palace, we have to tape it, 'cause you never got that kinky with him, and I told him I'd ask you, but I bought a camcorder just in case and I wanna try it out. Arthur? Arthur, are you there? Look, if you're still sore from yesterday, I'll let you top this time, just this once. It's not my fault you always finish so fast when you're on top. Arthur?"
Arthur's face had a distinctly defeated expression to it as he sighed. "I'll call you back, Alfred." He said, not waiting for an answer before shutting the mobile and returning it to his belt.
"One assures you, Arthur," The queen said, folding her hands on her desk. "One didn't hear a thing."
And they were both going to pretend the very unrefined grin she was wearing didn't say otherwise.